Rock 15

Long Gone and Moved on .... 



It feels a little strange being a doctor to be sat out in the corridor after being turfed out of Slates room by the nurses.  I actually want to be in there doing something but I can't - only Bay and Mango know that I am actually a doctor.

I put my arm around Mace as I glance at him.  He appears to be miserable and has been very quiet since we got out of bed this morning.   While he sat nattering through breakfast with Coral and exchanging dirty looks with Gravel, he has hardly spoken half a dozen words to me yet today.

When we arrived at the hospital we spent an hour in with Slate.  Mace was even quiet then, but he received a text from one of his mates and slipped out to phone him.  I sat talking to Bayleaf until the nurses turfed us out of his room because of the things that they need to do with Slate as part of their daily routine.  Physio to keep his joints moving, bed bathing, skin care and all the other stuff they have to do to him everyday.

Bay goes off home to take a quick shower and get himself something to eat and drink.  He has been here all night again, even after he's been told not to.  He sneaked back after Mango had taken him to his Mothers.  I really need to have words with him, he is seriously going to make himself ill if he carries on with what he's doing.  

Why does love make people do such silly things?!  I have to laugh at myself because I really am no better - look at what both me and Mace are doing!!  I'm hanging onto a lost love that I wrecked twenty years ago and Mace is hanging onto me hoping that I will love him one day like he loves me.  We are all crazy!! 

"Who was the text from earlier?   You was gone for ages."  I ask him when I can't stand the silence anymore, he's just sat staring at the wall opposite him like he's miles away in thought. 

"It was Atlas, he has two spare tickets for the game and he wandered if we wanted them, he didn't realize we were away.  We got nattering, you know what he's like, he never shuts up!!"  he smiles at me. 

"How did he not know we were away?"  I frown at him  "Didn't you phone round all your mates to tell them about our fairytale romantic getaway like you usually do?"  I laugh at the expression on his face.

"No I told you I was stopping all the bullshit didn't I!!"  he snaps at me  "Gran how long do you think we are going to have to be staying in Sugar Valley?  I really want to go home already."  Mace says suddenly. 

"Is wanting to go home why you have been so quiet this morning?"  I ask and he just nods miserably.

Oh Berry this is only our second day here I hope he is not going to start already!!  I know he is not comfortable about being in Sugar Valley because HE is here somewhere.  I knew he would start eventually but not this soon.  
 
"That bed is awful I ache like hell, Coral gives me a headache and I'm sorry I really don't like your brother, he's a slime ball!!"  he mumbles miserably. 

"The bed and my brother I can quite understand but I thought you was getting on okay with Coral you two seemed to nattered enough last night and over breakfast!"  I smile at him

"I do get on with her okay but she never shuts up, she's alright in small doses but after a while she gets on my nerves!!"  he laughs  "and don't think you are going to keep leaving me with her while you run around town because I'm not having it!!"  I laugh at him

"Don't worry I won't!"  I laugh at him, he probably thinks I'm going to dump him on Coral and sneak off to see Forrest!!  Chance would be a fine thing!!  

"Why don't we go home then come back when it's time for the transplant?  What is the point of us being in this town other than sitting here day in day out getting bored."  he says and I guess he does have a point, we could be at home until then, but now that we are here my brain is ticking, and I'm never going to find out what Gravel is up to if I'm at home. 

"I'll think about going home until the transplant, but lets stay a week at least, it's been 20 years since I've seen my brother and I have missed him even if I don't like him very much!!"  I smile at him  "Until then, to save you getting bored we should start going out and doing stuff, you're right we can't spend all our time sat here ... not that there is a lot to do in this town, it's not like I can take you to any of my old haunts!!"  All the bars in town.  I start laughing  "The extended family kids all meet up and go bowling together twice a week, Mosaic has already said we can tag along tonight if we want!"

"Yeah he's said the same to me - I'm always up for bowling you know that!"  he smiles at me  "So how long do you think it is going to be before all this kidney stuff is done?"

"I did warn you this could take months Mace, Slate needs to wake up first and he's only half way ready.  He is going to be out for at least another month, then we have to wait until he is strong enough to take the operation, that could be weeks, then the transplant, then it will be a while before I can actually fly home."  

I look at Mace and laugh and decide to drop something in just to test the water, to see how he reacts.  I think I already know I am going to have to move back to Sugar Valley, even if I don't want to.  Something is going on around Slate that I can't quite put my finger on.  I know my brother and and have a really nasty feeling that he is up to something because of all the lies and secrets.  

The baby thing is especially worrying me - I suspect Gravel is trying to pull some sort of scam, pull the wool over everyone's eyes where those babies are concerned - why else is he hiding his fertility problems and not coming clean to Coral?!  I've seen my brother pull some scams in the past and he always finds a way around things that you wouldn't imagine possible!!   Gravel has people on the inside in all sorts of places - he's far from the squeaky clean policeman that everyone thinks he is.  

I've even gone as far as to think last night, when I lay in bed unable to sleep, that he's probably got someone on the inside here at the hospital who can give him a dodgy false DNA test result - I suspect he might be planning to take those babies from Slate and claim they are his to keep Coral sweet.  There is only one thing that could stop him doing that, if either of those girls appear with Amber and Slates orange hair.  This is the only thing I can come up with - I could be wrong but I doubt I'm too far off the mark!!   

It is not just the babies and his fertility problems that Gravel is keeping hidden - there is something else lurking in and from the past!!  Me and Forrest and Forrest's family being kept a secret is something else that is bugging me.  How can Slate not know about any of us?  How has Gravel gotten away with it for all these years and why they have kept their distance and played along with it, especially Forrest - I just can't work it out.  I'm even starting to get a little suspicious of Amber fading and Gravels lack of wanting to talk about it.  Every time I mention Amber he clams up and changes the subject - it is seriously making me wander if Gravel didn't have a hand in her death somehow!!  I know he is capable of anything and that's what scares me!!

I just know I have to stay in this town for Slates sake!!  Look at what Gravel has already driven him too!!  I know Gravel is just going to ruin Slate exactly like he's ruined the rest of us!!  What sort of Uncle would I be if I just walked away and left the boy to my brothers mercy?!  Obviously Slate being his son doesn't mean a damn thing to Gravel, he is going to receive exactly the same treatment that the rest of us have experienced.

"You know it might be an idea for us to go house hunting and maybe settle down here!  I do have family here after all and neither of us have anyone back home!"  

I smile at him as I sit and watch his face twisting up.  I doubt he is going to like this idea one little bit!! Now to dangle the carrot before he starts kicking off! 

"We could sell our house in Cherry Hill and that would give us enough money with what we have saved to get ourselves a house built here, exactly the way you want it.  I know you like all that design and decorating shit, that will find you something to do getting our new house built - you can even put that swimming pool in that you keep nagging me for!!"

"Oh No!! Gran please don't!!  Don't think you can sweet talk me into it with swimming pools and shit!!  I don't WANT to live in Sugar Valley!!  I just knew you would start talking about moving here once we got here!!"  he starts to look upset.

"Look it's just an idea!!  The very last thing that I want to do is stop in this town where HE is!!"  he rolls his eyes at me for mentioning Forrest but I think he would be the only reason why Mace will kick up a fuss over moving to Sugar Valley.  "I'm only saying this because of Slate - I might end up having to stay here for his sake - I'm sure my brother is up to his old tricks again!!"  he shakes his head.  I've told Mace some of the things and stunts that Gravel has pulled in the past so it's not like I need to sit here explaining them to him now.  "You can see what Slate has done to himself and what Gravel has driven him too ... he needs me here even if he doesn't know I exist yet and I won't be able to live with myself leaving this town and leaving him to the mercy of my twisted brother not knowing if he's going to be okay !!"

"This isn't fair - you are just going to use Slate as your excuse to emotionally blackmail me!!  Isn't it enough that you are giving him one of your kidneys - you can keep in contact, he can come out and visit - Hell move him out to Cherry Hill if things are really that bad with Gravel.  We don't have to move here!!"  he snaps at me  "Gran I am NEVER going to be comfortable in this town with HIM living here and you know it!!" 

"Forget HIM - I am with you now aren't I!  I don't know what you are getting all stressed for!!  He won't be interested in me anymore!!  You don't move to a different town every time you get an ex, you ignore them and get on with it!!  So what if he's here - Forget HIM!!"

"Like you can forget HIM you mean!!"  he says sarcastically  "It's not that simple and you know it!!  I'll always be stressed when you love HIM and not me!!"

"I'm working on changing that aren't I!!"  he just stares at me and says nothing  "We are working on trying to change it aren't we?!"

"I suppose ... but it's not happening is it Granite!"

"Hell give it a chance Mace!!"  I laugh at him  "It's ONLY been FOUR days since we agreed to change things!!  I can't just turn my feelings on and off instantly like a light switch, if I could don't you think I would have done it already ... it's going to take time." 

"I know it's only been four days and I'm not stupid - that isn't what I meant!!"  he rolls his eyes at me  "How much time do you need exactly, it's a joke, HE has been there for twenty years so I don't think you are EVER going to do it!!  HE is always going to be there because you don't want to let it go!!"

"HE can probably be in the back of my head forever but HE is not physically here is HE!!  You are!!  Have I thrown him at you once or have you actually felt him around or between us for the past four days?"

"No I haven't felt him between us, but I KNOW he has been walking around this town somewhere for the past two days, he is only in your head at home.   I can't stop thinking about HIM.   HE could have already walked right past me and I wouldn't even know - I'm suspicious of every bloke I look at, so it doesn't matter if I can't feel him between us I know he is still lurking about somewhere and at any time he can pop up and take you away!!"  he points down the corridor to a man sat reading a newspaper  "It could be him for all I know and would you actually tell me if it was?!  You won't tell me his name or what colour he is or anything!"

"You're an idiot!!  He is completely green okay - so you don't need to worry about anyone unless they are all green!"  Hell!  Why did I just tell him that!!

"I didn't think you liked the colour green?"

"It's not that I don't like green, it's actually my favourite colour - I just don't want to see green so it doesn't remind me!!"

"Oh great!!  and I just filled our house up with green plants!!"  he rolls his eyes

I can't help but laugh at him as I call him an idiot and start kissing him.  I need to stop this conversation before I tell him anything else.  I've already stupidly told him too much, he'll probably go hunting the town down now for green guys.

I want to prolong Mace finding out who Forrest is and what he looks like.  On his past form Mace will probably just launch into a full scale attack the minute Forrest is stood in front of him.  Forrest won't have to do or say anything.

Mace gets really stupid when he thinks he is being threatened by another male.  Especially when they are gay like Bayleaf, the snapping and the glaring - it's stupid - and the minute he gets Bayleaf alone he'll warn him off.  I've already had to tell him to back off Bayleaf because I'm not remotely interested in him.  I can't get too close to anyone, I saw the look he pulled when Mango hugged me at the airport and the faces he pulls when I shake peoples hands.  

Mace has lost me quite a few of my mates over the years back home because of his possessive behaviour - he's kicked off royal style at a few of my straight mates because he thought they were getting a little too close to me and there really was no need.  Me laughing with one of his gay mates almost caused world war three and nearly got Mace locked up for murder.  I saw a side to Mace that night that I've never seen before or since.  I honestly thought when they started fighting Mace was going to fade him.  He virtually strangled his mate to within an inch of his life, it took three of us to pull Mace off him.  He scared me with how far he went, the look in his eye was evil and if we hadn't stopped him he would have faded his mate.  I'm worried that is how far he will get with Forrest, I've rubbed him in Maces face for too many years hurting him, enough to unhinge him.  He's only ever happy when I'm around women because he knows that is one place I have never and could never go.

"Do you two ever stop snogging?"  I hear Gravel say  "Anyone would think you two are actually in love or is this just a sex thing cause that is none stop as well isn't it!!  I'm surprised you're not in the linen cupboard right now!!"  he laughs  "I could have been anyone sat here and neither of you would have known!!"

I watch Gravel and Mace exchange a strange look.

"Shut up Berry Hole!!"  I snap at him  "I know it's your favourite game but don't think you are going to get me and Mace arguing with your sarcastic comments because Mace already knows that I've told you the truth about what is going on with me and him so wind your neck in Gravel!!"  he just laughs  "Unlike you and little Miss drama queen, me and Mace don't just shag we actually do talk, maybe you should try it some time - it's good for the sole!!"

"Who's rattled your cage?!"  he starts laughing 

"There is only one person who can rattle my cage, so you tell me!!"  I snap at him  "What are you doing here anyway - I thought you had work today!"

 "I come and go as I please these days, besides we have something important we need to discuss!!"  he looks at Mace  "and we need some space!!"  I laugh when I notice Mace glaring at Gravel.  "Where is Bay?"

"He's just nipped home, he should be back soon why?"

Gravel does the strangest thing.  He grabs Mace's arm virtually pulling him up off the seat and asks him if he can have a quiet word with him and pulls him to the other side of the corridor and they start whispering quietly enough so I can't hear what they are saying.  I notice the scowl drop off Maces face as he looks over at me almost sympathetically.  Then he comes over and kisses me.

"I'll just be outside waiting for Bay to give you two some space."  he smiles at me before he walks off down the corridor.
 

"So what game are you playing now - why send Mace outside?"  I ask Gravel when he sits back down next to me with a wierd look on his face.

"I'm not playing games.  I need to tell you something and Forrest might crop up in the conversation so I thought it best he's not around when I tell you ... Mommy faded six months ago."  

That really shocked me.  He just smacks me with it!  He doesn't even soften the blow to let me know something bad is coming.  I sit there stunned for a moment and just stare at the wall oposite as I can feel myself welling up.  Why the hell didn't he tell me this at home last night, why wait until now?!

"She's not been good for a few years and of course you disappearing for twenty years hasn't helped - you really upset her Gran!!"  That's it Gravel you just stick the knife in like I don't feel guilty enough already on my own!!

"HELL!!"

"Paps is not too good either right now, he's on his last legs I think!"  he says miserably.

"I need to go and see him!!"

"NO!!  You can't!!  Paps is not well enough to cope with you just turning up after all these years!!  He's really angry with you, you turning up will probably finish him off!"  he snaps at me  "and Meadow is likely to kick you round the floor if she gets her hands on you for all the upset you've caused everyone especially Forrest!!"

"Gravel I've been away for twenty years I can't not just go because you say so!!  Don't you think I haven't missed them and felt guilty enough all these years - without you digging the knife in deeper and making me look even worse!!"  I snap at him  "I need to put it right!!  Give me Meadows's phone number!"

"No!  I doubt she will even talk to you!!"  he shakes his head  "After what you told me this morning about you still loving Forrest - I don't think you'll want to go anywhere near them anyway.  Forrest will be there later, I've just spoken to him, he is on his way home right now to pack then he's off ..."  I look up when he says that  "When he found out about you being in town with your bitch, he decided to take off to Meadow's with his bitch."

"WHAT?!"

"He's decided to take time out and go and stay with Meadow until you sling your hook back to where you came from ... he told me this morning it could probably be a permanent move."

"No not that ... you said with his bitch!!"

"He's moved on Gran ... I'm sorry, I was trying to avoid telling you because I knew it was going to upset you after what you told me this morning - he's with somebody else now!!"  he goes quiet for a moment as I sit there numb and the shock sets in  "They are really into each other too, he's moved his bitch into your old house with him.  He told me he's happier with him than he ever was with you and I've heard them talking about getting married - so I guess you'll be getting that divorce soon enough!!"

"Berry Hole!!"  I say which makes Gravel laugh

"Bro - you can talk - you have Mace remember!!"  he says finally 

"Yeah but there is a difference - he's actually moved on I haven't really.  I've told you I don't love Mace - Mace knows I don't love him. he's just stupid enough to hang around on the off chance that I might love him one day!!  I've told you exactly what is going on with me and Mace and he won't tell you any different!!  He knows I still love Forrest so I haven't moved on at all really have I ..."

"You are still living with him, shagging him and playing happy families with him - so does it really matter if you love him or not, you have moved on in a fashion however you wanna look at it."  he gives me that smug look of his.

"Does Forrest know about Mace?" 

"Yes and he's says he's welcome to you!!  He's really glad you haven't come crawling back after him!!  He can't believe you've got the nerve to show your face back here after all this time!!"

"Oh I bet you was right round there sticking the knife in wasn't you!!  I bet you are loving this and couldn't wait to tell him ... but I bet you didn't tell him the truth about me and Mace did you!!"

 "Don't start on me - It's your own fault you blew it years ago by not coming back after you left prison, disappearing without a word, you almost destroyed him and now you waltz back into town twenty years later like nothing with your new bitch - it's no wander Forrest hates you these days!!  You have always been a selfish berry hole!!"

"Yeah of course I'm selfish but we won't even go into who's fault it is that I actually got locked up and why I had to leave town - but I bet you never told him the truth about that either did you!!"   I snap at him sarcastically because he forgets this is his fault and doing!!  "and you are lying!!  He could never hate me like I could never hate him!!  He might be angry with me but never hate!!"

"Oh he does, he hates you with a passion - he tells me quite regularly!!  He doesn't want to see you, speak to you or have anything to do with you - why else would he ship out of town waiting for you to leave again?  The quicker you and Mace go back to Cherry Hill the better it is for all of us especially yourself!!"  he laughs  "I doubt you will want to see him rubbing his red bitch in your face!!"

"RED!!"  this makes me laugh  "Now I know you are pulling my leg here aren't you - Forrest wouldn't!!"  I laugh at him thinking he's trying to be funny   "Forrest HATES the colour red with a passion!!"

"Not any more he doesn't!!"  Gravel laughs  "Forrest is outside right now with lover boy if you don't believe me and I hate to remind you - so is Mace remember!"

"BERRY HOLE!!  Did you send Mace out there on purpose just to cause trouble!!"

Fudge!!!!  Mace and Forrest outside together.  I've just told Mace that Forrest is all green - if Mace spots him he is stupid enough to go over and ask him then kick off!!

I get up and start running down the corridor as an automatic reaction, not really thinking.  I don't even know what I'm doing it for other than because of panic.  

If there is going to be trouble between Mace and Forrest I'm not sure I want to be there!!  I'd be stuck in the middle not knowing which way to go.  I DON'T want to see Forrest with his new bitch - that's the last thing I need.  I don't even want to see Forrest because it will just bring it all back and rip my heart out all over again.

My head is all over the place and I really can't think straight!!   First he tells me about Mommy fading then in the next breath he tells me Forrest is outside and has moved onto his red guy - talk about being hit with a double whammy!!  He hardly gave me chance to deal with one thing before he hit me with the next.  

Both things he knows are really going to upset me - but that's Gravel, no consideration of anyone's feelings other than his own!!

I tear out of the hospital main doors.

The first thing that smacks me in the face as soon as I step outside - Forrest and his red guy right in front of me.  

They have their backs to me and are walking away from the hospital, across the car park, they look like they might even be heading towards Mango's car.   The red guy has his arm around Forrests shoulder.  I feel sick.

I look nervously around for Mace and I spot him stood quite away from the doors over by the benches his back is turned towards Forrest and he's deep in conversation talking to Bayleaf.  Neither Forrest of Mace have spotted me yet.

I just stand there staring at Forrest's back and feel sick. 

I can not bear to watch Forrest and his red guy together anymore!!  I've already seen too much.  I know I should never have come out here - I really didn't need to see this!!  This is exactly what I have always been scared of seeing and why I've never come back!!

I just stand there with my eyes closed and all I can keep thinking is Red!!

Red!! Red!! Forrest HATES red!!

I hear the red guy laughing and I start to feel really really sick!!  His laughter is going straight through me, I just want to scream at him to shut up!!

I open my eyes and just stare down at the floor wandering if I'm about to throw up all over it as I feel my stomach really start churning.  Just seeing the back of him, just the shock of physically seeing him for the first time in twenty years brings everything slamming back and I feel like I've just been hit by a ten tonne truck.  All of those horrible feeling that I've carried around for years that have subsided to a dull ache now come back with a vengeance.

My mind is very tormented, as I can feel the tears welling up and stinging my eyes.  I've got half a mind to just go over to him and have it out with him once and for all as he is here in front of me.  But I know I can't!!  In a way I'm glad I haven't seen his face yet because I think if I did I'd just crack up.

"Gran what are you doing out here?"  I suddenly hear Mace's voice beside me snapping me out of my thoughts.  "Are you okay?"  He tries to put his arm round me and I shrug him off.

I dare not look over in Forrest direction in case Mace sees me or in case he has spotted me.  I don't want him to see me and I definitely don't want to see his face staring back at me.  The last thing I want is Mace and Forrest to face each other, I know Mace will lose it, I don't want Mace to realize who Forrest is.

I panic and leg it.  I bolt across the front of the hospital and keep on running.

I hear Gravel and Mace shouting after me, which annoys me because they have probably just drawn Forrests attention to me, but I ignore them both and keep on running out of the hospital grounds and across the road without looking back.  

I can't get away from the place fast enough.

I managed to hold in the flood until I got back to Gravels house.  I throw myself on the bed and then I start crying.  It hurts so bad I can hardly breath!!  My heart is breaking and my head is swimming all over the place, I don't know what or who to think about first.  What the hell is wrong with me - how can it all still be there, I suddenly feel like time has rolled back twenty years.  I feel like I'm right back at the beginning of the heartbreak and I'm scared I'm going to have to go through all that pain again.

Even though I've always thought that Forrest would have moved on over the years, I guess in the back of my mind there has always been a hope that he hasn't and still feels exactly like I do.  That hope has always been there keeping me sane.   Actually knowing that he has definitely moved on is something totally different.  Just thinking about him being with somebody else kills me!!  Actually seeing it, seeing the person who he is now with makes it feel a thousand times worse!!  Gravel telling me that he hates me - he doesn't love me anymore instead he hates me - I really can't cope with that!!

Hell!!  Mommy has faded and now I feel downright awful!!!  I should have known Mommy and Paps were getting on in age and their time was racing away, but I've always tried to push them to the back of my mind because like Forrest it hurts thinking about them.  I could so easily have picked up the phone to them during those twenty years but it always seemed easier and better for all of us for me not too.

I can't even remember the last conversation that me and Mommy had or the last time I saw either of my foster parents, probably because I was either too drunk or too high to remember or register it.  Now she's gone and there isn't a damn thing I will ever be able to do about putting things right.  She probably faded hating me too for what I did to them and especially Forrest and that really hurts.

I know it's all my fault - I am a coward!!  If I wasn't a coward I would have put these things right years ago!!  Now it's too late to fix either of them. 

I hadn't been lay there long when I hear the bedroom door open and close

"What the hell happened?"   Mace asks as he approaches the bed  "You shit us right up we thought you had run off to the dive bar!!"  I ignore him.  

I nearly did end up in the dive bar I came very very close.  I ran past the bar and actually stopped running and stood outside the door!!  It was only thinking about Slate and him needing my sober kidney that stopped me from going inside.  

"Gran?"

I ignore him again as I carry on crying and he stays silent for a moment.  I hear the phone keys bleeping on his phone keypad knowing he's obviously making a phone call.

"Gravel I've found him, it's okay he's at home, panic over he's not drinking!!"  I hear Mace say into his phone.  "So you and Bay can stop looking, can you call Bay I don't have his number."

I wander for a second because I find it strange Mace having Gravels number, when did that happen?!  I laugh in my head a little imagining Gravel running into all the bars in town looking for me.  He wouldn't be worried about ME drinking and setting off my addiction again, he will just be worried about my kidney being sober for his boy so I can clean his mess up!!  If I'd known that is what they were thinking or what Gravel might be doing I'd have told Mace not to make that phone call to leave Gravel sweating for a while!! 

After Mace has cut off the call which he did quite quickly he crawls onto the bed to holds me while I'm still lying there crying.

    

I just lie there in his arms for hours and cry myself out.  All the time he just lies there and doesn't say a word.  I actually wander if he even knows why I'm crying at all.

I doubt that Mace would be lying there so calmly if he knew what most of my tears are for.  If he knew I was lying here crying because of Forrest he would probably have the roof of the house by now. 

"I'm sorry about your Mom, Gravel told me she faded."

I don't say anything I just lie there not really knowing what to say.

"How come you haven't seen your foster Dad and Sister yet?  I thought you would have been to see them by now, you haven't even mentioned them since we've been here which has surprised me a little!"  he asks quietly  "Maybe you need to go and see them."

Yeah he's going to love this - but I have to tell him - suddenly I don't think I care what he thinks or does or even if I'm hurting him, if he goes or stays, I don't give a shit - suddenly I don't think I care about anything anymore.  

The pain in my chest is getting heavier and I know I'm not escaping this.

"It's a little complicated ... I'm going to tell you something because you are asking the questions and no doubt Gravel will be dropping his sarcastic digs the first chance he gets.  Stuff I've never told you before that you didn't really need to know in Cherry Hill, but as you are here I guess you might hear Gravel or Mango talking about stuff you don't understand.  I also have to tell Slate about our family because he doesn't know any of it either  -  my brother hasn't bothered to tell him for some reason only he knows."  

I look up at him and he doesn't react, he just lies there staring back at me

"I don't want to fight with you over what I'm going to tell you Mace because I am really not in the mood right now.  I came so close to running into the dive bar I've scared myself!   Fighting will probably just tip me over the edge but I just want to be straight with you."  he stares at me silently for a moment. 

"Okay no fighting!  Why do I get the feeling I'm not going to like this!"

"You probably won't!!  Mommy she wasn't just my foster Mother, she was also my Mother in law."  he starts laughing for a moment then stops as he watches my face,  he must have thought I was joking for a split second, but he can see I'm not joking.  "Me and HIM were already dating when my parents faded.  It was HIS parents that took us in - they adopted Gravel when he was a kid but couldn't adopt me because of HIM."  he stays silent  "So Mommy and Paps are HIS parents.  My foster parents and in laws and Gravels adopted parents."

"Just how long were you two together anyway, you've never actually told me!!"  he snaps  "You usually tell me it's none of my business!!"

"Since we were thirteen but we've been friends all of our lives, his parents and my parents were best friends, we were born a month apart and our Mothers were always together so we grew up quite closely together - pretty funny really when you think about it, we both end up gay and together - it was almost like it was fate, we were meant to be together and if shit hadn't happened I know we would still be together now!! "  

I watch him nearly choking because maybe I've just taken the conversation too far, but I don't care!  It's just a relief to say out loud all the things that I have been keeping to myself and have never told him.   

"Thirteen years we were together as a couple before I left, so 26 years he's been a big part of my life, more years than I've been without him ..."

"So HE is your foster brother!!"  he half yells suddenly like what I told him has only just sank in properly.  "You told me you have a foster brother but you never told me it was HIM!!"

"Well I wouldn't would I - I would have been telling you about HIM then so it was easier just not to mention IT."  he pulls a face at me 

"GREAT!!  So we are NEVER going to get rid of HIM are we!!"  he scowls at me  "Even if you do stop loving him, he will always be there!!"

"He's already gone for me at least!!"  he laughs sarcastically and pulls a face  "Look, I've not had any of my family in my life for the past twenty years and my foster family I've burnt bridges that are probably unrepairable now.  Mommy has faded, Paps is not too far behind her, Meadow is going to kick me round the floor according to Gravel for what I've done to HIM and HE hates me.  They don't live in this town so I doubt I'll ever see any of them ever again!!"

This really upsets me again just hearing myself say it and I start crying again.

I am really surprised that he isn't going mental.  He just lies there again silently holding me until I stop crying.

"I've seen HIM today with his new bitch!"  I say quietly

"WHAT?!"  he jumps up again and starts yelling  "You've seen HIM - WHEN??  More to the point where was I?!"

"I don't want to fight with you Mace!  I didn't speak to him, I don't think he even saw me.  He was at the hospital outside with his boyfriend when you was out there talking to Bay.  That's why I ran - I panicked when I saw him.  I didn't want him to see me and I didn't want to face him."

"Hell!!  I never even noticed a green guy outside the hospital, obviously I wasn't paying attention was I!!"  He almost looks disappointed.

"It's probably a good job you didn't or you would have only kicked off at him like you do then I would have had to have got involved!!  You had your back to him and you was busy talking to Bay."  he just looms over me with his mouth open  "You don't have to worry either - Gravel has told me - he's going out of town because of me being here.   He doesn't want to have anything to do with me, he really hates me apparently - so you don't need to stress anymore, it is just like I said it would be - done and over he has moved on!!   It's probably going to be a permanent move too to where Paps and Meadow live according to Gravel, so you don't have to worry about HIM being in Sugar Valley because he isn't anymore."

"Are you just saying this to make me feel better?!" he frowns at me.

"No - ask Gravel, he'll tell you!!"  I smile at him  "HE has GONE and moved on!!"

"You are crying mostly because of HIM aren't you!!"  he stares down at me

"Yes, seeing him especially with someone else - it is hurting like hell and I can hardly take it ... I can't hide it either so if you don't like it you know where the door is Mace!!  I really can't deal with your shit right now - I'd rather you just left and leave me to it!!"

"I'm not going to give you any shit!!"  he smiles at me  "I'm not going anywhere either!!"

"Well maybe you should leave.  I wouldn't blame you if you did, because this isn't going to be pretty and I don't have the energy to worry about your feelings because I can hardly deal with my own!!" 

"I'm glad this has happened and you can actually see that he has gone and moved on.  Maybe this is exactly what you needed to see!!"  he smiles at me for a moment  "You need to cry it out and finally get it out of your system.  Now you can finally let it go because now you can see you have to.  You can finally work on forgetting about him!!"  he smiles at me 

I'm a little, no very surprised, shocked and confused by his attitude and the way he is dealing with it.   I thought that he would have been bouncing off the walls by now, but I don't have the energy to question him or try and work out what is going on in his head right now.
 
He starts kissing me.

He doesn't kiss me for long before he pulls me back into his arms and carries on holding me while I continue to cry.

"I need to get you away from this town and that awful brother of yours!"  he says suddenly.  I frown at him wandering why he has said that. 

"I am going to take you back home as soon as I can arrange a flight and I don't care what you say!!"  he pauses for a while probably waiting for a reaction from me but he doesn't get one.  "We can come straight back here as soon as Slate needs your kidney, but I really think you would feel a lot better being at home right now!!

I don't get why he's being so calm and sensible about it all?!   I think about what he's just said for a moment.  He's right, just thinking about home makes me want to be there.

"Okay!  Let's go home!!"  I mumble finally  "I want to go home!"

I think home is exactly what I need!!


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Song ~ Long Gone and Moved on ~ The Script
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