Rock 30

The writings on the wall ...



I am too distracted to pay any attention to the quiet conversation that is going on around my bed.  Forrest and Turmeric are nattering away to each other, and Slate is occupied with Jasmine, who is sat on the floor playing and they are giggling and nattering away to themselves.  All their voices have faded to a quiet hum and become just a faint background noise behind my loud thoughts.    

My mind has zoned out and I have become oblivious of every thing around me, except for Mace.  I find myself staring intensely at Mace, who is sat in his wheelchair staring back at me, almost like he is in a trance.  He is dressed in his usual preferred way, only wearing his favourite shorts, that I have seen him wearing a thousand times before.  As usual he is not really leaving much of his body to the imagination.  This makes me chuckle to myself, thinking about how quickly and how often I have been removing those shorts of late, especially when we were at home.  

Seeing that he has my attention, he flashes me one of his sweet smiles and I watch as his eyes and face light up.  He doesn't have to tell me that he loves me, I can see it, in his eyes and by the way he is looking at me, it is written all over his face.  

A strange sensation washes over me, my stomach flips and I can't help but smile back at him.

I have wandered, if he would suddenly change once the truth about him being Mace Brownie came out.  I knew once everything was out in the open that I would finally find out if his feeling for me were true or an act like the rest of our time together under his false identity.  His smile and eyes tell me everything I need to know.  He does love me, that was definitely no act.  I think I already knew deep down that his feelings were real, but I needed to know for sure.  The thought of Mace loving me being a part of his act has really scared me ... and I am not really sure why.

These last few months of our relationship, have been really good, especially our sex life.   Things have really changed between us since I have taken down my walls and let him in.  I had started to take our relationship seriously, I was letting go of Forrest and I even saw a good future in me and Mace.   Together we really have been working at it, to make it right, and we were succeeding, until shit happened!!  Even with everything going on around us, the drastic change in us has totally flipped my world upside down.  I think I actually need him as much as he needs me, because I now have feelings that I can not switch off.  I get this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach suddenly, and inside I can feel myself panicking ... I am terrified suddenly by the thought of having to let Mace go, and what we have, I can not bare to even imagine my life without him in it.  Just him going to prison is going to be a huge wrench that I really am not looking forward to. 
 

I forget myself, and am not even thinking about everyone else in the room when I hold my hand out to him.  Mace wheels his chair forward towards me and takes my hand, as he continues to smile at me.  He intertwines his fingers with mine and holds my hand tightly.  He starts to smirk at me while he rubs his thumb backward and forwards lightly across the palm of my hand.  He knows that always tickles me because my palm is very sensitive, which makes me giggle a little.  Mace starts laughing as he takes my hand up to his mouth and starts kissing my fingers ... and I let him, and even smile at him while he is doing it. 

Mace moves my hand away from his mouth and frowns at my fingers, which he is now inspecting.  I laugh because I know exactly what is coming.  He gets irritated by long finger nails, especially mine.  He is always attacking my nails with clippers, nail files or his teeth.  I try to pull my hand away but he holds onto it too tightly.

     "I know that look Woods!  Don't even think about chewing my finger nails!!"  he laughs at me as he puts my hand down on the bed, while he keeps a hold of it and mouths the word Brownie quietly.  "Oh heck, I'm sorry, I have to get used to calling you Brownie now not Woods!!"  he rolls his eyes at me  "Have you spoken to Marigold?  Does she know what has happened?"
     "Yeah, I have told Mari, she has been phoning me everyday to see how we are.  She has been really worried about you."  he smiles at me  "I sorted out her wages, for last month and this - we weren't sure how long you were going to be out for."  this confuses me for a moment, it is not the end of the month yet - is it?
     "What is the date today Mace?"  he tells me it is the 6th.  This has me panicking, as I try to sit up, remembering I have been away with the fairy's for weeks.  "Hell ... the mortgage ... there is no money in the bill account."
     "Don't panic, I have sorted it."  he smiles at me.  "I transferred enough to cover it and this months payment.  I have had to do a few things while you have been out of it ... I've phoned your department at the hospital and told them what has happened, they are keeping in contact with Mango about your progress.  I have had to pay the phone bills, credit cards, the gas and electric bills have landed and the house insurance needed renewing ... it has gone up a little since last year, but not too much.  I know you like to shop around for the best quotes, but with you being out of it, and me being in here, it was awkward, so I just renewed with the current insurers.  Sorry, I had to get Mari to open the post."
     "It's fine!!  It's a good job you used your brains, other wise we would have been in the shit!"  I laugh at him with relief.  "Which account did you transfer the money from?"
     "My account, it was less hassle.  I haven't spent anything since we came to Sugar Valley and with this months money, there was just enough to cover everything except for your credit card, so I paid it off on your debit card.  I wasn't too sure what to do about that, pay it off or just make the minimum payment."  he looks at me sheepishly  "Your salary has gone in, so there was more than enough to cover it.  I know what you are like about interest and things hanging so I paid it off ... did I do the right thing?"  he asks nervously.
     "Yeah you did the right thing."  I smile at him as I run my hand slowly down the side of his face.  "What about your card?"
     "There was nothing on my credit card."  he grins at me
     "I think I am going to pass out ... that makes a change!!"  we both laugh for a moment.  "Maybe the bang on your head has cured your money spending addiction!"

   
     "Well I did promise I would cut it down, and I can't really do a lot of shopping being stuck in this place can I!!"  he laughs at me  "I need to remind you, just in case it has slipped your mind, our cars are both due to be taxed at the end of this month, Mari is looking out for the letters ... "  he pulls a face and he is about to say something but I cut him off, my mind has gone into panic mode again, with him mentioning our cars.
     "Shit ... my car ... it is still at the airport.  Fudge I only paid for a few weeks ... I thought ..."  I stop talking. I can not tell him what I had thought, planned even ... to go back home after he had been arrested to sort my shit out, but things changed.    "Oh fudge,  I bet they have towed it away by now!"   I start to panic and he laughs as he shakes his head.
     "No, your car is back at home, safely parked up on the drive next to mine.  I spotted the parking ticket when I went into your wallet for your debit card.  Compass went and picked it up for us, I gave him the keys and ticket and he sorted it out."
     "How did you give Compass the ticket and keys?"  I frown at him
     "You know what Atlas's mother is like - she panicked when she heard you and Atlas had been shot and she had Compass fly out here.  He came in to see you when you was on life support, it upset him a bit."  he smiles at me  "He had to go back last week, because of work ... the tit only text me a picture of your car back on the drive, and he parked it the wrong way round just to aggravate me"  he laughs at me for a moment then his face twists up and I can see he is starting to get upset, his eyes start to well up.  He blinks and a tear starts to roll down his face slowly.
     "Hey, baby please don't cry or you'll start me off."  I say as I rub his arm.
     "I am never going home am I!"  he starts to choke  "I just want to go home when all this is over."
     "Mace stop upsetting yourself please."  I say as I try to wipe the tears off his face  "We will worry about that later, we don't know what is going to happen yet ..."
     "Oh they do, they have my whole life already mapped out for me, and it doesn't involve home, Cherry Hill or you.  After I come out of prison, they want to keep me in Orange Falls permanently and away from you." 
     "Rubbish ... I told you I am going to look after you and I will, so stop stressing!!"
     "Gran, I love you, I can't do this without you, I need you!!"
     "I know you do, and I love you too."
    
The room suddenly plunges into a horrible deadly silence, the sudden drop in volume actually hurt my ears.  I hear Forrest choke which snaps me out of the daze that I have been in ... I can now feel and see all eyes are on me.  I don't know how long they have been sat listening to our conversation.  I had totally forgotten myself, and especially that Forrest is sat right by me listening and watching. 

My hand snatches out from Maces quite abruptly as Slate pulls Mace's chair backwards and away from me, and parks him right next to Turmeric.  Slate rolls his eyes at me then sniggers.  I turn sheepishly to look at Forrest, who is now sat intensely glaring at me, his eyes are cold and angry.  Turmeric is also sitting there looking at me in disbelief, briefly before he turns to Mace who is now really starting to get upset.

I turn away from Forrest, staring up at the ceiling briefly before I close my eyes, trying to shut out Forrest's all too familiar look of disapproval.  Way to go Granite!!  Tell Mace you love him in front of Forrest.  Why the hell did I just say that to Mace so freely and without even thinking about it?

I lie there quietly riding out the silence, wandering if Forrest is going to explode or not.  I am hoping he won't while the room is full of people, I expect he will wait until the room is empty and we are alone before he lays into me.  Slate breaks the silence by asking Forrest when my Dad and Mace are being discharged from the hospital, and I hear Turmeric trying to comfort Mace who is now really crying.  I hate it when Mace cries, especially when I know it is because of me that he is crying, I want to get off the bed and go to him, but I know if I do Forrest probably will definitely blow up.  I have to lie there just listening to him and it is killing me!!

I think I only just realize for the first time, the awkward position that I am now in.  Horribly sandwiched between Forrest and Mace, and sooner rather than later I will have to choose between them.  At one time, before I took down my walls and let Mace in, it would have been quite easy, for me to walk away from Mace without a second thought and go straight back to Forrest.  However, it really is not that simple anymore, not that it ever has been really, feelings aside, when I think about it logically, our lives are too intertwined for an instant separation.

 
I try to take my mind off Mace crying and the predicament that I now find myself in, stuck between the two of them.  I start to think about my Dad and chew everything over in my head that Turmeric has finally enlightened me on.    I am really struggling to take in the fact that my Dad is in the next room, very much alive and not faded like I have thought he is. I do not think that I will fully take it in until I have seen him with my own two eyes.

I can now see a lot of things that were staring me in the face, especially concerning my Father.  I should have picked up on the signs.  When I stood in front of Gravel, his gun pointed inches away from my body, the man trying to stop him from shooting me, was irritating me because he kept saying IDIOT!!  I thought then about my Father, that was his favourite insult, but I knew it could not have been my father, because he was faded.  I should have turned around and looked at the man who kept calling Gravel an Idiot!!   I don't know why I did not recognize his voice then, maybe I was too focused on the gun that Gravel kept gabbing into my stomach.

When I was waking up from the induced coma, I heard his voice and recognized it, he kissed my cheek and he called me Granny, but I thought that I was faded because he was faded.  I laugh at myself, and what my mind had made me believe, that I had faded and was waking up in hell where I have always thought he would be.  Instead he has been walking this earth for the past 34 years and nobody has even bothered to tell me until now!! 

I must have fallen asleep for a short time, because I find myself being woken up quite abruptly by a little girls excited scream and Slate laughing quite loudly.   I lie there with my eyes closed, listening to Mace and Forrest bickering, while Turmeric tries to stop them.   It sounds like Forrest has got his claws out, he keeps telling Mace to go back to his room because he doesn't want him in here hanging around me.  Mace is giving it back as good as he is getting, and I am worried that it is going to turn into a more serious fight.    

When I open my eyes and turn my head in the direction of my Neice and Son, who are laughing quite loudly again, the bickering going on between Forrest and Mace stops abruptly.  I don't react to it and pretend that I have not heard it.  I lie quietly watching Jasmine who is sitting on the empty bed, with Slate and a colouring book and a huge pack of coloured pencils.   She starts singing her head off, while she is colouring, like she does not have a care in the world.  I wander just how much of what is going on with 'this family' that she actually has been told and understands.  

I seriously still can not get my head around the fact that Mace's daughter is actually my Neice and that he was married to my sister.  Mace had me crossing a line that I would never have crossed knowingly.  Really I should be angry with Mace, but strangely I find I can not be mad with him.  If Gravel had not sent him to me, we never would have met or been together.

      "Baby ... are you okay?"  Mace asks me.  He must be wandering why I am intensely frowning at his daughter.   I notice he has now stopped crying, but he has really dark circles around his eyes and looks downright miserable, like he could burst into tears again at any moment.
      "Yeah .. I am fine."  I smile at him
      "Do you need anything?  Are you hungry or thirsty?"
      "No Mace, I'm fine thanks."  I smile at him  "Not unless you have any pain killers in your handbag."
      "No baby, I'm sorry, my handbag is at home in the wardrobe." 
      "See ... I just knew you had high heels and handbags stashed somewhere!!"  we both start laughing at each other.

I see Forrest cutting Mace a really nasty look, probably because he just called me baby, and us talking to each other has started up again.  Mace cuts him a look back.  Forrest stands up and checks my notes.  I watch quietly as he goes over to the medicine cabinet and starts to mess around.  He comes over to me flicking a syringe, I presume I am now able to have my next lot of painkillers.  Without a word he jabs me painfully in the arm, like he is trying to hurt me on purpose ... probably my punishment for telling Mace I love him and talking to him again.  In the past, Forrest has been pathetically spiteful like that.  

     "Jasmine isn't irritating you is she?"  Mace starts to laugh as I look over in Jasmines direction again because she has just let out an almighty scream and is now laughing like mad.  "She is a noisy little drama queen!"
     "Like I am not already used to noisy drama queens!"  we both laugh  "No she is fine!!  You know I don't mind children, and I'd be screaming if Slate was tickling me like that!!"  we both laugh as we turn to watch Slate and Jasmine, who seem to be getting on really well.  I can not help but notice that she is a total spit of Mace.   "Mace, she is a mini female you!  Does she have any of her mother in her?"
     "No ... she is all me, we can't really see any of Tami in her at all."
     "Do you have a picture of Tamarin?"  I ask as I look between Turmeric and Mace.
     "Dad has got some pictures next door that he wants to show you."  Mace smiles at me.  I am amused by Mace calling him Dad.  
     "What is going to happen to her when you get sent down Mace?"  I notice Forrest and Mace exchange an unpleasant look and Turmeric starts to giggle a little.  "More to the point ... what is happening with you Mace?  What are the police planning to do with you until your trial?  I start to panic a little.  "Oh berry they are not locking you up when you are discharged are they?" 

      "Gran, it has all been sorted out in theory."  Forrest smiles at Slate for a moment  "Can you take Jasmine next door for a while, to see your Granddad, we need to talk to your Dad about a few things."  he then turns to glare at Mace.  "You may as well go with them Mace!"  he snaps at Mace who sits shaking his head and laughing sarcastically.
      "No way!! I am staying here!!  It is my life that you are trying to tear to pieces, you are the one who needs to but out of it and go next door, not me!!"  Mace snaps at Forrest.

Mace stares at me then, there is an awkward silence in the room again.  I can't help but wander just what has been going on between Forrest and Mace while I have been out of it.    Slate smiles at me sympathetically as he helps Jasmine to pack up her colouring book and pencils and they head off out of the room.  It amuses me that they walk out of the room holding hands.  I expect that Slate is loving all this new family that he has gained, a Grandfather, a new Father, Forrest, a whole bunch of Uncles, a Cousin and I do not even know what family Shale, Silt and Thyme have yet.  For me I don't think it has still really sunk in properly yet that I suddenly have gained four more brothers, and especially not that my old best mate Turmeric is one of them.

As soon as Slate and Jasmine are out of the room Forrest starts to talk to me.

     "Mace has not been formally charged yet, they will be arresting and charging him when he is discharged from the hospital.  Your Dad is a Chief Constable, and so high up in the force that they are happy to leave Mace in his care, one of the reasons why your Dad has stayed in the hospital, when he could have been discharged a week ago."  my eyes widen, then I remember Forrest has already told me that the Chief Constable of the North East has Mace's back, so everything falls into place.  "Elderberry has talked Mace through everything, he knows what is coming to him.  The murder of his cousin, which they are reducing to Man Slaughter due to it being self defense.  Fraud for the illegal use of the fake identity and drug running for Gravel.  What time Mace actually gets will depend on Gravel and how fair he plays in court."  

I stare at Mace for a moment and he pulls a face at me, I know as well as he does Gravel does not know how to play fair, so Mace probably has no hope!

     "As soon as he is arrested he will be taken straight to court and your Dad and Elderberry are going to apply for bail.  They are both prepared to put their necks on the line for him, they are hoping that your Dad's position in the force should be enough to sway the court."  he smiles at me for a moment  "Me and Mace have been doing some talking while you have been out of it, and we have come to an understanding ... haven't we Mace."  I look between the two of them and while Forrest is smiling, Mace is scowling. 

     "And the understanding is?"  I frown at Forrest 
     "Well obviously, we are married so you are coming back home to me.  You and Mace are over and finished!!  He knows he has got to forget about you, move on and clear out of your life completely!!"

Mace sits there shaking his head while he pulls faces ... I know he would never agree with that, and he will not go down quietly or without a fight!!  I lie there looking between them, Forrest looks smug, Mace like he is about to start crying again.  Knowing Forrest of old, I can quite imagine, that Forrest has told Mace what is happening without even discussing it with him!!    

I am very miffed by Forrest saying what he did, so cold and blatantly, especially in front of Mace, who I can see is now starting to get upset again.  Forrest is here already, trying to control me and my life, making my choices and decisions for me, when we have not even discussed anyone's future, not mine, his or Mace's.  I don't have a chance to react to what he has said because he carry's on talking again.

     "So, if Mace gets bail ... Mace and your Dad will be going to live at Turmeric's place until the trial."  I think straight away that Forrest is planning to separate me and Mace.
     "You are having a laugh right ... have you seen how small T's place is!!"
     "How would you even know where T lives?"  Forrest frowns at me.
     "T phoned me, just before Gravel lost the plot.  He asked me to go round to see him.  He lives in one of those pokey bedsit flats on sixth street.  If you remember, I used to have a friend who lived in one of those pokey holes!!"  I start to laugh  "Where are you planning to put Mace exactly ... on the balcony, because you can't swing a cat in that place let alone a wheelchair, so how the hell do you plan on four people living there and what is happening with Slate?"
      "It will be just your Dad and Mace who will be living at T's place.  T and Jasmine will be living at Bays and Slate is moving into ours with Bay."
      "Like hell is that happening!!  I don't mind Slate and Bay living with me, but there is absolutely no way, that you are putting Mace in T's shoe box!!"  I snap at him  "Shale Rock has to be a decrepit old man by now, how is he getting himself and Mace up and down three flights of stairs ... you do realize flat 3 is on the top floor and there is no lift."  I snap sarcastically  "Wait ... is that a way to stop Mace escaping off into the sunset in that wheelchair of his, sticking him in a top floor flat with stairs he can not get up and down!  Do you plan to keep him like a princess locked up in a tower, away from me?  I'll tell you what, buy him a four poster bed while you are at it, he has always wanted a princess bed.  You can tie him to the bed posts, then he definitely isn't escaping is he!!"  I snap sarcastically.  Only Mace laughs
      "Oh you don't change do you Gran!"  Forrest laughs  "You are still the joker I see!!"

      "No I don't change, and neither do you it seems!!"  I snap at Forrest.  "You don't have to think, talk or make all my choices and decisions for me anymore!!  I am perfectly capable of doing it for myself!!  Mace is my boyfriend and my responsibility so I will decide what happens to him and where we live - not you!!"  I snap as he pulls a face at me.  "Don't think I don't see what you are already doing ... being spiteful and trying to split us up and keep me and Mace apart!!"  I am starting to get angry  "You would even go as far as separating him from his daughter, who he hasn't seen, not by choice, for five years!!  Don't you think they have been apart for long enough because of Gravel!!  Now you are trying to do the same thing to him!!"  I tut then turn to look at Mace.  "Did you agree to all this Mace?"
      "No!!  Like I said they, and especially Forrest, has my life all mapped out for me and I don't get a say in it!  Not even where my own daughter is concern ... HE has taken over!!"  he snaps angrily and Forrest cuts his eyes at him.
      "Well you can stick it Leafy!!  I have never heard anything so ridiculous in my life, sticking Mace in a pokey flat, just to keep us apart, when you have a four bed roomed house where there is plenty of space for Mace and Jasmine.  I notice you have decided that is where I will be living, so that is where Mace will be.   T can stay where he is, Mace and Jasmine will be living where I am living."
      "Do you seriously think me, you and Mace living under the same roof is going to work?  It is not happening!!"  he snaps  "You are not going to like the fact either, that your Dad has to be where Mace is, so that means he would have to live with us too!!" 
      "It is going to have to work!!  If I have to put up with Dad then I am sure you can put up with Mace." 
      "It is ridiculous!!  The quicker they lock him up and throw away the key, the better!!  Hopefully he won't get bale then there is no need for this discussion."  he laughs sarcastically   "You two are over anyway, so why would you even want him living with us?" 

I just stare at him he is now making me really angry.  How can he be so insensitive, especially with Mace sitting in the room?!  For twenty years I have been my own person and controlled my own life.  I have been back for five minutes and he is already trying to take over my life and mind, making my decisions for me.  What gives him the right to split me and Mace up and put us back together, without even discussing it with me first.
 

 
     "Who said me and Mace are over?  You made that decision not me!!"  I snap at him.  "This is seriously not the right time to be breaking up our relationship, especially when there is actually nothing wrong with it ... and don't you think that when and if it ever happens, it is mine and Mace's decision to make."
     "There shouldn't be a decision to make for you ... we are married remember!!"
     "Like that really means jack shit!!  We haven't been in our marriage or any kind of relationship for over twenty years, us still being married is a joke.  You thinking we can just pick it back up from where we left it is an even bigger joke!!   You can't keep throwing our marriage at me because you may as well tear up that marriage certificate because it isn't worth the paper it is written on!!"
     "Ohhh, Granite is back!!  I see you have your awkward and argumentative nit picking head on!!"  he laughs sarcastically  "Maybe we should talk about this when you are in a better mood!!"
     "There is nothing wrong with my mood ... well there wasn't until you started riling me up!!"  I snap at him.
     "How have I riled you?"
     "You - deciding me and Mace are over, without even asking me.  Well we are not over!!"  he frowns at me  "You do see what has happened to him right, that wheelchair is not for show, you have listened to everything he has been through because of that so called brother of mine, as well as having a prison sentence to face, that he does not really deserve!!  The type of person that Mace is, he is really going to struggle to just cope and come to terms with losing the use of his legs, without even thinking about all the other shit that he has coming to him!!  He is very active, he spends half of his life jogging, working out and dancing, besides being a raving nymphomaniac ... being paralyzed from the waist down now is going to totally crush his world!!  He is going to need all the emotional support he can get, and me dumping him on top of everything is the last thing that he needs and I am not that cruel!!  He loves me, I am the one he needs most right now and I am not turning my back on him like the heartless monster that you are expecting me to be!!  I am going to look after him for as long as he needs me, and I'm sorry if you don't like that, but it is something that I have to do!!"  

Forrest laughs sarcastically and he has this 'I couldn't give a shit' expression on his face, like he is not interested in what I am saying, which riles me just a little bit more.  So I decide to stick him with something that I was going to keep to myself to spare his feelings, but if he doesn't give a toss, then why should I. 

 
     "And if I have to be honest, I need him just as much as he needs me!!  Twenty years is a long time for us to be separated, I think we have both changed and you obviously don't know me anymore, not like he does.  Mace has been my rock and kept me grounded and away from my demons for the last five years, he is my best friend and the person that I am closest too, so I need him right now!!  All the stuff I have had done to me, everything that I have been through, all this new family and Dad ... I have enough of my own shit to deal with, without removing Mace and adding our relationship break up to the list.   Mace is staying with me, whether you like it or not!!"  I snap at him because of the faces that he is pulling  "I still can't believe you was planning to split Mace and Jasmine up, just because it suited you better!!  He needs to spend time with his daughter before he goes to prison, besides I want to get to know my Neice, while I have the chance, seeing as she is the only thing that I have left of my sister."
     "You will have plenty of time to get to know Jasmine, if he gets his way.  Mace wants her to live with you while he is inside."  Forrest says a little narkily.  I smile at Mace who smiles back at me.   "Don't think I am happy about it because I am not ... Mace wants Jasmine to stay with you, probably because he can see a way to keep his claws stuck into you ..."  Suddenly Forrest has turned into a prize selfish bitch, and I don't like it!!
     "Grow up Forrest, and you say I am childish!!"  Mace snaps at him, jumping in before I get the chance.  "Don't think I want her anywhere near you either, when you obviously don't like her just because she is my daughter, she is just an innocent child, what has she ever done to you .. nothing!!"  Mace looks at me and points at Forrest angrily  "HE has told me he would much rather I handed her over to social services and put her into care, rather than you have her Gran!"  he snaps at me before he turns back to Forrest.  I am pretty shocked by that!  "Dad will rip your damn head off if he ever finds out you have even suggested putting Jasmine into care!!"  he almost rares at Forrest  "Jasmine staying with Gran is the most practical thing to do with her.  I have no other family left now besides the Rock side.  Dad is too old to be taking on a child at his age, Silt, Shale and Thyme have large families of their own, they don't need to be burdened with another child.  T has no intention or inclination of taking on a child, he wouldn't even look after his own kid so I'll be damned if I trust him with mine!!"
  

    
     "Seriously T?!"  I stare at Turmeric wide eyed  "YOU have a child?!"
     "Yeah."  he mumbles quietly  "It's a long story, I'll tell you later."
     "Granite is the only one that can take Jasmine."  Mace snaps at Forrest  "He is one of only a few people that I can trust to take care of her and I thought he wouldn't mind looking after my daughter, who is his Niece, seeing as he has always wanted children and we were talking about adopting a couple of kids when we returned home after the kidney transplant anyway."
     "You what!?"  Forrest snaps as he glares at Mace then me.
     "Gran, I really don't want Jasmine to go into care, she should be with her family!!"  Mace mumbles quietly ignoring Forrest  "If Gravel plays fair and I just get a few years,  I want you to foster her until I come out, but, I could be looking at between 15 and 20 years if it all goes wrong."  he looks down for a moment and I can tell he is getting upset.  This makes me choke, the thought of Mace being locked up for that long is unbearable.  "If that does happen, I want you to adopt her.  She will be an adult before I get out and I want her to be settled, she has had enough upheaval in her life already."  he starts to get upset
     "Okay, I can do that, don't worry, I will look after her for you."  I smile at Mace.   "I would never let her go into care!" 
     "Like I said ... anyway to keep a hold on you!"  Forrest snaps 
     "Shut up Leafy, do you know how pathetic you sound!!"
     "You looking after a child - this is going to be very interesting to watch!!  You can't even look after yourself properly!!"  he laughs sarcastically
     "Just proving the point again, that you really do not know me anymore!!  What the hell do you think I have been doing for the past twenty years ... and I've done a damn better job of it without you constantly on my back, that's for sure!!"  I am now almost shouting because Forrest is making me really angry.
      "Wow!!  Guys!!"  Turmeric buts in
      "Mace you can forget their stupid plans, until you get sent down, you and Jasmine will be living with me."
     "No, I am not having this ..."  Forrest snaps suddenly  "I am not having HIM living in our house with us!!"
     "Fine ... your choice!  And here was me thinking Mace would be the childish one causing all the trouble, but it's you!!"  I laugh sarcastically.  "You obviously haven't listened to a damn thing that I have said, as usual!!  If that is how you want it, if Mace can not stay there then neither can I.  Not that I have actually said I was going to stay at your house!!  I am not leaving Mace when he needs me, so I will have to find somewhere else for us to live.  Mango and Bay have both said me and Mace can crash at theirs.   I will accept Mango's hospitality until I can find a house in town that we can rent."

    

     "What the hell is going on here Granite?!"  Forrest snaps 
     "You and your suffocating controlling that's what is going on!!  Taking total control of the situation, to get what you want, without even asking me what I want or need!!  You have decided that me and Mace are over and that I am coming back to you and that is all you see ... sod everything and everybody else!!   You have a steam roller smashing up mine and Mace's life already and we haven't even discussed it properly!!  You have just presumed I am coming back to you ... What about if I don't want to come back to you?"
     "You do ... I know you do!!  You said so when you woke up."
     "Yeah, you hit me with it when I was spaced out and coming out of a coma and not capable of thinking straight!!  Don't you be so sure you know how I think anymore ... I am far from the pathetic needy person that you married!!  I have changed, I grew up and have learned to stand on my own two feet.  I can look after myself as well as make my own choices and decisions.  I don't need you to carry me anymore and I definitely won't let you totally control and dictate my life like you used to!!  I am done jumping through your hoops!!"  I snap at him  "This might be all cut and dried and easy for you, but it sure as hell is not easy for me.  You are expecting me to slam the door shut on my current life and walk straight back into my old life like it is that easy!!"  I snap at him  "You seem to forget, me and you have been apart for twenty years and while you have sat in the same place wallowing, I haven't.  I have moved on with my life, especially the last five years when I have been with Mace.  We have been in a relationship, and even though it has been dysfunctional at times, we still have built a home and life together in Cherry Hill.  We share a house, a bed, friends, holidays, we even have joint bank accounts and matching cars!  We share everything and had a future together ahead of us, before this shit happened.   I have a career, a home and life in Cherry Hill which I was actually quite happy with, and even though I have never admitted it before now, this past five years is the most settled and content that I have ever been in my life and Mace is a big part of that whether you like it or not!!   I can't just switch it all off instantly, I can't just drop it all and walk away from it like it doesn't exist and it doesn't mean anything!!"

     "That is all crap!!  He is all fake and your life together has all been crap and fake.  Atlas and T have told me about the relationship you two have ... even your sex life is a joke."
     "And our sex life wasn't!!"  I snap at him and I hear Mace sniggering because he knows what I am getting at.  "Atlas and T know nothing, not any more!!  They might have seen our relationship in the past when we were rocky, which was all my fault because I was pathetically still holding onto you, but they haven't been around while I have been letting you go and me and Mace have been getting our act together.  They know nothing about our relationship anymore, which has drastically changed for the better in their absence.  I had no intention of ever coming back to this town, you or my old life, the only reason I am back here now is because of Slate needing my kidney."  I snap at him  "So what if Mace was using a fake name, but there is nothing fake about Mace's feelings, or mine for that matter, and our sex life now is better than good as it happens!!"
     "Not anymore it won't be!  He is paralyzed and incapable now remember."  Forrest laughs sarcastically.
     "What the hell is wrong with you?!  Did you SERIOUSLY just say that and laugh??!!"  I stare at Forrest wide eyed and in shock.  "Screw you Leafy!!  Since when did you become such a cold and twisted heartless bitch?"  I snap at him
      "Is it any wander after everything you have done to me!!"  he snaps  "And now you are putting that sniveling drama queen's feelings before mine!"
      "That is cheap and you know it!!"  I snap at him  "Just get lost Forrest and but out of my life, and don't come back until you can behave like a grown up!!   Technically I am still with Mace, he is my boyfriend!!  I left you twenty years ago, and that is exactly how it is staying, until I say otherwise!!"

Forrest just stares at me in disbelief before he storms angrily out of the room.  I glance at Mace and he is sat there with the same look of disbelief written on his face.  He is pinching his own arm, which always makes me laugh.  He always pinches himself to make sure he is awake and not dreaming.

     "What the hell Gran?  Did that seriously just happen?"  Turmeric frowns at me  "Have you and Mace really got your act together?"
     "Yeah  ... these days me and Mace are good!!"  I laugh at the expression on his face 

  
    "Me and Atlas have really been worrying about Mace, especially now he is paralyzed.  We expected you to just dump him like a tonne of bricks and destroy him, once you found out, Forrest still loves you and has been waiting for you to return."  he laughs  
    "You don't need to worry about Mace, me dumping him is not happening!!"
    "You putting Mace before Forrest ... I never saw that coming!!"
    "No ... neither did I!"  Mace mumbles
    

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Song = Writing's On The Wall ~ Sam Smith
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rock 28

What sounds like a quiet humming noise starts to creep into my semi consciousness which starts to irritate me.  My head feels heavy and it is swimming in a confused blur.  I do not know where I am or what has happened ... I feel very strange!!  

Have I gone and got myself hammered or been taking drugs?!  Whatever this feeling is, I really do not like it!!

The humming noise starts getting louder and it does not take me long to realize what the noise is.  People talking, but I am not really paying a lot of attention to what they are saying,  I just lie there listening to the quiet hum, not really taking anything in. 

Somebody laughs quite loudly which startles me.  I try to concentrate on the voices then, that almost sound like they are talking in whispers.  I can not really work out if the voices are familiar or not because they are too quiet.  

I do not have the slightest idea about where I am or who these people might be, that I can hear talking quietly around me.  

I feel someone kiss my cheek a few times.

"I love you Granny." 

Someone whispers quietly, close to my ear, before kissing my cheek again.  There is only one person who used to call me Granny  This sends my head into total turmoil!!  The voice I know, I have not heard it for a very long time, but it is a voice I can never forget!!  My Dad's voice.  I can feel myself starting to panic inside, I think I must have faded because how else would I hear his voice.  Maybe there is something on the other side after all!! 

I try to open my eyes.

"I think he might be starting to wake up!"  My Dad's voice again
 
"We need to get out of here right now!!"   I hear Slate say.  My head really can not make any sense of this situation now.   Hearing my Dad's voice along side Slate's voice, is just nonsense.

The noise in the room cuts to a sudden silence for a second, for a moment you would have been able to hear a pin drop, before what sounds like a mad scramble starts around me.  I hear all sorts of strange noises like a shuffling sound, scraping chairs, shoes on a tiled or concrete floor and a quiet giggle.  A door opens and closes then it all goes deadly silent again.  

My head is swimming in a confused blur while I fight to try and wake myself up.  I feel a soft warm hand gently touching my face and hear the door bang open again, which makes me jump.

"You paged me Dr Rock?"  

I think I can now hear Mango.  Is he talking to me?  I have not paged anybody!!  I do not respond because I think I must be dreaming or hearing things.  None of this is really making any sense, I can only imagine that I am having some kind of wacky dream!!

"He is waking up." I hear Forrest say quietly.

I lie there in the fog clogging up my head.  Very confused. 

I feel soft lips gently touching mine and kissing me as I am drifting slowly out of the fog.  I instantly know it is not Mace.

  "Mace?" I try to mumble
  "Baby it's me."  Forrest mumbles before his lips return to mine.

My confused mind automatically connects this to the last thing that I can remember, and suddenly it all comes flooding back to me. 

I am lying on the living room floor in Gravel's house after he has just shot me.  He actually pulled the trigger, the berry hole, my own brother!!  Well I hope he chokes at my funeral and carries me around heavily in his conscience for the rest of his miserable life!!  I could never have done that to my own brother, no matter how much I hate him sometimes!! 

Forrest is kissing me after he has just told me not to leave him.  I do not intend to leave him, but I do not think I have got a lot of choice in the matter, thanks to my so called brother, who has just sent me a bullet that has just rearranged my insides!! 

"I am trying not to!"  I mumble quietly when his lips leave mine.  

"Baby what are you trying not to do?"  Forrest asks me in a quiet confused voice.

"Leave you.  You just told me not to leave you."  I mumble and wander why my throat feels so dry and sore.

Forrest is quiet for a moment then suddenly starts laughing.

"Oh Berry!!  I said that to you weeks ago, you Joker!!  Just after you got shot."  he carries on laughing then he kisses me again and mumbles quietly against my lips  "You wally!"  I hear somebody else in the room start laughing with Forrest.  "Baby you need to wake up and open your eyes, you have been in the hospital for weeks."

This confuses me for a moment.  I open my eyes slowly and Forrest's face blurs in and out of focus.  He is hovering over me, our faces are inches apart and he is grinning down at me.  

That is when I realize that I am not done for after all!!  

I now know I am waking up in the hospital.  I can hardly feel any pain, there is pain, but it is more of a niggle and nothing like the pain I felt just after the bullet tore into me.  I am almost too scared to ask what damage the bullet actually did to my insides, but at this precise moment I don't really care!!  Forrest is here and I never actually expected to wake up from this!!

Forrest kisses me again, a quick peck on the lips and goes to move away, but I stop him. I do not want him to vanish out of my sight in case I am dreaming this and he does not return.  I hold onto him tightly so he can not go anywhere.  I suddenly remember my Dad's voice.

"I honestly thought I had faded.  I kept hearing my Dad's voice.  I thought I was waking up in hell with him."  I frown at the expression that flashes across Forrest's face for a second.  "But I guess I must have been dreaming!!" 

He smiles at me as he starts to laugh quietly along with whoever else is also in the room.  He calls me a wally and tells me that I would never end up in hell, that is where only Gravel is headed.  I have still got my hand on his neck and pull him back towards me because I want him to kiss me properly.  Which he does but only for a short time and carefully.  As he pulls away he tells me there is plenty of time for that later and he winks at me.

"Does that mean I can come home?"  he starts laughing at me and says he would be mad with me if I do not come home. 

He does not seem to be angry with me at all, as he hovers over me grinning down at me, but I guess there is time for him to have his say, especially about Mace.  He removes my hand from around his neck and this time he moves away from me and out of my field of vision.

I am just about to call Forrest back thinking I might be dreaming or hallucinating because my head is still swimming in a blur.  Suddenly a flash of orange fills my vision and I see Mango's face leaning over me which makes me jump a little.

"You Rock boys seem to be making a habit of sleeping on the job!"  he smiles at me  "Welcome back Granite you gave us quite a scare!!"

Out comes his flash light and he is straight at my eyes, which makes me laugh.  It is like an obsession of his, they say that the eyes are the window to your soul, sometimes I think Mango can see something that the rest of us can not see.  Mango starts to check me over which feels very awkward as I have known him since he was a child.  It feels kind of personal and like an invasion of my privacy.  Now I think I understand how Slate has been feeling.  It is horrible as a doctor to suddenly become the patient, especially when it is somebody that you know well.  I would much rather Forrest be doing this!!  He pulls my gown back to check my stomach and I stare down at the tapestry of incisions and stitches that now make my stomach look like a patchwork quilt. 

It amuses me that Mango is the one here as my doctor, I am guessing that Slate is not the only one getting the special treatment.  I ask him if he is the one who did my surgery and he tells me that he did, all of it, Forrest wouldn't let anyone else touch me!  I guessed, that Mango might have played a part in it somehow, because I doubt I would have been here otherwise!  He is pretty well known for some of the miracles he has pulled off in theatre against the odds.  I know that bullet entered my body in a really bad place, and the chances of me still being here must have been pretty slim!!   I never expected to still be here, I thought that was it for me!

Once he has finished checking me over and asking me a string of questions, Forrest and Mango both sit down and talk me through the damage that the bullet had done.  He explains all the surgical procedures that I have been through, and there have been quite a few.  It was pretty much what I expected but the end result surprises me a little and I think they both felt a little embarrassed and awkward concerning my kidney.  

The close range bullet went in at a funny angle, trust Gravel to be awkward!!  However, thankfully for me, he did not shoot straight, because that is what probably helped to save me.  The bullet instead of hitting my stomach and blowing it into thousands of unrepairable pieces, which would have finished me off within minutes.  Instead, it actually skimmed  my stomach causing only slight damage, hitting my gall bladder and up into my liver, narrowly missing my kidney. An inch to the left and I would have had no kidney to give Slate.  My gall bladder was removed and my liver which was badly damaged, they tried to save it, they had to remove three quarters of my liver and hoped it would repair itself.  However, it was not regenerating itself like livers generally do, it was too badly damaged.  So it had to be completely removed and I have undergone a liver transplant.  So I have lost a kidney, my gall bladder and my liver.

At quite a few points they thought they were going to lose me, because initially, there was a lot going on with my insides.  Forrest gave them the go a head to perform the kidney transplant and to remove my kidney, as they were working in that area of my body, even though it could have increased the complications for me with everything else that was going on.  He gave the go a head, for Slate's sake, in case I did not make it, which they were really not expecting me to do.  So the day I was shot Slate got his new kidney.  If I had faded my kidney would have been no good to him and I did try to slip off quite a few times and they had to keep bringing me back.  They both sit there a little awkwardly, holding their breath, waiting for my reaction.

"Do you think I would not have done exactly the same thing!!"  I start laughing at the both of them who I think are both sat there expecting me to start shouting at them.  "It is fine, he was getting my kidney anyway, you did the right thing, so stop stressing!!"  I carry on laughing at them then stop suddenly because I realize that they haven't actually said if the transplant was a success or not.  "It did work out didn't it?!  Slate is okay isn't he!"

"Yes Slate is fine, your kidney has settled in quite comfortably with no complications, he is off dialysis already!"  Mango smiles at me  "We will be discharging him soon all being well.  However, his mental state is still a worry tho, he has had way too much thrown at him lately, on top of the overdose."

I know that Mango is not convinced that Slate did not intentionally take the overdose.  Mango stays for a while then says he has other patients to see too so he will be back later to check on me.  He goes leaving me and Forrest alone in the room.

Finally I get him alone and wander if I am going to hear what he is thinking and what he has to say about my twenty year disappearing act and especially Mace!!  In a way I feel like I should be worried, but he stands there grinning at me so I relax a little.  If I still know Forrest, he will bide his time and pounce when I am least expecting it, he will probably wait until I am well enough to take one of his bollockings!!  

  

I do not give him a chance to say anything, I grab his hand and pull him onto the bed, he laughs as he starts to kiss me and I run my hand up under his top and across his bare chest then down onto his stomach.  He pulls away quickly, which irritates me, that is twice that he has done that now, almost like he does not want me to touch or kiss him.

"Have you gone off me?"  I ask and he frowns at me  "You keep pulling away, acting like you don't want me to touch or kiss you!"

"Don't be stupid!!"  he laughs at me  "Give yourself chance to wake up properly!!  You are always like a bull in a china shop and I know damn well where your wandering hands are heading!!"  I smirk at him  "I bet your vision is still blurred, you are still talking like you are half asleep and you are trying to wind yourself, and me up already with your wandering hands!!"  he starts laughing  "Besides, I'm twenty years out of practice and this is seriously not the time or place!!  You need shooting or putting down already!!"  

I start to really laugh at him, he pulls a face when he realizes what he has just said about me needing shooting. I smirk as I run my hand across the waist band of his trousers.  He slaps my hand and jumps up off the bed.  Spoil sport!!

"I can not believe you still have this!"  he smiles at me as he pulls my chain out of his trouser pocket and hangs it in the air above me.  I know he is only trying to change the subject.  I stare at the chain and notice that my wedding ring is now on the chain along with the key and engagement ring, and strangely Mace's ring is also on the chain, the one I bought him for his 3oth birthday, but I dare not ask why Forrest now has that ring.

"I know, I can not believe it still turns the lock in the front door!!  How have you never had the locks changed in twenty years?"  I laugh at him pretending that I haven't noticed Mace's ring.

"Not the key you wally!!  Your engagement ring!"

As he takes my wedding and engagement ring off the chain and puts them back on my finger, he tells me that he has worried over that ring because it was originally Mammy's ring.  A ring that has been passed down, through quite a few generations of his family, and even though it is probably not worth much in a monetary sense, it is the sentimental value that is worth much more to him, something that I already know.  He has not known over the years if I have been clean and has always imagined that I would have sold it for a fix.  I smile and tell him those days are long gone and that I have not touched a drop of alcohol or taken a single drug other than prescription ones since the day I walked out of prison.  However, if I had, I would never have sold that ring because I knew how important it is to him.  I did not sell it for a fix when I was using so how could he doubt that I ever would! 

Forrest just stands there and smiles at me for a moment, his eyes seem to glaze over and I can not help but wander what he is thinking as I watch his fingers playing with Mace's ring.  He is almost in a trance, which means his brain is ticking, I think he wants to say something about that ring, he must know I gave it to Mace, but he doesn't know whether to say what is on his mind or not.  The suspense is killing me!! 

I am just about to tell him to spit out what he has on his mind when Forrest suddenly snaps out of his trance and starts laughing at me.  He stuffs the chain, containing the key and Mace's ring, back into his pocket. 

He tells me that he could tell that I had been in our house.   Doors left open including the wardrobe, water marks splashed all up the mirror, towel on the floor, screwed up note on the bed, the albums and letter box left in a mess.  I just laugh at him when he calls me an untidy oaf.  I explained to him that I only went into the house to get some photographs of Amber for Slate.  

He tells me that he had already made up an album full of photographs of Amber that he hoped Slate would get to look at one day, which he now has.  I laugh at him because I should have known.  Amber's album was in the draw along with Slates apparently, I just never noticed it.   He also tells me that Gravel hid all of the photographs that he had in his house, he packed them into a binbag and they have been sat in our attic for the past twenty years.  He hid them so Slate wouldn't find out the lies about his eye colour or about my existence or our connection. 

"Bitch you closed my book!"  he says suddenly and starts pouting  "It took me ages to find where I had read too!!"

"Yes I did titty Baby!!  I wanted to see what soppy rubbish you was reading."  I grin at him and we both start laughing  "I bet you have broken every book spine in the house by now!!"  he mumbles probably  "I am going to get you a kindle!"

"Keep your snobby rubbish!!  I prefer proper books!  I can not believe that posh house you live in!!  Especially not that you have a cleaning lady, window cleaner and a gardener!!"  he starts really laughing, I guess he is remembering the fuss I kicked up over paying a window cleaner we had once  "I hope you haven't turned into a snob while you've been away!"  he smiles at me.

"No Mace is the snob ...." 
 
As soon as Mace's name leaves my mouth I start to feel guilty.  Forrest just stares down at me for a moment searching my eyes.

"How is he?"

  
I am almost too scared to ask him, firstly because I am scared he won't have made it through surgery and that might be why he has Mace's ring, and secondly I do not want to upset Forrest already by keep mentioning Mace, but I have to ask because I am not going to rest until I know he is alright.

"Mace and Atlas are both fine!"  he smiles at me, as he continues to search my eyes, I dread to think what he might be looking for.  "They came through the surgery, but that is all I am going to tell you right now.  You need to come round properly, and think about your own problems before I start throwing things at you to think about!"

Forrest starts to kiss me, properly this time like he wants to and he means it.  I get the feeling he is testing me or is he playing my game, cut off the conversation so he can avoid talking anymore?!  I close my eyes and get drawn into the kiss.  I can not believe just how totally different it feels kissing Forrest compared to kissing Mace.  

I had almost forgotten what kissing Forrest felt like.  I start to remember how he used to make me feel and how quickly he turns me on.  I am a little scared when those feelings are not happen, I just feel numb now while he is kissing me.  I start to wander if I imagined those feelings and they were never there in the first place, I just think they were there, because they are definately not happening now.  All I can think about is Mace.  My hands start to wander, I'm trying to bring the feelings back that I think I can remember, but they are not coming.  Alarm bells start to ring in my head and I am starting to panic inside, he is not even turning me on ... how can I not feel anything when Forrest is kissing me.   He grabs both of my hands and pins them to the bed to stop me from messing and winding him up. 

We hear the door open and Forrest breaks the kiss straight away to look in the direction of the door.  I see Turmeric walking in, his smile turns into a laugh, probably because he has seen us kissing and he is only used to seeing me kiss Mace.  He tells Forrest that he came to see if I had actually been waking up or not because Slate wasn't too sure.

I frown at him, him even being here really confuses me.  I thought that he would have been locked up because of his involvement with Gravel.  I stare at him as he stands at the bottom of the bed smiling at me.  It has been over two years since I saw him last, he looks different somehow but at first I can not work out why.

"Hey bro!!"  Turmeric grins at me.  

I can not help but laugh at him.  Does he forget that we have not spoken for over two years because we had a major falling out?  He is standing there like it is all forgotten, saying Hey bro to me like he always has, like the last two years never happened and we are suddenly best mates again.

"T!!"  Forrest snaps at him "Granite has only just woken up.  I think you really need to wait a while!"  Forrest says to Turmeric  "We have not really told him anything yet!" 

Forrest looks a little agitated.   Turmeric just smiles at him and says it is okay he will wait until I am ready.  I wander what can wait?  It amuses me that Forrest also calls him T. 

Suddenly the door bursts open and a little girl comes running into the room and goes straight up to Turmeric.  She starts holding onto his leg. and glances over at the door, like she is being chased and scared of something.

"I do not want to stay with that man!!"  she says as she clings onto Turmeric  "Uncle T, please I want to stay with you?"

"Sweetie, it is only for a short time."  the little girl starts squealing like she is about to have a tantrum, as she clings onto Turmerics leg  "Okay!  Okay!"  Turmeric shouts at her  "You can stay with me, but only if you behave and be quiet, you know that the man in the bed is very poorly!!"

At first who the little girl might be does not register in my head as I stare at her actually wandering who she is.  She stands there, half hiding behind Turmeric while she is staring at me as I stare back.  Those eyes, hair colouring and that face ... she is a mini Mace.  Then the penny drops, she must be Jasmine, she is so obviously Mace's daughter, she is almost a little mini female version of him.  But what is she doing here and with Turmeric, and why did she just call him Uncle T?  

Turmeric sits down with Jasmine and she climbs onto his lap and starts to suck her thumb.  She looks like a little scared timid thing.

  

The door opens again.

"I am sorry T, Jasmine just ran off and I couldn't keep up with her.  She is still not used to me yet, Mace is asleep and Shale has gone to the gents."  Atlas limps into the room on a walking stick laughing and Turmeric laughs with him.  Who the hell is Shale?  "Man she is a little drama queen and we all know where she get's that from!!"  they both start laughing again quite loudly.  I get the joke, Mace can be quite a drama queen when he wants to be.  This makes me laugh with them, which get's Atlas looking in my direction.  "Oh!! Gran, so you are awake!"  he smiles at me and I smile back.

I am pretty confused by this whole situation.  Firstly Forrest looks very annoyed over something and Atlas is also calling him T.  What is going on?  Since when did Atlas and Turmeric become so pally?  They hardly had anything to do with each other in Cherry and because Turmeric and Mace were always fighting, Atlas always used to take Mace's side and they used to gang up against Turmeric.  Atlas and Turmeric always gave me the impression they hated each other.  

Turmeric and Mace also hated each other, they were always fighting and arguing, especially when my back was turned, I lost count of the times I have walked in on them half way through a slanging match, that instantly stopped the moment I stepped into the room.  Most of the time I don't even know what they were arguing about because they would never tell me.  Mace was always trying to talk me into getting rid of Turmeric, and Turmeric was always trying to get me to dump Mace, and of course there was the strangling incident, which completely finished mine and Turmeric's relationship with one almighty argument.  

So how the hell does Turmeric become so close to Atlas and Mace's daughter all of a sudden?  I feel like I have missed something!

  

I am pretty happy to see that Atlas is still in one piece.  Forrest has already told me that Atlas is okay.  Now he is having to explain to me why he is limping and walking on a stick.  Atlas was shot in the leg.  They think that the police officer who shot him, while Gravel was using him as a human shield, was trying to take Gravel's legs out, but he hit Atlas instead.  He had to have surgery to remove the bullet but once the wound has completely healed, he will have no lasting damage other than a scar.  He is only limping at the moment because it is still very painful.  While Forrest is filling me in I watch Atlas hobble over and sit down next to Turmeric and they are talking quietly and laughing with each other which really does not sit right with my memories.

"So what have I missed T?  Since when did you and Atlas become best buddies?"  I frown at Turmeric, his appearance is also still bugging me.  I can see he has had his long hair cut short and he is now wearing a stupid hat which I have never seen him do before, but something is just not right about him.  "What have you done to yourself T, you look different?  What the hell are you even doing here anyway, shouldn't you be locked up with Gravel? and why have you got Mace's daughter?"

Forrest sits on the bed and tells me there is quite a lot of stuff that they need to tell me but it can wait until later because he doesn't think I am up to it yet. I start to get irritated because I feel like they are treating me like a child.

The door opens again.  I am starting to get a little annoyed with it!  A brown man walks in that I don't know.  He looks at Turmeric and smiles as he makes his way towards him.  I see Forrest put his head in his hands and shake his head.

"Oh there you are, you little monkey!!"  he smiles at them and looks at Jasmine in particular.  "We have just gone into a mad panic mode, wandering where Madam had got too.  Mace said she just ran out and he is getting so stressed out, he is having kittens in there!!"  he starts laughing 

"Shale!!"  Forrest snaps at him.  He turns his head to look in Forrest's direction, and because Forrest is sat on the bed right by me, the man spots me staring at him.

"Oh Berry!!  I am sorry I did not realize Granite had actually woken up!!   I didn't think worrying about Jasmine's whereabouts."  he says to Forrest and starts to look awkwardly embarrassed.  

He glances at me and starts smiling at me again.  Who is this guy?  Man am I spooked!!  I stare at him, so many things about him ring bells in my head.  His name, hair, eyes, colouring, nose, face, it all looks way too familiar!!  

Turmeric jumps up like he is in a flap, lifting Jasmine up off his lap almost like she is weightless and takes her by the hand and leads her towards Shale.  He tells him to take her back to Mace before he does actually have those kittens.

"T who is this guy?"  I frown at Turmeric

"He is ... Jasmine's Uncle."  he says as he bundles the guy and Jasmine out of the room quickly.  That does not make a lot of sense to me.  Mace only has a sister, who is tied up with Gravel.  I can only think that this Shale guy must be Mace's wife's brother or something.

Forrest looks angry and agitated, Atlas can not even look at me, and Turmeric is just facing the door chuckling to himself.  They are making a right hash of trying to hide something from me!!

  

Suddenly this is all starting to really annoy me.  I can already see a lot of odd things happening.  I start demanding that they tell me what is going on, they are acting like idiots, they couldn't get that guy out of the room quick enough and I can tell they are trying to hide something from me and not doing a very good job of it.  I try to get up off the bed in search of some answers and Forrest pushes me back.

"You stay where you are!"  he snaps at me and I see that look on his face.  That is something I have not missed.  He has always worn the trousers in our relationship, he says jump and I jump.  I can tell by that look I am in trouble already!!  We stare at each other for a moment and his face soon starts to softens and the tone in his voice completely changes back to normal.  "Baby trust me!  Just give yourself a few hours to wake up properly!  You need to deal with what has happened to you and your own medical and emotional problems before you go filling your head with any other rubbish!!"

"I am awake!!  So what if my brother tired to fade me because he hates me enough to actually pull the trigger, fuck him, I'm not spending another second even thinking about that Berry Hole!!"  I snap at him  "I am a doctor remember!! I am not worried about my medical problems either, I know exactly what hell I have got ahead of me!  Juggling life with one kidney and someone else's liver, taking anti rejection med's and all the other crap I am going to have to throw down my neck every day for the rest of my life, which in turn are going to cause me other health issues later on in life!   And having to take probably the next three to six months off work is not exactly going to traumatize me is it!!  Especially when I know I should be six foot under instead!!"  I almost yell at him.  "There it is dealt with!!"

Forrest just stares at me with his 'I told you so' look all written across his face.  Who am I trying to fool?  Only myself, when I can feel the tears streaming down my face, because really I have tried to block it all out and avoid thinking about any of it.  

I have not properly dealt with what has happened with Gravel and the shooting and how emotionally that is going to affect me, or thought my future through yet and how this liver transplant and loss of a kidney is going to affect me.  Saying things out loud suddenly makes it hit home hard.  I am now basically in the same boat as Slate, if not worse, and life, for me, is never going to be the same for me again.

"and I want to see Slate!!"  I snap quietly 

I know Forrest is right, I am not emotionally or mentally stable right now.  I do seriously need to think about and deal with my own problems.  Forrest tells everyone to go and sit in the corridor outside while he tries to calm me down.  He lies on the bed with me and holds me until I have finished crying myself out.  We are lay there for ages because I just can't stop the flood.  

I get the feeling that something horrible is coming, that they have got something not nice to tell me, I doubt this is far from over yet!!  I do not know how Mace is other than 'okay', I do not know how Slate has taken everything, and Gravel ....

I do not even know what has happened to Gravel, but at this precise moment, I don't really care anymore.  I am seriously not going to spend another second worrying about that guy!!  As much as I hate him sometimes, he is my brother and I could never have pulled the trigger like he did.  That really hurts!!  He has stabbed me in the back more times than I care to remember, he has almost stolen my sanity over the last twenty years, but that bullet, put an end to us, he killed any history we had, even our gene connection, it is over and done!!  As far as I am concerned he is no longer my brother!!

My main worry at the moment is Slate.  I ask Forrest if Slate has been told the truth about me?  He tells me that Slate has been told and now knows everything.  I suddenly start to panic thinking, it might be Slate, he might not want anything to do with me. 

"Slate is fine!!  He struggled at first but mainly because of Gravel and everything that he has done and especially that his whole life up to now has been a lie."  

I am angry about being taken out of the picture for a few weeks, because I really wanted to be there when he was told the truth about me especially.  I can not even imagine what he might be thinking about me at the moment, I wanted to be there so that I could explain myself. 

"He does not hate you if that is what you are worried about!!  We have had a long talk and you are not a problem for him at all.  He isn't angry with you and doesn't blame you for anything.  He knows you are as innocent and just as much a victim in all of this as he is!!"  he smiles at me  "I think he is actually quite liking the fact that you are his biological Father rather than Gravel!!  He now keeps calling me Mommy, he is such a wind up merchant!!"  he laughs for a moment  "It is both me and Gravel that he is as angry as hell with!!"

I frown at him and he reminds me that he has had a lot of explaining to do to Slate himself.  He has sat here for the last twenty years and helped Gravel to keep the secret when he should have told him the truth.  Slate was also upset with him for walking out on him when he was younger and distancing himself out of Slates life, something that Gravel forced him to do.  However, he thinks Slate is calming down with him a little now, and is starting to understand why Forrest had to do what he has done.  I ask him when and how he found out about Slate being my child.

  

So he starts to explain about how Gravel cracked up and told him.  He told me about how Gravel couldn't even look at Slate when he was a baby, blaming him for Amber fading, and in turn blaming me because he is my child.  What ate Gravel up so much was the fact that he blames me for taking away his chances of ever having children, with the cricket ball, and there was I producing a child like it was nothing.  A child that he had in front of him that he couldn't cope with.  Gravel blames me for taking a lot of things away from him, especially Amber.

Forrest starts to tell me about how he was the one who basically brought Slate up for the first five years of his life, it took Gravel that long to bond with the child.  At one point Gravel would have gladly told me about Slate and handed the boy over to me.  Telling me about Slate was the point of the letters and the one trip they made out to Berry Shores that I turned away.  I will forever kick myself for not reading one of those letters or seeing them that day they came to Berry Shores.  If I had not been so stubborn, the last twenty years would have turned out so very differently!!

Forrest moved the conversation onto telling me all about Slate, his likes and dislikes, his traits and character, the mischief he used to get up to and what he was like while he was little and growing up.  It amused me when he told me he used to take Slate out to Sandy Shores every time he went, up until Gravel made him cut ties with the boy. 

He talked and I listened until he sends me off to sleep, running his fingers gently across my face and neck while he is talking, which always sends me off to sleep.

When I wake up Forrest is no longer with me, before I even open my eyes I can tell that I am now alone in my hospital bed.  When I do open my eyes, the first thing that I see is Slate sitting in the chair next to my bed quietly reading a book.  

I watch him closely, amused by all the facial expressions he is pulling as he reads down the page of his book.  I am still struggle to believe that he is actually my son.  I lie there wandering how do you even be a Father to a child, especially when you have never known that child until he has become a grown man?!  Because I do not have the slightest clue about where to even start with being his Dad!! 

I realize he is sitting there machine free, now with my kidney inside him, he looks a lot healthier than the lost time that I saw him.  I just lie there quietly staring at him until he notices that I am awake.  When he does he closes his book and sits smiling at me.  This is awkward, now what do I even say to him.

"Got any cheese toasties stashed in your room?"  is just the first stupid thing that comes out of my mouth.  "I'm starving!!"   He laughs at me for a moment.

"No!!  You banned Bay from making me any remember!"  he pouts  "See now you have shot yourself in the foot haven't you!  You are NOT going to enjoy hospital food trust me!!"  he laughs  "They should be serving out the dinner slop soon!"  he says as he glances over at the clock on the wall.  "I am a terrible cook, but even what I dish out is more edible!"

I laugh at him and ask him if he has had any bad headaches since.  He rolls his eyes and says he hasn't had any, but he isn't really sleeping any better.  I guess that will come with time, he must have a lot going on in that head of his after everything that has happened and everything he has had to be told.  A lot more than I have been told no doubt.  I ask him where Forrest is and he tells me he has gone to check on Mace and to have a word with Turmeric.  I don't get a chance to ask him any questions because he has one of his own for me.

"How long have you known?"  he just comes straight out with it.  "When and how did you find out you are my Dad and not HIM!"  he snaps with a frown on his face.

I explain to him that I didn't even know he existed until Mango tracked me down and phoned me about my kidney and I didn't find out the truth about him being my son until literally about a week before he woke up.  I explain how me and Mango worked it out from the kidney compatible test results, when we spotted Gravel and Amber had incompatible blood groups to the one he has got, which is exactly the same as mine.  That is when I remembered and realized that the April Fools stunt that Gravel had pulled might not have been a joke after all, and we ran a paternity test to confirm it.  

Slate then asks me why I walked into his room and introduce myself to him as his Uncle when I already knew I was his biological Father.  I frown at his questions because I would have thought that Mango or even Cinnamon would have explained all this to him when they told him the truth.

"I couldn't tell you the truth, even though I wanted to!!  That secret is what has caused this whole situation and I think you can see the lengths he has gone to keep his secret hidden."  I smile at him  "His last words to me before he pulled the trigger were  'Slate is mine and you are not taking him away from me'.  He would have faded anyone who knew his secret, we couldn't put anyone else at risk.  Other than Forrest, only me, Mango and Cinnamon knew that you were my son and not Gravels.  He was prepared to murder both me and Forrest to keep the secret and me away from you."  he pulls a face at me  "We were always going to tell you the truth the minute that Gravel was safely behind bars where he couldn't hurt anyone!!" 

Slate sits there peering at me through squinted eyes for a moment almost like he does not believe or trust me. 

Suddenly I think I realize what his problem is.  Here am I, worried that he won't accept me being his Dad, when he is probably sat there thinking exactly the same thing.  He is probably worried that I might not be happy about it or won't accept him as my son.  He already has a hang up about everyone walking out on him, he feels unloved and unwanted, he probably thinks that I am just going to be another one.  He probably thinks I didn't tell him because I was going to just sneak away after the kidney transplant without telling him the truth.  I laugh at him for a moment.

"Don't think you are ever getting rid of me now either!!  You are stuck with me for the rest of your life, so you better start getting used to the idea that I am your Dad now!!  AND if I ever hear you calling HIM Dad again, I'm going to punch you!!"  I smirk at him  "Avoiding the kidney area of course!"  he starts really laughing at me.   

"I hope you have got a good sense of humor, because you are going to need one having me as your Dad.  I don't even have a clue how to be your Dad for a start and I am not exactly roll model material, berry help those babies of yours!"

"I know Forrest and Mace have already warned me about what you are like.  Forrest says I am a lot like you, so I guess we will be okay!"  he smiles at me.   

I am a little amused that he has been talking to Mace about me, which is a good sign that Mace is mentally okay.

He leans towards the bed and puts his hand under my pillow.  I frown at him wandering what he is doing especially as I see him pulling out a phone.  He hands it too me and tells me that Forrest left it there for me, he forgot to give it to me earlier.  I stare at it and it looks like a brand new phone.  He tells me that my sim card has been put into the phone, that didn't get damaged when my phone was smashed up.  I smile at him.

"Forrest has put his number in your phone, he says to just text him if you want him."  he smiles at me  "My new number is in your phone too."  he looks a little sheepish  "Forrest got me a new phone and a new number, he is playing Mommy already!"  we both start laughing  "Forrest said I had to have a new number so HE could not get in touch with me when he is in prison, and I needed a new phone anyway because I smashed my phone up the wall before I ... tried to cure a headache when I was hammered." 

I laugh at him, I know he is talking about the overdose, he still swears that he did it accidentally and that all he was trying to do was get hammered.  The painkillers was just drunken stupidity, which I can actually believe, because I have done some really stupid things myself when I have been hammered!!  

We start to talk about alcohol and especially my problem, thinking that I might have to explain to him that I will need him to be tea total around me.  He surprises me by telling me that he already knows, Mace and Forrest have both already spoken to him about it.  He says he doesn't normally drink at all, so it is no big problem to him, not drinking around me, because he doesn't plan to touch another drop anyway!!

I ask him where Bay is because I am surprised he has not put in an appearance yet and that he is not with Slate.   Slate says something that confuses me.  He tells me that he is not too good right now and that he is at home with his family.  His parents especially are not coping very well.  I ask what they are not coping with. 

"Cinnamon ..."   

I really frown at him and he frowns back.  I ask him what about Cinnamon and he puts his head in his hands.  I ask him again, what about Cinnamon, he just sits staring at me for ages before he speaks again. 

"Oops!!  They have not told you yet have they!  Shit I should have realize!"  he looks at me awkwardly  "Forrest is going to tan my ass for opening my big mouth!"

"What about Cinnamon Slate?"  he shakes his head, I'm starting to get irritated.  "You may as well tell me now you have started!!"

 "Gravel shot him twice."  he rolls his eyes at me.

My eyes widen in shock, I do not know why but I just presumed I was the last of Gravel's shootings, I have not even asked or been told what happened after he shot me.  Then I remember I heard quite a lot of gunshots after I had fallen, and I thought at one point that I did actually hear Cinnamon's voice in all the commotion.  I have not even thought to ask and especially not about Gravel.  Slate gets up and sits on the bed with me.

"I am sorry, Cinnamon did not make it.  His funeral was yesterday."  he says miserably and I start choking with the shock.  

"No!!!  Why?  How?"

  
"You two were together for a while down in ICU on life support.  We did not think either of you were going to make it at first.  They struggled to stabilize the pair of you and you were both in and out of theatre like a pair of yo-yo's, although your problems were pretty straight forward in comparison to Cinnamon's."  

Slate starts running through a list of the damage done to Cinnamon, around his chest and stomach area, where he was shot.  Slate starts going into the details of all the problems and complications that he had in medical terminology.  I forget he is a doctor himself.  He also tells me about my own problems, something that Mango and Forrest only skimmed over.  Really, I am very lucky to even be here!!

"Slate pass me my patient file."  he laughs at me as I point at them on the desk over on the other side of the room.  We both know that Forrest has moved them out of my reach so I can not look at them. 

"I have been told I can not give them to you!"  I frown at him and demand to see them, I want to know what they are hiding now!!  I am seriously getting sick of this!!  "Okay, I will tell you even though Forrest is going to so fade me!! ... your liver transplant, that is what they are trying to hide ... it was Cinnamon's liver they used."

I stare at him wide eyed as I feel the blood drain from my face.

"We actually found we have a few compatible donors amongst us, for partial donation, obviously mine was the best and I said you could have part of mine, but Mango and Forrest would not let me!!  We are an almost perfect match and they might have gone for it if I had not just had the kidney transplant, they would not take the risk without your say so!!"

"I would have gone ballistic at them if they had!!  You have enough problems without trying to add to them!!"  I frown at him  "How did I end up with Cinnamon's liver if there were other partial donors?  I presume they went with deceased because it was a full donation.  Now I know why they avoided talking about the donation earlier when I asked!!"

"At this hospital, because of anti rejection drugs, we don't tend to match livers, like we do for kidneys and other organs, but Forrest was insistent we got you a good match.  Cinnamon's liver was not perfect, but more than acceptable enough a match to use.  You know full donation is better than part donation so they went with that."  he looks at me awkwardly for a moment.  "It was only the machines keeping Cinnamon going in the end.  There were a lot of complications in surgery, he came out brain stem dead.  So you did actually have a live donation, they didn't turn the machines off until after they had harvested his liver."   

I just stare at him, my face is rigid and I can not react, I do not know how to react because I am not sure that what he is saying is sinking in properly and it is rather a shocking thing for me to have to hear.  Mango and Forrest avoided telling me this, obviously they were waiting to tell me later when they thought that I could take the news a little better.  I ask him how Cinnamon's family are taking it.  I almost feel like I have robbed his body parts so that I can live. I hope they don't hate me for it!!

"No of course they don't hate you!!  He had a donar card and they were quite happy with it, it was actually them who suggested we test him for compatibility, after they were told the machines would have to be switched off.  While Mango and Forrest were searching for a compatible deceased donor, the extended family were all being tested, for a partial donation, when they were told his machines had to be switched off.  You having Cinnamon's liver has kind of made it a little easier for Bay and his family to take.  Scarlet, his girlfriend, is in total pieces at the moment, she has just found out she is pregnant, with his baby." 

I lie there numb with shock, my eyes start welling up.  I can not believe that Cinnamon has gone!!  He was far too young to fade and he had his whole life a head of him.  That poor child is never going to get to know it's Dad.  Another life that Gravel has destroyed, and the poor thing hasn't even been born into this world yet!!  Suddenly I feel like this is all my fault!!   

It is not like I even knew the guy too well, but I am already an emotional wreck and now I feel guilty because I lived and he did not.   I made the phone call to Cinnamon that kick started this all off, if I had spoken to somebody else instead of him, he might still be here now!!  He had to fade and I now contain a part of him which has helped me to live.

I hear Slate making a phone call as I start to cry. 

"I've just put my big foot in it with your hubby!!"  Slate says into his phone  "I slipped up and told him about Cinnamon, I think you need to get in here!!" 

Forrest appears instantly almost like he was outside the door when Slate phoned him.  The door bangs open loudly as Forrest storms through it, I don't need to be told in temper, he's always so gentle with everything.  Forrest instantly comes to the bed and puts his arms around me, while he cuts his eyes at Slate.  He amuses me a little because of what he says to Slate, even though I really am not in the mood to laugh.

"Don't think that cheeky monkey grin of yours is going to work on me Slate Rock!!  Like Father like Son, neither of you engage your brains before you let your mouth run away with itself!!   You would trip over your own tongue if it was long enough."  Forrest frowns at Slate  "I hope Cinnamon fading is all you have told him!!"

"No, I had already told him about Cinnamon fading, he started demanding to see his patient notes, so I told him everything about the liver transplant.  He needed to know anyway, before Bay or one of his lot slips up and says something!!"

Forrest pulls Slate to one side and out of my ear shot, I can see he is giving him a bollocking.  I shout for Forrest to lay off Slate and snap that I am glad that at least someone around here is being straight with me.  He ignores me and carries on taring strips off Slate and there is nothing I can do about it, too weak to get out of bed.   

That is when I notice that Turmeric has come into the room with him, he stands quietly amused watching Forrest and Slate.  I also watch them, Forrest quietens down and they now have their heads together talking, and I start to think that there is a lot of bad stuff coming that they are trying to keep from me as long as they can.  Why else would Forrest be acting like this. 

"Where is Jasmine?"  I ask Turmeric just for something to say. 

"Next door with ... Atlas."  he stumbles on his words and pauses before he says Atlas, almost like he was just about to say somebody else's name but stopped himself.  This confuses me, but more for the fact that I am wandering who else is in Intensive Care. Atlas being next door could only be because of Mace.  Mace shouldn't be in ICU, he should be in Neurology.

"Next door?  Who is next door T?  Who else is in ICU?"

"OH GREAT!!"  Forrest snaps "Thanks a lot!! Now you are at it T!!"  he laughs sarcastically  "Loose tongue must run in the genes, Hell! If you can't beat them, I may as well join in!!"

Turmeric and Slate start sniggering, while I frown at the three of them wandering what Forrest is even on about!!  Forrest comes and sits on the bed. I tell him he had better spit it out and tell me exactly what is going on, I want to know who is next door, who else is in ICU?  If he doesn't tell me, I am getting up to go and look for myself.

"Don't pull that face at me Leafy!!  I know you are hiding things from me, I WANT TO KNOW NOW!!  WHAT is going on??!!" 

Forrest pulls the chair up close to the bed and sits on it, he leans his head on his hand while he is stroking my face with his other hand.  I already know I am not going to like what is coming because this is what he always used to do, stroke my face while he told me something that he knew would upset me.

 
"You are not in ICU.  You are up in Neurology, we moved you when you came off life support, Slate has also been moved up here."  I frown at him.  "Mace is the one next door so you don't need to panic, he is on the mend."

"Why are we all up in Neurology?"  I frown at him

"Because ... Gravel is down in ICU.  Elderberry had to shoot him because he had his gun to my head threatening to blow my brains out."  my eyes widen  "Gravel has just come off life support and they have had to shut down part of ICU, until he is okay to be moved to the prison hospital, which can't come soon enough for me!!  Unfortunately the Berry Hole is going to be okay medically, you might guess he's going to come out of this with just a scar after he has messed up everyone else!!"  he pulls a face at me and sounds very angry as he says it.   "You know how it goes when there is a hard criminal in the place, it's like a circus down there, armed police everywhere, NOBODY can even go into see him, not that we want to!!  Only Mango is getting to do that as he has been assigned as his doctor.  

"I don't get it, why didn't they just keep us in separate rooms?" I frown  "If he's handcuffed to the bed, it's not like he can get at us is it!?"

"The police made us move all of you out of ICU to get you away from Gravel."  he rolls his eyes  "We have got armed police outside Neurology too, and next door because of Mace.  They are now protecting Mace more than treating him as a criminal."  I notice him give Turmeric a strange look  "We are all having to stick together and we have police escorts.  This is about more than just Gravel's secret, and we are not sure this is all quite over just yet.  We could all still be in danger.  Our house is more like a hotel and safe house at the moment!!"  he laughs quietly.  "We have all been rounded up into one place."

"What?!  Who is we?  Forrest I think you need to tell me everything and NOW!!"

"I will, but, it can wait a while, we'll talk about it later!"  I frown

"NO FORREST!!  Stop babying me!!  You can tell me now or I'll go and find someone who will tell me!!"  I snap at him  "You can start by telling me exactly how Mace is and I do not want your bull about him being fine!  I want the facts!!"

He rolls his eyes before he starts to tell me that we were right with our diagnosis, he did have a intracerebral hemorrhage, caused by a depressed skull fracture.  The bleed was only actually slight and the surgery pretty straight forward and he will have no lasting or permanent problems because of it.  Atlas says that he is 100% himself mentally and verbally and the partial paralysis to his upper body has now gone.   He looks at Turmeric nervously for a moment.

"His spine?"  I ask and Forrest shakes his head miserably  "Please No!!"

"Yes, I'm sorry!!"  he pulls a face  "The damage to his spinal cord was complete."  I just stare at him wide eyed as they start welling up, while what he has just said sinks in.  Mace is paralyzed, I am struggling to believe it!!  "He actually seems more bothered about them shaving all his hair off and the scars on his head at the moment.  He cried when he realized his hair had all gone!"  I laugh half heartedly for a second because Mace would, he is very vain especially when it comes to his hair.  "Man he doesn't half cry some!!"  Forrest chuckles  "Not even telling him his hair would grow back in a few months stopped the flood!!"

 

"He is over emotional, and he does cries at the silliest of things, but you will find his hair was just a cover for why he was really crying!!  He would never cope without his legs!!"  I mumble quietly, thinking about his love for jogging, working out, sex, oh berry!!  This is going to destroy him!!  "T7, T9,T10 wasn't it?"   I frown at Forrest

"Yes, he is paralyzed from the waist down and I think you know, it is going to be permanent."  Forrest says quietly. 

I already knew it was going to be permanent with no hope of rehabilitation, because of him saying that the damage to his spinal cord was complete.  Hearing him saying it out loud cracks me up.  

Mace is never going to walk again and he is going to have to spend the rest of his life in a wheel chair.  Gravel has done that, not satisfied with what he has already done to him, he has now totally ruined his life completely!!  I can not hold it in even though I really do not want to do this in front of Forrest.  

I completely crack up and start crying like a baby.  I have all sorts of visions flashing through my head, especially ones of Mace in a wheelchair, in prison.  How is he ever going to cope now?!  Like it already was not bad enough!!   More to the point, how do I turn my back on him now?  Who is going to look after him?  What sort of monster would it make me to dump him and walk away from him now?!

Look at what Gravel has already done, all the people he has murdered, Me and Slate have both had to have transplants because of him, Cinnamon has faded, Mace is permanently paralyzed.

I wander what else is coming?  Surely there can not be anything else!! Can there?!

Forrest just holds me while I lie there sobbing uncontrollably.  He does not seem too bothered that I am lay here crying over Mace, and if he is, he isn't letting it show. 


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