Rock 31

I lie quietly, helplessly and painfully watching Mace as he struggles to heave himself out of his wheelchair and onto the bed.   At one point, he nearly falls onto the floor, his chair starts moving from underneath him because he had forgotten to apply the brake on the wheels.   He struggles to move his heavy and dead legs around so that he can lie on the empty bed next to mine.

My heart nearly breaks watching what he has got to spend the rest of his life living with.  Knowing how losing the use of his legs is going to affect his life, which will now have to change completely.  His love of dancing, working out, jogging, sex, have all been stripped away from him.  I really do not know how he is going to cope with losing a big part of himself, along with everything that lies ahead of him, especially his impending prison sentence. 

I can not help but feel guilty and think it is all my fault. 

     "Baby you should have asked T to help you before he went off chasing after Forrest."
     "I am okay, I have to get used to doing it.  I keep being told I have to learn to do it for myself. "  he laughs sarcastically  "Apparently if I don't stop wallowing in self pity and buck my ideas up I am going to be a burden on Jasmine and ruin her life ... her now having only half a Dad to look after ... like I asked for this!!"  he snaps as he starts to thump his leg repeatedly in frustrated anger.
     "Hey stop that ... your legs can still bruise and break, even if you don't feel it!!"  I shout at him  "Half a Dad is better than no Dad at all, which is what she could have been facing right now!!"  I tut at him  "Who said that anyway?!"
     "Who do you think!!  That green thing of yours!  Insensitive twat ... he is not even giving me a minute to get my head around the idea of being a permanent cripple, or anything else that is going on!!  He thinks I should just accept it, be up and off with a big grin on my face!!"  he tuts  "He has been giving me hell, trying to tell me what to do as well as rearrange my life, I do not know who the hell he thinks he is!! "
     "Ignore him, he can be bossy, insensitive and selfish sometimes!!  The trouble with Forrest, he is a control freak!!  He will be as nice as pie when things are going his way, the minute they are not, the roof comes off ... and he has to be the worlds worst sulker.  After what I said to him earlier, I wouldn't be surprised if I don't see him now for a few days"
     "Oh, so what's this ... you telling me HE has faults!!  I thought he was Mr Perfect!!"  Mace laughs at me sarcastically.
     "Okay so I exaggerated a little to keep you in check."  I laugh at him trying to make light of the conversation, but it doesn't go down too well because Mace just glares at me.  "I'm sorry!!  Seriously ... I guess I just concentrated on the good things about him and pushed the bad things to the back of my mind!!  Only coming back has reminded me of his faults.  I think you know, nobody is perfect ... only me!!"  I grin at him.
      "So full of yourself ... you have plenty of faults Mr!!"  he laughs at me  "I know nobody is perfect ... but I think it is more a case that you are only just seeing him through sober eyes!!  Were you not constantly pissed and high as a kite all the time you two were together!!  Mr Perfect was just a smacked up drunken dream!!"
       "Ha ha very funny!!"  I stick my tongue out at him trying to laugh it off.  However, I can't help but think he has actually just made a very good point.  "Baby I'm sorry if he has been getting at you!!  I thought he was feeling for you, but obviously I was wrong."
     "He doesn't really give a toss about Jasmine you know, its me being a burden to you, that's his real problem!!  He wants me out of your life permanently and as quickly as he can make it happen."  he grunts as he throws his head back on the pillow and lets out a big sigh.  "I really hate this Gran, I want my legs back!!"
     "Mace I am really sorry!!"  I mumble quietly

     "What are you sorry for?"  he frowns at me as he lies there staring back at me.
     "It is my fault ... I should never have left the house and left you alone with him.  If I had stayed in bed with you, he never would have hurt you."
     "Don't be silly, it wasn't your fault!!  He did this to me, not you!!  It is not the first pasting I have had off him, he's been paling me since I was a kid, this time he just took it a little too far."  he smiles at me  "Where did you go that night anyway?"  he frowns at me  "I was confused, he just woke me up yelling and dragging me out of bed, I didn't know what the hell was going on, or where you had gone."
     "I bet he wanted to know where your sister was didn't he?"
     "Yeah, he thought I knew where she was and had something to do with her going awol."
     "I guess you know now, the police took her and Jasmine into a safe house after they recovered Aniseed, Basil and Tamarin's bodies out of the lake."   I watch him wince  "They didn't realize that Tarragon was his partner in crime at the time.  Gravel was stressing over Tarragon doing a disappearing act on him ... have they told you she is pregnant?"
     "Yeah, I am not allowed to see or speak to Tarragon, but El told me.  She says Tarragon recons it is Gravel's baby.   Gran is that a joke?"  he raises his eyebrows  "That is not likely with his medical problems is it?
     "I wouldn't have thought so."  I smile at him  "Pregnant with his child is what she has been telling Gravel and he didn't believe it.  He thought she had been messing about behind his back and had done one because they had a huge row!!  He asked me if I could get his swimmers tested again on the sly."  we both laugh for a moment.  "I guess we will just have to wait until this baby is born to know for sure.  Either way you are definitely getting a new little Nephew."
     "Oh Berry ... I have been too busy worrying about Jasmine, I haven't even given that baby a thought until now ... Tarragon is spending the rest of her life inside like Gravel ... what the hell is going to happen to the kid!?"
     "I guess that all depends on who the Father is.  If he doesn't or can't take it then the baby can only go into care if you don't take it ... you don't have anymore family on the Brownie side do you?"
     "No!! ... Gravel has single handedly wiped all of my family out!!  Gran, how can I take the baby when I am in prison."  he starts to look distressed  "How can I let the kid go into care, besides Tarragon, that baby is the only Brownie family that me and Jasmine have."

      "Don't stress!!  If that situation arises, we will deal with it.  If you decide you want to take the baby, then I guess I could look after it until you come out of prison, I'm looking after Jasmine anyway ... and you never know, IF by some miracle it does turn out to be Gravels, then I suspect it will be my door they will be banging down first anyway with you having a stint inside." 
      "If it is Gravels, would you take it and look after it?"  he frowns at me
      "I think you know I would.  I can't spite the kid because of who and what his Dad is, and the kid will be my nephew, he will be our family."  I smile at him  "It is definitely a boy by the way."
      "How the hell do you know?"
      "Between me and you, Mango told me ... he has had a poke around in your sisters maternity notes.  The baby is due about a month before Corals twins."  I laugh a little  "You know in a way, I really hope your sisters baby is Gravels ..."
      "Karma, for what he did to you and Slate."  he grins at me
      "Exactly ... he robbed my boy because he thought he would never have any of his own.  Just imagine how he will be feeling when he finds out he does actually have a child of his own ... knowing that he has gone and got himself locked up for the rest of his life, and he will never be able to play a part in his son's life ... it will destroy him!!  It will crucify him just knowing that I have got Slate as well as his son."
      "See I told you he was going to seriously burn in hell didn't I!!"
      "We can but hope so!!" 

We both lie there laughing for a while.  His laughter dies a lot sooner than mine.

     "Gran ... are you really okay about having Jasmine while I am inside?"
     "Yes of course I am."  I smile at him  "She is my Niece remember and her and Slate seem to be getting on like a house on fire!!"
     "Yeah, Slate is loving all his new family, even me!!  Unlike that green thing of yours!!"  he laughs  "I still can't get my head around Slate being yours!!"  he grins at me
     "Me neither!!  I am never going to forgive Gravel for robbing me of 20 years of his life, or what he drove him to do to himself!!"
      "Yeah like he robbed me of 5 years of my daughters life and he has not finished yet, I am going to have to miss even more when I get sent down!!"  he starts to look upset
      "Don't worry about Jasmine, I will look after her!!  You know I have always wanted kids ... and Jasmine will give me something to focus on instead of moping about you being inside.  She will keep me grounded and stop me from going off the rails, just like you have for the past five years."
    
   

     "You still haven't told me ... where were you when the berry hole was breaking my back and caving my head in?" he frowns at me  "When I phoned you, which he made me do before he started laying into me, you said you had a headache and were just walking."
     "I didn't have a headache, I'm sorry it was just an excuse because I had sneaked out of the house, I didn't think you would understand if I told you where I was going.  I broke into Forrest's house to get Slate some photographs of his Mother."
     "You broke in?!"  he looks at me wide eyed.
     "Well not exactly ... "  I look at him sheepishly.  "The key hanging around my neck ..."
     "You don't have to tell me!!" he cuts me off  "I knew all along that was the front door key to your house here and your engagement ring.  Gravel told me!!"  he squints at me.  "Which reminds me ... engagement rings ..."  his face twists up and straight away I know he is talking about our bogus engagement.
     "I am really sorry!!  They made me do it ... the ring was the best way to bug you 24/7 without you getting suspicious.  I am sorry if it hurt you!!"
     "Obviously it did, and when they first told me the truth it nearly destroyed me!!"  he starts to look upset  "Dad made me feel a whole lot better about it!!  He says that ring is what saved my skin ... even though it hurts, really I am grateful, without it they would never have uncovered the truth.  Gravel would have never come clean so I would have taken the wrap for his shit and been looking at a life sentence, while Gravel was still out on the streets causing his evil madness!!"
    "I am glad you see it as a good thing!!  They know the truth about you and Gravel now, which is far more important."  I start to laugh at him  "All the sex we was having at Gravels ... you do realize Cinnamon, El, Crimson, the police officers here and in Apple Hill ... they were listening don't you!!"
     "Oh Fudge!!"  his eyes widen  "I never even gave that a thought!!"
     "It's okay for you ... while you was totally oblivious, I had to perform KNOWING they were listening and not only to the ring, the whole house was bugged ... even the bathroom!!"  he starts to laugh  "Half the time, El turning up for you, was their way of separating us when they couldn't take it any more!!  We were knocking them sick.  I have never been so embarrassed in my life, especially when Cinnamon kept ribbing me about it in front of Mango and the the other police officers!!"   

Mace starts howling with laughter and I can't help but join him.
    

   
    "Please tell me, I did not imagine what I heard you saying to Forrest!!"  he frowns at me once our laughing fit is over.  "You did actually tell him that you are not dumping me to go running back to him?"
     "No, you didn't imagine it, that is exactly what I said!!" 
     "I swear I am going to wake up from a dream in a minute!!"
     "I saw you pinching your arm quite a few times, you tit."  I laugh at him  
     "After the way you have carried on all these years, I can not believe that you have chosen to stay with me when you have the chance to go back to him!!"  he frowns at me  "Gran ... please tell me you are not staying with me just because of pity!!"
     "NO!!  You can get that thought right out of your mind!!  You heard everything that I said to Forrest and I didn't just say it for the sake of saying it!!  I meant every word and I do need you just as much as you need me right now, I told you I would look after you didn't I, and I meant it!!" I smile at him  "Besides, he is being very unreasonable if he thinks it is so easy for me to forget the last twenty years and just turn my back on the life we have, my job, our home, and especially you.  He is acting like I can just walk straight back into my old life like our life now does not mean anything ... baby I am sorry he had no right to tell you we were over!!" 

Mace squints his eyes and just stares at me for a while  

    "What?!"  I laugh as I ask him
    "Did something happen to your head when you was in that coma?"
    "No why?"  I laugh at him 
    "You have gone all weird on me, but in a good way!!"  he smiles at me.  "You have been saying some strange and unexpected things since you regained consciousness.  I don't think you even realize you have been doing some of it either ... you keep calling me baby when you never have before, I've never heard you apologizing to me so much, and you actually told me you love me earlier, freely and out loud in front of everyone.  The way you are acting, the things you are saying, the decisions you are making, the way you keep looking and smiling at me, it is starting to show ..."
     "What is starting to show?"
     "I am beginning to think you actually do love me.  I know you probably will deny it, but you are not doing a very good job of hiding it anymore ... and I am not the only one who has noticed it." 

We just stare silently at each other for what seems like ages.  I do not know what to say to him because I honesty do not know what is going on with me myself anymore.  I have felt a little strange and confused even, since I woke up from the induced coma.  I do suddenly have a load of new, strange and surprising feelings that I have never felt before, and I don't have a clue why I am feeling them. 

I have known for quite a while that I am going to struggle to let Mace go, now I am not sure that I want to or actually can let him go.  I can not get the image of him lying lifeless on the floor not breathing, the way I felt terrified me, the desperation I felt trying to get him breathing again and the medical attention that he needed.  The though of losing him was unbearable, just like the thought of him no longer being a part of my life is becoming.  Suddenly I am totally confused about how I am feeling, and it is not just Mace.  As far as Forrest goes, after our earlier conversation, old memories, unwanted feeling and the reality of my old life has all come slamming back.  The initial excitement of seeing him again has died away instantly, I feel deflated and let down, almost like he has already shown me that the twenty year fantasy that I have been having about returning to Forrest and my old life was a whole lot better than the reality of it or what I now face.  
     
I hear the door open so I automatically break eye contact with Mace and turn to look to see who is entering the room.  I am grateful for the interruption so that I don't have to react to what Mace has just said to me.  Hovering in the doorway is the brown man that I have seen before, who I now know is my brother Shale.  I can not help but think that he looks a little like Slate.

     "Brownie, what are you playing at bro?  I can't believe you are chilling out in here while Dad is spitting feathers next door waiting for you.  He wants to know just how much longer you are going to be?  You know how impatient he is."
     "Oh yeah, Gran I forgot."  Mace smirks then starts to laugh  "Dad sent me in here to ask you if you are up to seeing him yet?"
     "Seriously bro ... you haven't even asked him yet!!"  Shale laughs at Mace  
     "I forgot didn't I ... I got distracted. "
     "Yeah, T says you always have your head in the clouds these days, and now I can see it!!"  he laughs then smiles at me.  "Granite is it okay if I come in?"
     "Yeah sure."  I mumble

Shale walks into the room and stands by the bed.  I just lie there smiling at him and he just smiles back not saying anything.   I don't have a clue what I am supposed to say.  It is hard enough getting my head around Turmeric being my brother and I've known him for a long time, this feels awkward because I don't know Shale at all.  For a start I do not like his name!!

     "Hi, I am Shale, I guess you know by now, I am one of your brothers."  he smiles as he holds his hand out to me.  I just stare at it for a moment thinking that is not the normal brotherly thing to do - shaking hands. 
     "Well this is very awkward!"  I start to laugh at him as I take his hand and shake it. 
     "It has not exactly been the best way for you to find out about your extra brothers and family, but hey, Gravel has never done anything conventionally it seems!"
     "No it has not really been the best way!!"  I smile at him  "All I need to know is that you, Silt and Thyme are more like Turmeric and nothing like Gravel, then we will be okay!!"  he starts to laugh at me.
     "You do not have to worry on that score, Mace will tell you, Gravel has always been the bad apple and the thorn in everyone's side!!   He is one on his own that one, I doubt there is another like him!!  Dad says he gets his evil streak from his Mother."  

That upsets me a little, my Mother did not have an evil streak, in my book it has always been my Dad.  However, I keep my thoughts to myself because I do not want to upset this new brother of mine already, they all seem to be close and very over protective of Dad for some reason.

     "So what job do you do Shale?"  

I ask him because I really do not know what else to say to him, without snapping back to defend my Mother and upsetting him.  I am finding this extra specially awkward.  This is not just like getting to know some random person that you have just met.  This is getting to know my brother who I should have known all my life.
 
     "I am in the force.  I'm a Detective Chief Inspector over in Orange Falls."  I laugh at him
     "I guess that figures, I bet you are all in the force like Dad!"
     "Oh no, it is just me, and of course you know Gravel was only playing at being a police officer!!"  he laughs  "Silt is the musical one, Thyme is the arty one, Tamarin was a school teacher, Coal is a doctor and I doubt I have to tell you anything about Turmeric or Macey boy."  he laughs quietly   "Gravel is the evil one ... so what are you?  Shale raises his eyebrows at me. 

  
     "I am the one with all the brains and beauty naturally"  I smirk at him
     "He is the tight arsed joker!!"  Mace laughs
     "Hey boyfriend, what happened to me being a sexy surgeon, that is how you usually describe me!?"  we just laugh at each other for a moment, but I can see Mace looks a little uncomfortable.   "What's up ... are you going off me now you have finally got your label?!"  I laugh at him
     "Seriously Gran, give them a chance to get used to the idea of us ... they are used to me being with Tami remember.  Dad, Shale, Thyme and Silt, are struggling to get there heads around us being together for the past five years."
     "I'm sorry, I didn't think!!"  I mumble quietly, and try to change the subject quickly  "So Shale, I guess you want to know if I am the person that Gravel has been telling you all that I am?  The unapproachable evil, junkie, drunk criminal."
     "No, we know now that you are not!!  Turmeric, Atlas and Mace have pretty much filled us in on who you really are."  he smiles at me  "I am just sorry we have listened to Gravel all these years and that we didn't try to find you sooner."
      "Yeah and I am guessing you have already checked out my criminal record, you being filth.   I think you can see I have been a good boy for over twenty years!!"  I smirk and Shale laughs at me.
      "Naturally!"  he laughs  "Dad is very impressed by how you have turned your life around!!  I have to say the change from being a convicted addict to a very highly respected Neurosurgeon, is quite an achievement!!"  he smiles at me and I laugh wandering where the 'highly respected' has came from? "We are very angry with Turmeric and Mace, them knowing you all this time and not telling any of us, especially what Gravel has been doing to the three of you." 
      "Yeah you aren't the only one who would have loved to have known what was going on, I have lived the last twenty years totally blinded and in the dark.  I still can not get my head around T being my brother!!  I have known him for over 15 years, he was my best mate for most of them.  I really don't know how he kept it to himself all that time!!"
    

      "Yeah well Turmeric is very good at hiding things, especially his thoughts and feelings."  Shale rolls his eyes   "I guess you and Slate will get on well with Coal, the three of you being doctors.  Coal is a trauma surgeon."
     "Who is Coal?  Turmeric hasn't mentioned him before."
     "I am not really surprised T hasn't mentioned Coal."  Shale glances in Mace's direction and they both start laughing  "Coal is officially your nephew, he is Turmeric's son.  However, Dad adopted him when he was a baby and has brought him up as one of his own, so we see Coal more as a brother rather than our nephew."  he smiles at me  "He wanted to be here, but Coal and Turmeric do not get on very well.  There is enough drama going on here already without adding their carry on to it, so Coal stayed home, but he can not wait to meet you."  Shale smiles at me and Mace starts laughing again.
     "Coal is older than me."  Mace tells me.  My eyes widen because I am surprised by that.  "T was a very naughty boy when he was thirteen."
     "THIRTEEN?"  I am shocked
     "I think you know what T is like where women are concerned, a dirty dog.  Well he started very early."  Mace laughs  "The situation with the babies Mother is the reason why he is the way he is.  I don't think he has ever gotten over it."
     "THIRTEEN!!"  I say again, not quite believing it, and especially that Turmeric has a child at all!!  "Why do Coal and Turmeric not get on?"
   "Coal has nothing to do with either of his parents if he can help it, he has never actually seen his Mother."  Shale smiles at me.  "Turmeric doesn't even acknowledge Coal as his son, which obviously upsets the boy.  T left home and did one when Coal was five, he went on a fools mission trying to find Coal's Mother ... I swear the idiot is still in love with her, but he has never found her."
     "So what happened?  Why has Coal never seen his Mother?" 

     "They thought they were loves young dream apparently, both just kids at school and both thirteen when Coal arrived, and neither of them were mature enough to know what they were doing let alone take care of a baby.  Dad says her parents were totally furious and took control of the whole situation.  A baby at that age would have ruined their daughters future they thought, which they totally blamed Turmeric for.   Her parents decided to split them up, they banned her from seeing T, and actually took out a restraining order to legally keep T away from their daughter.  They sent her away to a boarding school after the baby was born, and T never saw her again.  It broke him and messed his head up, Dad says T has not been right ever since.  
       "I guess this is the reason for T's commitment issues."
       "Yeah, we think it is."  Shale rolls his eyes at me.
       "So did they give the baby to Dad?"
       "No.  Her parents put the baby straight into care and up for adoption, they didn't discuss it with my parents and they didn't even bother to give him a name!!  Dad went totally ballistic and had to fight the system to get custody of him.  There is no way he would have let that boy stay in care, when he had a perfectly good family to take care of him.  My parents finally got custody of the baby and adopted him.  
       "So doesn't the Mother or her family have anything to do with Coal?"  I frown at Shale  "You said he has never seen his Mother."
      "No, her family moved out of town the following year and they have not been seen since.  She never came back after boarding school looking for T or the baby."  Shale smiles at me.
      "I bet that messes Coals head up!!"  
      "Yeah it has a bit, but he has always had us lot."  he smiles   "Like Mace pointed out, Coal is actually older than me, Silt, Mace and Tami, so we have always seen and treated him as an older brother, there is only Thyme and Gravel who see him as a nephew, and I guess you will too.   Coal calls our Dad Dad, not Granddad, while he calls T all the names under the sun, none of them very pleasant.  Turmeric totally blanks Coal, and every time they get together it always ends up a slanging match or punch up.  As you can imagine it causes a lot of tension between us all, especially at family get together's."

     "Wow!!  I am really surprised at T."  I smile then turn to Mace  "The baby being put in care, I guess that is why you said Dad would rip Forrest's head off for suggesting Jasmine be put into care."
     "Yeah that is part of it, you say Social Services to Dad and he goes off on one."  Mace laughs  "but it is mainly and more to do with you, when you was a baby."
     "What?!"  I frown at Mace, but something springs instantly into my head, something that Mango has told me about my Mother and Social Services, something that I have tried not to think about.
     "Okay Mace, blabber mouth ... let Dad tell Granite!!"  Shale pulls a face at Mace  "Talking of Dad ... bro you really need to get your gay but back next door with an answer to Dad's question, or he might just come in here and ask for himself.  Leaving Granite with no choice but to see him."
     "I don't want to see Dad!!"  I jump in as they both look at me.  I can feel myself starting to panic inside, at the thought of seeing Dad again.  "Are Silt and Thyme here?"
     "Yeah they are next door with Dad."  Shale mumbles
     "I want to see them first.  I don't know if I'll ever be able to face that so called Dad of mine!!  My extra family I am fine with, just not him!!"
     "Baby, you really need to hear your Dad out."  I pull a face at Mace.
     "I don't know if I can!!  Between Gravel and Dad, they have turned virtually the whole of my life into a lie ... I don't know if I can take hearing any more, especially his pathetic excuses!!"  I pull a face at Mace.  "Mace, you know how I feel about that man!!" 
     "Oh don't I just!!  Having to sit listening to you bad mouthing him for the past five years has nearly killed me, not being able to say anything or put you straight!!  Seriously you really have got Dad all wrong!!"  he smiles at me.
     "I don't know how!!  You didn't live through the hell I did when I was a child, I was actually relieved when he faded, that's how bad it was!!  He might have been a Father to all the others, but he has never been one to me!!"  I snap  "For berry's sake he has left me thinking he has been faded for the past 34 years ... what kind of Father does that to his son!!??"
     "Granite he has a very good reason for everything!"  Shale mumbles
     "Go on then brother, you tell me!!"  I stare at Shale  "You tell me why he just went off and left me when I was 12 years old!!  You tell me why he fake his death and I am the only one who has been kept in the dark!!  The truth is he hates me just as much as I hate him!!"
     "He doesn't hate you - far from it!!  I'm sorry, I can't tell you, it really needs to come from Dad."

      "Mace you tell me!!"
      "Baby I can't ... like Shale said, Dad needs to explain everything himself!!"
      "Dad!?  Why do you keep calling him Dad!!"
      "Because he has been much more of a Dad to me than Fudge Brownie ever was!!"
      "Since when?  Since you married Tamarin?"
      "No!"  he looks at me sheepishly  "Since I was eleven nearly twelve, when he took me in!!"
      "WHAT!?"  I frown at him  "You need to explain how the hell that happened!!"
      "My Mother faded when I was eleven, only a few months after Fudge was sent down, she was stabbed to death, and I was the one who found her."  he starts to choke  "Who ever murdered her was never caught, but I have always suspected it was Gravel.  They had evil arguments after Dad was sent down, and he wanted her out of the way just as much as my Dad and his brothers.  I think you know yourself, she was just as involved in the criminal underground as Fudge was."
      "Fudge, I never even gave your Mother a thought!!  Baby I'm sorry!!"  I frown at him  "Have you told the police what you suspect about Gravel murdering your Mother?"
      "Yeah, they are looking into it."  he mumbles  "El has dug out her old case files, she says they are hopeful that they will be able to charge Gravel with her murder, as well as a few other unsolved cases, in that area around the same time." 
      "At least that's something!"  I smile at him  "So come on, how did you end up with Dad?"
      "I think you know now that Gravel was the 'hidden one' controlling the mob while you was there.  Gravel stepped out of the shadows after he had you, my Dad and his brothers banged up.  Tarragon stepped into Dad's shoes and together they continued running the mob.  Tarragon didn't want the hassle of looking after me, I was useless to them and getting under their feet.  She was always complaining about how soft I was, and how I was going to make a useless criminal, especially when it came to fighting.  I think you know she got the balls not me!!"  this makes me laugh  "I think Gravel took me out to Orange Falls to get rid of me ... he virtually dumped me on Dad ... and before you ask no he did not adopt me officially, I am just one of his foster kids."
      "Just one of?!"  I frown at him  "Besides you and Coal, are there more?"
      "Yeah ...."  Mace mumbles quietly as he exchanges a nervous glance with Shale.  "There have been quite a few foster kids over the years."     
    

     "Well isn't that just great!!  He takes in all sorts of strays and plays happy families with them, while he leaves his own son ... me ... totally alone and out in the cold!!  Way to feel unloved!!"  I snap  "And you wander why I hate the man!!" 
    "Please Gran, you really need to hear Dad out to understand!!  What he has to tell you, will make you feel a whole lot better about everything, I promise!!"
    "I don't think so Mace, how can he ever justify it?! ... after what you have just told me, now all I can see is he dumps me and takes in a load of other kids.  This has just made it a whole lot worse for me!!"
    "Granite, this is why you need to sit down and let Dad explain it all, once and for all!!   After that it is entirely up to you what you do with it and if you let him back into your life or not."  Shale mumbles  "We are all having to walk on egg shells, we have to be careful about what we are telling you, in case we upset you, just like this has.  We are scared we might make the situation worse between the two of you, and that is the last thing we want!!  We are hoping that you two can work out your differences, and this whole mess can now finally be resolved!!"
     "That is easy for you to say Shale, you have obviously had a Dad, unlike me!!   You are not the one who has been hurt, dumped and lied too for most of your entire life!!"
     "Please baby!!"  Mace says in his sickly voice  "You will have to face him soon anyway whether you want to or not.  I doubt we will be able to keep him away from you for very long, he is breaking his neck to get in here to speak to you!!"

     "He can break his neck all he likes!!  I don't want to see him and I don't want him in here!!"
     "Baby please!!  If I am going to get bail, it will be because of El and Dad.  Dad will have to become my chaperone, and be everywhere that I am ... If you refuse to see or have anything to do with him, if you don't at least try to work through your differences so that you can be civil with each other - how can we be together??"  he starts to get upset.

 I can already see the tears welling up in his eyes, it takes him seconds to start crying.  My automatic reaction is to go to him.  I try to get off my bed, even though I am still feeling a little weak and unsteady.  Shale helps me to get off the bed and stand. 

     "Baby please don't cry!!"  I mumble as I reach his bed.
     "For once in your life, stop being stubborn and pig headed!!"  he mumbles through his tears.  "It will not hurt you to hear him out and if you will not do it for yourself ... do it for me.  Please, because if you don't, we can not be together!!   Forrest will get what he wants, us split up, and if that happens they may as well just bang me straight up now, because my life will be over either way!!"

I stand there thinking for a moment while we stare at each other.  I know he is right, as much as I don't want to, I have to at least hear what my Dad has to say and try at least to keep the peace.  If I don't I will be playing right into Gravel's hands, by being the person he has been telling them that I am.  I don't want to be the one rocking the boat and alienating my 'new' family before I have even got to know them.  

 The time that me and Mace have left before his trial and imprisonment, is going to be hard enough for the both of us without me making it any worse.  I hold Mace's hand as I sit down on the bed and try to wipe the tears off his face.  I start to feel the exact same feelings as I did during the police operation ... that our days are numbered again.  I get that horrible niggling feeling again, just thinking about being separated from him.

 

      "Okay!!  Okay!!  I will do it for you!!"  I smile at him.  "I will hear him out and try to be at least civil ... but don't blame me if it doesn't make a difference to the way I feel about him and what he has done!!" 
     




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 







 

Rock 30

The writings on the wall ...



I am too distracted to pay any attention to the quiet conversation that is going on around my bed.  Forrest and Turmeric are nattering away to each other, and Slate is occupied with Jasmine, who is sat on the floor playing and they are giggling and nattering away to themselves.  All their voices have faded to a quiet hum and become just a faint background noise behind my loud thoughts.    

My mind has zoned out and I have become oblivious of every thing around me, except for Mace.  I find myself staring intensely at Mace, who is sat in his wheelchair staring back at me, almost like he is in a trance.  He is dressed in his usual preferred way, only wearing his favourite shorts, that I have seen him wearing a thousand times before.  As usual he is not really leaving much of his body to the imagination.  This makes me chuckle to myself, thinking about how quickly and how often I have been removing those shorts of late, especially when we were at home.  

Seeing that he has my attention, he flashes me one of his sweet smiles and I watch as his eyes and face light up.  He doesn't have to tell me that he loves me, I can see it, in his eyes and by the way he is looking at me, it is written all over his face.  

A strange sensation washes over me, my stomach flips and I can't help but smile back at him.

I have wandered, if he would suddenly change once the truth about him being Mace Brownie came out.  I knew once everything was out in the open that I would finally find out if his feeling for me were true or an act like the rest of our time together under his false identity.  His smile and eyes tell me everything I need to know.  He does love me, that was definitely no act.  I think I already knew deep down that his feelings were real, but I needed to know for sure.  The thought of Mace loving me being a part of his act has really scared me ... and I am not really sure why.

These last few months of our relationship, have been really good, especially our sex life.   Things have really changed between us since I have taken down my walls and let him in.  I had started to take our relationship seriously, I was letting go of Forrest and I even saw a good future in me and Mace.   Together we really have been working at it, to make it right, and we were succeeding, until shit happened!!  Even with everything going on around us, the drastic change in us has totally flipped my world upside down.  I think I actually need him as much as he needs me, because I now have feelings that I can not switch off.  I get this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach suddenly, and inside I can feel myself panicking ... I am terrified suddenly by the thought of having to let Mace go, and what we have, I can not bare to even imagine my life without him in it.  Just him going to prison is going to be a huge wrench that I really am not looking forward to. 
 

I forget myself, and am not even thinking about everyone else in the room when I hold my hand out to him.  Mace wheels his chair forward towards me and takes my hand, as he continues to smile at me.  He intertwines his fingers with mine and holds my hand tightly.  He starts to smirk at me while he rubs his thumb backward and forwards lightly across the palm of my hand.  He knows that always tickles me because my palm is very sensitive, which makes me giggle a little.  Mace starts laughing as he takes my hand up to his mouth and starts kissing my fingers ... and I let him, and even smile at him while he is doing it. 

Mace moves my hand away from his mouth and frowns at my fingers, which he is now inspecting.  I laugh because I know exactly what is coming.  He gets irritated by long finger nails, especially mine.  He is always attacking my nails with clippers, nail files or his teeth.  I try to pull my hand away but he holds onto it too tightly.

     "I know that look Woods!  Don't even think about chewing my finger nails!!"  he laughs at me as he puts my hand down on the bed, while he keeps a hold of it and mouths the word Brownie quietly.  "Oh heck, I'm sorry, I have to get used to calling you Brownie now not Woods!!"  he rolls his eyes at me  "Have you spoken to Marigold?  Does she know what has happened?"
     "Yeah, I have told Mari, she has been phoning me everyday to see how we are.  She has been really worried about you."  he smiles at me  "I sorted out her wages, for last month and this - we weren't sure how long you were going to be out for."  this confuses me for a moment, it is not the end of the month yet - is it?
     "What is the date today Mace?"  he tells me it is the 6th.  This has me panicking, as I try to sit up, remembering I have been away with the fairy's for weeks.  "Hell ... the mortgage ... there is no money in the bill account."
     "Don't panic, I have sorted it."  he smiles at me.  "I transferred enough to cover it and this months payment.  I have had to do a few things while you have been out of it ... I've phoned your department at the hospital and told them what has happened, they are keeping in contact with Mango about your progress.  I have had to pay the phone bills, credit cards, the gas and electric bills have landed and the house insurance needed renewing ... it has gone up a little since last year, but not too much.  I know you like to shop around for the best quotes, but with you being out of it, and me being in here, it was awkward, so I just renewed with the current insurers.  Sorry, I had to get Mari to open the post."
     "It's fine!!  It's a good job you used your brains, other wise we would have been in the shit!"  I laugh at him with relief.  "Which account did you transfer the money from?"
     "My account, it was less hassle.  I haven't spent anything since we came to Sugar Valley and with this months money, there was just enough to cover everything except for your credit card, so I paid it off on your debit card.  I wasn't too sure what to do about that, pay it off or just make the minimum payment."  he looks at me sheepishly  "Your salary has gone in, so there was more than enough to cover it.  I know what you are like about interest and things hanging so I paid it off ... did I do the right thing?"  he asks nervously.
     "Yeah you did the right thing."  I smile at him as I run my hand slowly down the side of his face.  "What about your card?"
     "There was nothing on my credit card."  he grins at me
     "I think I am going to pass out ... that makes a change!!"  we both laugh for a moment.  "Maybe the bang on your head has cured your money spending addiction!"

   
     "Well I did promise I would cut it down, and I can't really do a lot of shopping being stuck in this place can I!!"  he laughs at me  "I need to remind you, just in case it has slipped your mind, our cars are both due to be taxed at the end of this month, Mari is looking out for the letters ... "  he pulls a face and he is about to say something but I cut him off, my mind has gone into panic mode again, with him mentioning our cars.
     "Shit ... my car ... it is still at the airport.  Fudge I only paid for a few weeks ... I thought ..."  I stop talking. I can not tell him what I had thought, planned even ... to go back home after he had been arrested to sort my shit out, but things changed.    "Oh fudge,  I bet they have towed it away by now!"   I start to panic and he laughs as he shakes his head.
     "No, your car is back at home, safely parked up on the drive next to mine.  I spotted the parking ticket when I went into your wallet for your debit card.  Compass went and picked it up for us, I gave him the keys and ticket and he sorted it out."
     "How did you give Compass the ticket and keys?"  I frown at him
     "You know what Atlas's mother is like - she panicked when she heard you and Atlas had been shot and she had Compass fly out here.  He came in to see you when you was on life support, it upset him a bit."  he smiles at me  "He had to go back last week, because of work ... the tit only text me a picture of your car back on the drive, and he parked it the wrong way round just to aggravate me"  he laughs at me for a moment then his face twists up and I can see he is starting to get upset, his eyes start to well up.  He blinks and a tear starts to roll down his face slowly.
     "Hey, baby please don't cry or you'll start me off."  I say as I rub his arm.
     "I am never going home am I!"  he starts to choke  "I just want to go home when all this is over."
     "Mace stop upsetting yourself please."  I say as I try to wipe the tears off his face  "We will worry about that later, we don't know what is going to happen yet ..."
     "Oh they do, they have my whole life already mapped out for me, and it doesn't involve home, Cherry Hill or you.  After I come out of prison, they want to keep me in Orange Falls permanently and away from you." 
     "Rubbish ... I told you I am going to look after you and I will, so stop stressing!!"
     "Gran, I love you, I can't do this without you, I need you!!"
     "I know you do, and I love you too."
    
The room suddenly plunges into a horrible deadly silence, the sudden drop in volume actually hurt my ears.  I hear Forrest choke which snaps me out of the daze that I have been in ... I can now feel and see all eyes are on me.  I don't know how long they have been sat listening to our conversation.  I had totally forgotten myself, and especially that Forrest is sat right by me listening and watching. 

My hand snatches out from Maces quite abruptly as Slate pulls Mace's chair backwards and away from me, and parks him right next to Turmeric.  Slate rolls his eyes at me then sniggers.  I turn sheepishly to look at Forrest, who is now sat intensely glaring at me, his eyes are cold and angry.  Turmeric is also sitting there looking at me in disbelief, briefly before he turns to Mace who is now really starting to get upset.

I turn away from Forrest, staring up at the ceiling briefly before I close my eyes, trying to shut out Forrest's all too familiar look of disapproval.  Way to go Granite!!  Tell Mace you love him in front of Forrest.  Why the hell did I just say that to Mace so freely and without even thinking about it?

I lie there quietly riding out the silence, wandering if Forrest is going to explode or not.  I am hoping he won't while the room is full of people, I expect he will wait until the room is empty and we are alone before he lays into me.  Slate breaks the silence by asking Forrest when my Dad and Mace are being discharged from the hospital, and I hear Turmeric trying to comfort Mace who is now really crying.  I hate it when Mace cries, especially when I know it is because of me that he is crying, I want to get off the bed and go to him, but I know if I do Forrest probably will definitely blow up.  I have to lie there just listening to him and it is killing me!!

I think I only just realize for the first time, the awkward position that I am now in.  Horribly sandwiched between Forrest and Mace, and sooner rather than later I will have to choose between them.  At one time, before I took down my walls and let Mace in, it would have been quite easy, for me to walk away from Mace without a second thought and go straight back to Forrest.  However, it really is not that simple anymore, not that it ever has been really, feelings aside, when I think about it logically, our lives are too intertwined for an instant separation.

 
I try to take my mind off Mace crying and the predicament that I now find myself in, stuck between the two of them.  I start to think about my Dad and chew everything over in my head that Turmeric has finally enlightened me on.    I am really struggling to take in the fact that my Dad is in the next room, very much alive and not faded like I have thought he is. I do not think that I will fully take it in until I have seen him with my own two eyes.

I can now see a lot of things that were staring me in the face, especially concerning my Father.  I should have picked up on the signs.  When I stood in front of Gravel, his gun pointed inches away from my body, the man trying to stop him from shooting me, was irritating me because he kept saying IDIOT!!  I thought then about my Father, that was his favourite insult, but I knew it could not have been my father, because he was faded.  I should have turned around and looked at the man who kept calling Gravel an Idiot!!   I don't know why I did not recognize his voice then, maybe I was too focused on the gun that Gravel kept gabbing into my stomach.

When I was waking up from the induced coma, I heard his voice and recognized it, he kissed my cheek and he called me Granny, but I thought that I was faded because he was faded.  I laugh at myself, and what my mind had made me believe, that I had faded and was waking up in hell where I have always thought he would be.  Instead he has been walking this earth for the past 34 years and nobody has even bothered to tell me until now!! 

I must have fallen asleep for a short time, because I find myself being woken up quite abruptly by a little girls excited scream and Slate laughing quite loudly.   I lie there with my eyes closed, listening to Mace and Forrest bickering, while Turmeric tries to stop them.   It sounds like Forrest has got his claws out, he keeps telling Mace to go back to his room because he doesn't want him in here hanging around me.  Mace is giving it back as good as he is getting, and I am worried that it is going to turn into a more serious fight.    

When I open my eyes and turn my head in the direction of my Neice and Son, who are laughing quite loudly again, the bickering going on between Forrest and Mace stops abruptly.  I don't react to it and pretend that I have not heard it.  I lie quietly watching Jasmine who is sitting on the empty bed, with Slate and a colouring book and a huge pack of coloured pencils.   She starts singing her head off, while she is colouring, like she does not have a care in the world.  I wander just how much of what is going on with 'this family' that she actually has been told and understands.  

I seriously still can not get my head around the fact that Mace's daughter is actually my Neice and that he was married to my sister.  Mace had me crossing a line that I would never have crossed knowingly.  Really I should be angry with Mace, but strangely I find I can not be mad with him.  If Gravel had not sent him to me, we never would have met or been together.

      "Baby ... are you okay?"  Mace asks me.  He must be wandering why I am intensely frowning at his daughter.   I notice he has now stopped crying, but he has really dark circles around his eyes and looks downright miserable, like he could burst into tears again at any moment.
      "Yeah .. I am fine."  I smile at him
      "Do you need anything?  Are you hungry or thirsty?"
      "No Mace, I'm fine thanks."  I smile at him  "Not unless you have any pain killers in your handbag."
      "No baby, I'm sorry, my handbag is at home in the wardrobe." 
      "See ... I just knew you had high heels and handbags stashed somewhere!!"  we both start laughing at each other.

I see Forrest cutting Mace a really nasty look, probably because he just called me baby, and us talking to each other has started up again.  Mace cuts him a look back.  Forrest stands up and checks my notes.  I watch quietly as he goes over to the medicine cabinet and starts to mess around.  He comes over to me flicking a syringe, I presume I am now able to have my next lot of painkillers.  Without a word he jabs me painfully in the arm, like he is trying to hurt me on purpose ... probably my punishment for telling Mace I love him and talking to him again.  In the past, Forrest has been pathetically spiteful like that.  

     "Jasmine isn't irritating you is she?"  Mace starts to laugh as I look over in Jasmines direction again because she has just let out an almighty scream and is now laughing like mad.  "She is a noisy little drama queen!"
     "Like I am not already used to noisy drama queens!"  we both laugh  "No she is fine!!  You know I don't mind children, and I'd be screaming if Slate was tickling me like that!!"  we both laugh as we turn to watch Slate and Jasmine, who seem to be getting on really well.  I can not help but notice that she is a total spit of Mace.   "Mace, she is a mini female you!  Does she have any of her mother in her?"
     "No ... she is all me, we can't really see any of Tami in her at all."
     "Do you have a picture of Tamarin?"  I ask as I look between Turmeric and Mace.
     "Dad has got some pictures next door that he wants to show you."  Mace smiles at me.  I am amused by Mace calling him Dad.  
     "What is going to happen to her when you get sent down Mace?"  I notice Forrest and Mace exchange an unpleasant look and Turmeric starts to giggle a little.  "More to the point ... what is happening with you Mace?  What are the police planning to do with you until your trial?  I start to panic a little.  "Oh berry they are not locking you up when you are discharged are they?" 

      "Gran, it has all been sorted out in theory."  Forrest smiles at Slate for a moment  "Can you take Jasmine next door for a while, to see your Granddad, we need to talk to your Dad about a few things."  he then turns to glare at Mace.  "You may as well go with them Mace!"  he snaps at Mace who sits shaking his head and laughing sarcastically.
      "No way!! I am staying here!!  It is my life that you are trying to tear to pieces, you are the one who needs to but out of it and go next door, not me!!"  Mace snaps at Forrest.

Mace stares at me then, there is an awkward silence in the room again.  I can't help but wander just what has been going on between Forrest and Mace while I have been out of it.    Slate smiles at me sympathetically as he helps Jasmine to pack up her colouring book and pencils and they head off out of the room.  It amuses me that they walk out of the room holding hands.  I expect that Slate is loving all this new family that he has gained, a Grandfather, a new Father, Forrest, a whole bunch of Uncles, a Cousin and I do not even know what family Shale, Silt and Thyme have yet.  For me I don't think it has still really sunk in properly yet that I suddenly have gained four more brothers, and especially not that my old best mate Turmeric is one of them.

As soon as Slate and Jasmine are out of the room Forrest starts to talk to me.

     "Mace has not been formally charged yet, they will be arresting and charging him when he is discharged from the hospital.  Your Dad is a Chief Constable, and so high up in the force that they are happy to leave Mace in his care, one of the reasons why your Dad has stayed in the hospital, when he could have been discharged a week ago."  my eyes widen, then I remember Forrest has already told me that the Chief Constable of the North East has Mace's back, so everything falls into place.  "Elderberry has talked Mace through everything, he knows what is coming to him.  The murder of his cousin, which they are reducing to Man Slaughter due to it being self defense.  Fraud for the illegal use of the fake identity and drug running for Gravel.  What time Mace actually gets will depend on Gravel and how fair he plays in court."  

I stare at Mace for a moment and he pulls a face at me, I know as well as he does Gravel does not know how to play fair, so Mace probably has no hope!

     "As soon as he is arrested he will be taken straight to court and your Dad and Elderberry are going to apply for bail.  They are both prepared to put their necks on the line for him, they are hoping that your Dad's position in the force should be enough to sway the court."  he smiles at me for a moment  "Me and Mace have been doing some talking while you have been out of it, and we have come to an understanding ... haven't we Mace."  I look between the two of them and while Forrest is smiling, Mace is scowling. 

     "And the understanding is?"  I frown at Forrest 
     "Well obviously, we are married so you are coming back home to me.  You and Mace are over and finished!!  He knows he has got to forget about you, move on and clear out of your life completely!!"

Mace sits there shaking his head while he pulls faces ... I know he would never agree with that, and he will not go down quietly or without a fight!!  I lie there looking between them, Forrest looks smug, Mace like he is about to start crying again.  Knowing Forrest of old, I can quite imagine, that Forrest has told Mace what is happening without even discussing it with him!!    

I am very miffed by Forrest saying what he did, so cold and blatantly, especially in front of Mace, who I can see is now starting to get upset again.  Forrest is here already, trying to control me and my life, making my choices and decisions for me, when we have not even discussed anyone's future, not mine, his or Mace's.  I don't have a chance to react to what he has said because he carry's on talking again.

     "So, if Mace gets bail ... Mace and your Dad will be going to live at Turmeric's place until the trial."  I think straight away that Forrest is planning to separate me and Mace.
     "You are having a laugh right ... have you seen how small T's place is!!"
     "How would you even know where T lives?"  Forrest frowns at me.
     "T phoned me, just before Gravel lost the plot.  He asked me to go round to see him.  He lives in one of those pokey bedsit flats on sixth street.  If you remember, I used to have a friend who lived in one of those pokey holes!!"  I start to laugh  "Where are you planning to put Mace exactly ... on the balcony, because you can't swing a cat in that place let alone a wheelchair, so how the hell do you plan on four people living there and what is happening with Slate?"
      "It will be just your Dad and Mace who will be living at T's place.  T and Jasmine will be living at Bays and Slate is moving into ours with Bay."
      "Like hell is that happening!!  I don't mind Slate and Bay living with me, but there is absolutely no way, that you are putting Mace in T's shoe box!!"  I snap at him  "Shale Rock has to be a decrepit old man by now, how is he getting himself and Mace up and down three flights of stairs ... you do realize flat 3 is on the top floor and there is no lift."  I snap sarcastically  "Wait ... is that a way to stop Mace escaping off into the sunset in that wheelchair of his, sticking him in a top floor flat with stairs he can not get up and down!  Do you plan to keep him like a princess locked up in a tower, away from me?  I'll tell you what, buy him a four poster bed while you are at it, he has always wanted a princess bed.  You can tie him to the bed posts, then he definitely isn't escaping is he!!"  I snap sarcastically.  Only Mace laughs
      "Oh you don't change do you Gran!"  Forrest laughs  "You are still the joker I see!!"

      "No I don't change, and neither do you it seems!!"  I snap at Forrest.  "You don't have to think, talk or make all my choices and decisions for me anymore!!  I am perfectly capable of doing it for myself!!  Mace is my boyfriend and my responsibility so I will decide what happens to him and where we live - not you!!"  I snap as he pulls a face at me.  "Don't think I don't see what you are already doing ... being spiteful and trying to split us up and keep me and Mace apart!!"  I am starting to get angry  "You would even go as far as separating him from his daughter, who he hasn't seen, not by choice, for five years!!  Don't you think they have been apart for long enough because of Gravel!!  Now you are trying to do the same thing to him!!"  I tut then turn to look at Mace.  "Did you agree to all this Mace?"
      "No!!  Like I said they, and especially Forrest, has my life all mapped out for me and I don't get a say in it!  Not even where my own daughter is concern ... HE has taken over!!"  he snaps angrily and Forrest cuts his eyes at him.
      "Well you can stick it Leafy!!  I have never heard anything so ridiculous in my life, sticking Mace in a pokey flat, just to keep us apart, when you have a four bed roomed house where there is plenty of space for Mace and Jasmine.  I notice you have decided that is where I will be living, so that is where Mace will be.   T can stay where he is, Mace and Jasmine will be living where I am living."
      "Do you seriously think me, you and Mace living under the same roof is going to work?  It is not happening!!"  he snaps  "You are not going to like the fact either, that your Dad has to be where Mace is, so that means he would have to live with us too!!" 
      "It is going to have to work!!  If I have to put up with Dad then I am sure you can put up with Mace." 
      "It is ridiculous!!  The quicker they lock him up and throw away the key, the better!!  Hopefully he won't get bale then there is no need for this discussion."  he laughs sarcastically   "You two are over anyway, so why would you even want him living with us?" 

I just stare at him he is now making me really angry.  How can he be so insensitive, especially with Mace sitting in the room?!  For twenty years I have been my own person and controlled my own life.  I have been back for five minutes and he is already trying to take over my life and mind, making my decisions for me.  What gives him the right to split me and Mace up and put us back together, without even discussing it with me first.
 

 
     "Who said me and Mace are over?  You made that decision not me!!"  I snap at him.  "This is seriously not the right time to be breaking up our relationship, especially when there is actually nothing wrong with it ... and don't you think that when and if it ever happens, it is mine and Mace's decision to make."
     "There shouldn't be a decision to make for you ... we are married remember!!"
     "Like that really means jack shit!!  We haven't been in our marriage or any kind of relationship for over twenty years, us still being married is a joke.  You thinking we can just pick it back up from where we left it is an even bigger joke!!   You can't keep throwing our marriage at me because you may as well tear up that marriage certificate because it isn't worth the paper it is written on!!"
     "Ohhh, Granite is back!!  I see you have your awkward and argumentative nit picking head on!!"  he laughs sarcastically  "Maybe we should talk about this when you are in a better mood!!"
     "There is nothing wrong with my mood ... well there wasn't until you started riling me up!!"  I snap at him.
     "How have I riled you?"
     "You - deciding me and Mace are over, without even asking me.  Well we are not over!!"  he frowns at me  "You do see what has happened to him right, that wheelchair is not for show, you have listened to everything he has been through because of that so called brother of mine, as well as having a prison sentence to face, that he does not really deserve!!  The type of person that Mace is, he is really going to struggle to just cope and come to terms with losing the use of his legs, without even thinking about all the other shit that he has coming to him!!  He is very active, he spends half of his life jogging, working out and dancing, besides being a raving nymphomaniac ... being paralyzed from the waist down now is going to totally crush his world!!  He is going to need all the emotional support he can get, and me dumping him on top of everything is the last thing that he needs and I am not that cruel!!  He loves me, I am the one he needs most right now and I am not turning my back on him like the heartless monster that you are expecting me to be!!  I am going to look after him for as long as he needs me, and I'm sorry if you don't like that, but it is something that I have to do!!"  

Forrest laughs sarcastically and he has this 'I couldn't give a shit' expression on his face, like he is not interested in what I am saying, which riles me just a little bit more.  So I decide to stick him with something that I was going to keep to myself to spare his feelings, but if he doesn't give a toss, then why should I. 

 
     "And if I have to be honest, I need him just as much as he needs me!!  Twenty years is a long time for us to be separated, I think we have both changed and you obviously don't know me anymore, not like he does.  Mace has been my rock and kept me grounded and away from my demons for the last five years, he is my best friend and the person that I am closest too, so I need him right now!!  All the stuff I have had done to me, everything that I have been through, all this new family and Dad ... I have enough of my own shit to deal with, without removing Mace and adding our relationship break up to the list.   Mace is staying with me, whether you like it or not!!"  I snap at him because of the faces that he is pulling  "I still can't believe you was planning to split Mace and Jasmine up, just because it suited you better!!  He needs to spend time with his daughter before he goes to prison, besides I want to get to know my Neice, while I have the chance, seeing as she is the only thing that I have left of my sister."
     "You will have plenty of time to get to know Jasmine, if he gets his way.  Mace wants her to live with you while he is inside."  Forrest says a little narkily.  I smile at Mace who smiles back at me.   "Don't think I am happy about it because I am not ... Mace wants Jasmine to stay with you, probably because he can see a way to keep his claws stuck into you ..."  Suddenly Forrest has turned into a prize selfish bitch, and I don't like it!!
     "Grow up Forrest, and you say I am childish!!"  Mace snaps at him, jumping in before I get the chance.  "Don't think I want her anywhere near you either, when you obviously don't like her just because she is my daughter, she is just an innocent child, what has she ever done to you .. nothing!!"  Mace looks at me and points at Forrest angrily  "HE has told me he would much rather I handed her over to social services and put her into care, rather than you have her Gran!"  he snaps at me before he turns back to Forrest.  I am pretty shocked by that!  "Dad will rip your damn head off if he ever finds out you have even suggested putting Jasmine into care!!"  he almost rares at Forrest  "Jasmine staying with Gran is the most practical thing to do with her.  I have no other family left now besides the Rock side.  Dad is too old to be taking on a child at his age, Silt, Shale and Thyme have large families of their own, they don't need to be burdened with another child.  T has no intention or inclination of taking on a child, he wouldn't even look after his own kid so I'll be damned if I trust him with mine!!"
  

    
     "Seriously T?!"  I stare at Turmeric wide eyed  "YOU have a child?!"
     "Yeah."  he mumbles quietly  "It's a long story, I'll tell you later."
     "Granite is the only one that can take Jasmine."  Mace snaps at Forrest  "He is one of only a few people that I can trust to take care of her and I thought he wouldn't mind looking after my daughter, who is his Niece, seeing as he has always wanted children and we were talking about adopting a couple of kids when we returned home after the kidney transplant anyway."
     "You what!?"  Forrest snaps as he glares at Mace then me.
     "Gran, I really don't want Jasmine to go into care, she should be with her family!!"  Mace mumbles quietly ignoring Forrest  "If Gravel plays fair and I just get a few years,  I want you to foster her until I come out, but, I could be looking at between 15 and 20 years if it all goes wrong."  he looks down for a moment and I can tell he is getting upset.  This makes me choke, the thought of Mace being locked up for that long is unbearable.  "If that does happen, I want you to adopt her.  She will be an adult before I get out and I want her to be settled, she has had enough upheaval in her life already."  he starts to get upset
     "Okay, I can do that, don't worry, I will look after her for you."  I smile at Mace.   "I would never let her go into care!" 
     "Like I said ... anyway to keep a hold on you!"  Forrest snaps 
     "Shut up Leafy, do you know how pathetic you sound!!"
     "You looking after a child - this is going to be very interesting to watch!!  You can't even look after yourself properly!!"  he laughs sarcastically
     "Just proving the point again, that you really do not know me anymore!!  What the hell do you think I have been doing for the past twenty years ... and I've done a damn better job of it without you constantly on my back, that's for sure!!"  I am now almost shouting because Forrest is making me really angry.
      "Wow!!  Guys!!"  Turmeric buts in
      "Mace you can forget their stupid plans, until you get sent down, you and Jasmine will be living with me."
     "No, I am not having this ..."  Forrest snaps suddenly  "I am not having HIM living in our house with us!!"
     "Fine ... your choice!  And here was me thinking Mace would be the childish one causing all the trouble, but it's you!!"  I laugh sarcastically.  "You obviously haven't listened to a damn thing that I have said, as usual!!  If that is how you want it, if Mace can not stay there then neither can I.  Not that I have actually said I was going to stay at your house!!  I am not leaving Mace when he needs me, so I will have to find somewhere else for us to live.  Mango and Bay have both said me and Mace can crash at theirs.   I will accept Mango's hospitality until I can find a house in town that we can rent."

    

     "What the hell is going on here Granite?!"  Forrest snaps 
     "You and your suffocating controlling that's what is going on!!  Taking total control of the situation, to get what you want, without even asking me what I want or need!!  You have decided that me and Mace are over and that I am coming back to you and that is all you see ... sod everything and everybody else!!   You have a steam roller smashing up mine and Mace's life already and we haven't even discussed it properly!!  You have just presumed I am coming back to you ... What about if I don't want to come back to you?"
     "You do ... I know you do!!  You said so when you woke up."
     "Yeah, you hit me with it when I was spaced out and coming out of a coma and not capable of thinking straight!!  Don't you be so sure you know how I think anymore ... I am far from the pathetic needy person that you married!!  I have changed, I grew up and have learned to stand on my own two feet.  I can look after myself as well as make my own choices and decisions.  I don't need you to carry me anymore and I definitely won't let you totally control and dictate my life like you used to!!  I am done jumping through your hoops!!"  I snap at him  "This might be all cut and dried and easy for you, but it sure as hell is not easy for me.  You are expecting me to slam the door shut on my current life and walk straight back into my old life like it is that easy!!"  I snap at him  "You seem to forget, me and you have been apart for twenty years and while you have sat in the same place wallowing, I haven't.  I have moved on with my life, especially the last five years when I have been with Mace.  We have been in a relationship, and even though it has been dysfunctional at times, we still have built a home and life together in Cherry Hill.  We share a house, a bed, friends, holidays, we even have joint bank accounts and matching cars!  We share everything and had a future together ahead of us, before this shit happened.   I have a career, a home and life in Cherry Hill which I was actually quite happy with, and even though I have never admitted it before now, this past five years is the most settled and content that I have ever been in my life and Mace is a big part of that whether you like it or not!!   I can't just switch it all off instantly, I can't just drop it all and walk away from it like it doesn't exist and it doesn't mean anything!!"

     "That is all crap!!  He is all fake and your life together has all been crap and fake.  Atlas and T have told me about the relationship you two have ... even your sex life is a joke."
     "And our sex life wasn't!!"  I snap at him and I hear Mace sniggering because he knows what I am getting at.  "Atlas and T know nothing, not any more!!  They might have seen our relationship in the past when we were rocky, which was all my fault because I was pathetically still holding onto you, but they haven't been around while I have been letting you go and me and Mace have been getting our act together.  They know nothing about our relationship anymore, which has drastically changed for the better in their absence.  I had no intention of ever coming back to this town, you or my old life, the only reason I am back here now is because of Slate needing my kidney."  I snap at him  "So what if Mace was using a fake name, but there is nothing fake about Mace's feelings, or mine for that matter, and our sex life now is better than good as it happens!!"
     "Not anymore it won't be!  He is paralyzed and incapable now remember."  Forrest laughs sarcastically.
     "What the hell is wrong with you?!  Did you SERIOUSLY just say that and laugh??!!"  I stare at Forrest wide eyed and in shock.  "Screw you Leafy!!  Since when did you become such a cold and twisted heartless bitch?"  I snap at him
      "Is it any wander after everything you have done to me!!"  he snaps  "And now you are putting that sniveling drama queen's feelings before mine!"
      "That is cheap and you know it!!"  I snap at him  "Just get lost Forrest and but out of my life, and don't come back until you can behave like a grown up!!   Technically I am still with Mace, he is my boyfriend!!  I left you twenty years ago, and that is exactly how it is staying, until I say otherwise!!"

Forrest just stares at me in disbelief before he storms angrily out of the room.  I glance at Mace and he is sat there with the same look of disbelief written on his face.  He is pinching his own arm, which always makes me laugh.  He always pinches himself to make sure he is awake and not dreaming.

     "What the hell Gran?  Did that seriously just happen?"  Turmeric frowns at me  "Have you and Mace really got your act together?"
     "Yeah  ... these days me and Mace are good!!"  I laugh at the expression on his face 

  
    "Me and Atlas have really been worrying about Mace, especially now he is paralyzed.  We expected you to just dump him like a tonne of bricks and destroy him, once you found out, Forrest still loves you and has been waiting for you to return."  he laughs  
    "You don't need to worry about Mace, me dumping him is not happening!!"
    "You putting Mace before Forrest ... I never saw that coming!!"
    "No ... neither did I!"  Mace mumbles
    

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Song = Writing's On The Wall ~ Sam Smith
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PS. Clay Brownie Rock

This one is a cutie.

Clay is Gravel and Tarragon's little boy.

Clay is both Granite and Mace's nephew
With both of his parents in prison, he has been adopted by Granite.

Let's hope he does not turn out like his Dad!!