Rock 19

Traitor  ...


I had been at Mango's house talking to Lilly and both of Mango's parents for about three hour.  It is my first time of meeting Lilly, Mango's wife, but I know both of his parent's really well.  They knew me of old and are both very pleased and a little surprised at how I've turned out, especially my career in medicine.  Although they are a little cross with me for what I've put Forrest through all these years.

Coral didn't hang around for very long thankfully, she took off somewhere with her little sister Cotton.  I was surprised and amused that Mango has a toddler, I thought all of his children would have been a lot older.  

I received a call from Mango's phone because Cinnamon wanted me to go to the hospital urgently.  At first I thought it might be the paternity test results but it wasn't.  He had a conversation between Mace and Gravel that he wanted me to listen to.  He had also called Mango in to listen.

"You need to sit down Granite, you too Mango."  Cinnamon says with a strange look on his face when we both stand by the desk wandering why he has called us here so urgently.  "It seems I owe you an apology Granite!"  he says to me sheepishly "It appears that you seem to be right about Mace after all!"

"Right about what?"  I ask because I'm really confused.

"El has kind of been saying the same sort of things that you have about him.  She has been saying that there is something not quite right with Mace.  She has been very taken aback by the person we have on paper to the person she is seeing."  he looks at me awkwardly  "Something you said yesterday about his fingerprints had me looking through all his hits.   Other than hearsay and witness statements we do actually only have one hit that we can 100% pin on him because of prints and DNA.   The first one, his strangled cousin and ..."   he rolls his eyes  "The conversation between Gravel and Mace this morning has confirmed that."

"I don't understand, what are you trying to say?"

"I think it's best you just listen and we'll discuss it later."  he says quietly  "This is the conversation that went on between Gravel and Mace just after you and Coral left the house this morning."

Cinnamon is interrupted suddenly when there is a knock on the door.  It becomes pretty comical as the police officers in the corner of the room whip the curtain across to hide their presence in the room.  Cinnamon and Mango quickly swap seats after Cinnamon has stuffed all of the police files into a draw.  Mango shouts come in when the coast is clear.

I catch my breath as I watch the red guy walk into the room that I'd seen with Forrest out on the hospital car park.  I'm really glad that I know the truth about the situation now because if I still thought he was in a romantic relationship with Forrest I would probably have launched myself at him.  Not that I have much room to talk or react having Mace in my life, especially when he has no one and has never had anyone else!!

"What can I do for you Dr Blush?"  Mango asks as he takes the patient case folder that is being held out to him.  "I did say I didn't want to be disturbed this morning didn't I!!"

"I'm really sorry to disturb you Dr Muffin but we have a problem with Mr Flowers that Dr North says can't wait.  He doesn't think that his meds are working for him and we wandered what you would suggest, only with Forrest being away ...."  I notice the red doctor looking at me then he glances at the photograph on the wall then back to me again.

Mango takes the patients case notes off him and opens it quickly and starts to scan through them, while the red guy starts to irritate me a little by just standing there continuously smiling at me. I guess he has recognized me from the photograph and must know who I am.

"What would you suggest Dr Rock?"  Mango says to me as he hands me the notes.  I laugh to myself knowing that Mango is testing me.  I take the notes off him and start to read through them and spot where the problem is straight away.

"I would DRASTICALLY cut all the doses down and QUICKLY!!  He should only be on 10mg not 100 mg, whoever subscribed this is an idiot."  I glance at Mango and he smiles at me.  I glance up at the red guy.  "How can any of you out there NOT see that 100mg is a ridiculous dose for anyone and especially a patient who has just been through that procedure!!??"  

"Who authorized these meds?"  Mango asks and Dr Blush mumbles Dr Marsh  "Well I'll be having words with Dr Marsh"  he says angrily  "This is where I miss Forrest, he would have noticed that fuck up straight away!!"  he snaps.  

My head has now switched into doctor mode automatically and I forget where I am, I'm used to working with a load of idiots and this guy looks like another one as he stands there scratching his head not knowing what to do next unless he's told.

"What is the patient doing exactly?!  What is Dr North's concern?  I'm surprised the patient isn't hallucinating and crawling the walls!!"   I look at Mango awkwardly realizing what I'm doing when I hear him chuckling to himself, he waves me to carry on.

"Your call Dr Rock."  he smirks at me 

"He was hallucinating!"  the red guy is laughing like it is funny.  This riles me and I snap.

"I wouldn't be laughing if I was you Dr Blush!! You are lucky between you that you haven't faded the patient!!  What do you mean WAS?!"

"He's been very restless through the night and has complained this morning he's got a severe headache but he seems very lethargic now."  me and Mango both jump up out of our chairs at the same time.  Alarm bells start ringing in my head.

"Take me to the patient NOW!!"  I snap.

Suddenly everything becomes bedlam as me and Mango rush to the patients bed, I think we both already know what is happening to the patient.  I look at Mango and he tells me to carry on and deal with it which surprises me.  I assess the patient quickly while Mango stands back at a short distance with his arms folded and just watches me, almost with a look of amusement on his face.  

I kind of lose it a little, like I would in my own department, with the group of gormless looking doctors who are standing around watching me scratching their heads.  I'm wandering why they haven't spotted or worked out what is happening to the patient or spotted the stupid dose error, but now they seem more interested in who I am than what's happening to the patient.

I know straight away that the patient needs to go straight back into theatre.  The wrong high dosage of medication has aggravated the surgical procedure the patient has just been through and has caused a life threatening hemorrhage.  

I am very surprised when Mango tells me to scrub in and go into theatre with him.   I expected him to take the patient off and just leave me hanging around with Cinnamon until he returned.  Me going into theatre with him was the very last thing that I expected to be doing. 

I became pretty excited about going into theatre, not only have I been missing work this past month but I am also thinking that I am getting the chance to be observing the great man in our world at work.  The one time he came to Cherry Hill to carry out a very complicated and complex procedure that nobody else would even attempt, including me.   I had the chance to observe his session in theatre that day but I had to swerve it, scared he would spot and recognize me.   

I became very nervous when Mango threw me straight in at the deep end to my shock.   I find that I am the one carrying out the surgery while he is the one observing me.  Talk about being tested!!  It isn't the surgery that is making me nervous, I've carried out this procedure many times successfully.   It is Mango watching me at work that made me nervous.  

Thankfully for me and the patient everything was plain sailing and it wasn't long before the patient is recovering nicely back in his bed.  Mango amuses me as we make our way back to Forrest's office when he starts chuckling to himself quite loudly as we walk down the corridor.  He turns to me and says that he couldn't have handled the situation better himself and I've just cured his major headache.  When I frown at him he says he'll explain to me later.  

As we walk through the Neurology department he suddenly shouts all the doctors on the department together and I watch him switch into something else as he reads them all the riot act over the mess up with the patient.  He amuses me then, using me to whip them a little more saying how they have shown themselves up and especially embarrassed him in front of me.   He introduces me to them all then, but not as the guy married to Forrest, but as Dr Rock, Cherry Hills Head Neurosurgeon, which I am, but that's when I realize he's been poking through my work records and takes me seriously at least in a professional capacity. 

Minutes later we are both sat back down in Forrest's office with Cinnamon about to listen to the conversation that took place between Gravel and Mace this morning.

"I'm warning you both, it is not pretty and far from what we expected to hear."  Cinnamon pulls a face at us. "Neither of you are going to like what you are going to hear one little bit!!"

Me and Mango just sit and stare at each other for a moment in confusion.  I really don't like the sound of this!! Cinnamon turns on the tape when me and Mango are ready.

We all just sit and listen.


~~~~~~~~


I watch Granite and Coral through the kitchen window walk off down the path and get into Corals car.  Granite makes me laugh as he opens the door for Coral and holds it patiently open while she struggles to get her baby bump behind the steering wheel, then he closes the door and gets into the passenger seat.

I watch them laughing together as the car pulls off the driveway and really wished that I was going with them.  I would much rather spend the day with them than Gravel!!

I know Granite really does not like Coral at all.  So I don't quite understand why he would even suggested that we do this?  I've also told him enough times I really don't like Gravel, which isn't a lie!!  I've never been able to stand the bloke especially because of what he has done to me!

"Come away from the window!!  You be careful Macey boy, anyone would think you are missing him already!  Here catch ..."  Gravel laughs as he throws something at me  "... drink that, you may as well make the most of it while lover boy is away, it might stop you pining after him!"

"Shut up Berry Hole!!"  I snap at Gravel as I catch the can he's just launched at me.  I stand for a moment staring down at the can of alcohol in my hand.  "I can't drink this, he'll smell it on me and you shouldn't even have alcohol in the house while he's here!!"  I snap at him angrily, he seriously has no consideration for anyone other than himself!!

"WUSS!!  I swear he's turned you even softer then you already were!!  Where has bad man Brownie gone?"  he laughs sarcastically then throws a packet of mints at me  "It's the only one you are having mind!  Make sure you neck all those mints before he gets back, we don't want you snogging him stinking of booze and setting him off  - remember we are saving that for AFTER the transplant!!  I want him back in that gutter where he belongs!!"

"Excuse me ... bad man Brownie is just that myth that you have created to pin your shit on and you know it, so STOP rubbing it in my face Berry Hole!!   AND you can back off!!  I am NOT doing any of that shit you want me to do to him!!  I'm sick of telling you, the only thing I will do for you is keep Gran away from here!!"  I snap at him nastily  "If you remember, you agreed, it's up to me what I do with Granite, and you butting out of our life and leaving us alone would be a very good start!  You owe me that much at least!!"  I snap at him and slam the can on the kitchen table  "And I'm not drinking this alcohol either!!  See Gravel this is where you keep fucking up - you want him to stay sober for the transplant yet you bring alcohol into the house - you take too many unnecessary risks!!"  I laugh at him  "We wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for you getting your leg over your sons Mrs like a dirty dog and getting caught!!  You are an even worse crook than you are a copper, brother or Dad!!"

"SHUT IT ... boy, you are pushing it!!  I owe you nothing!!  You would have been behind bars years ago if it hadn't been for me and don't you forget it!!"  he snaps at me angrily.  "You owe me big time for your new life and don't you forget that either - the new identity, my brother and the cushy life hes giving you with the safe roof over your head where you can lay low forever if you behave!"  he points at me  "It only takes one phone call and your life is over ..."

"BERRY HOLE!!  The only reason they are after me at all is because of all the stuff you have done and pinned on my back, so don't act like you are doing me any favours now when you created the shit in the first place!!   My life was over the day you decided to start playing with it!!"  I scowl at him  "you make that phone call and you know I'm taking you with me!!"

"They won't believe a word you say anyway, I've tampered with plenty of paperwork and paid too many people to point the finger in your direction, and you know what I do to people who try to talk or upset me, don't you Mace!!"  he laughs at me  "I have got you wrapped up so tight they are going to throw the book at you and how are you going to feel when you are spending the rest of your life rotting in prison for twenty plus hits that you didn't even do!!"  he starts laughing hysterically  "So I wouldn't try to piss me off if I was you, keep pushing me Mace and I'll be making that call, hell I don't even have to make a call, remember I can take you in myself!!"  he waves a pair of handcuffs at me as he sits there continuously laughing.  "You know every copper in the force is biting their arm off to be the one to haul you in, but you are mine and one day you'll be more brownie points for me to cash in - get it BROWNIE points!!"  he starts laughing hysterically again.
 

"GO TO HELL!!"

"No that is where you will be going Mace!!   Just think of all the years you are looking at - the whole of your entire life inside and away from lover boy!  Not that I expect you'll last too long in there, they'll eat you alive once they clock onto how much of a wuss you really are!!"  he continues to laugh  "I guess it will give you plenty of time to reflect on the one murder you did commit!  It's been about fifteen years now hasn't it - you still haven't got over what you did to your cousin have you!!"

"How can I when you've spent fifteen years holding a gun to my head and stitching me up good and proper because of it!!  You are going to make me spend the rest of my life paying for it!!  I could have done the time and be walking free now, but no, you just had to manipulate the situation to your own advantage!!  It's not like it was even intentional, you know it was self defense, you was there for berry's sake!!  It wouldn't surprise me if you didn't wind him up and tell him all that stuff to make him go for me in the first place!!"   he just sits there laughing at me and he's really starting to wind me up!!  "Just go to hell Gravel, one day you'll get what's coming to you big time!!"  I snap at him.  "One of these days you are going to play your games with someone who will be able to undo you and I just hope I'm there to see it happen!!"  I laugh at him sarcastically  "You preyed on me because I was a vulnerably kid fighting to live up to the family reputation.   You could see, like I knew, I was in way over my head and never going to be in their league.  I didn't even want their life!!  I had no choice but to tow the line, I'm a Brownie it was expected of me, especially by my family - petty crime and playing people is all I'm good for and you knew it and that is how you've screwed me over!"

"I love the way your balls drop when we are face to face!!  You are something else when you are on the other end of a phone ... look at you sat there like a pathetic scared wuss!!  Where is your attitude now boy?!"   he starts laughing at me again  "I bet your old man is turning in his grave right now, his only son and look how he turned out!!  A pretty boy!!  He would be well ashamed of the soft faggot he has created!!"

"Grow up Gravel, I can't help who I am and I'm sure your old man would be just as proud of you right now ... NOT!!"  I snap at him  "I'm not ashamed of being a faggot or preferring the life I've had for the last five years even if it's not exactly been cosha thanks to you ... instead of the life that was expected of me just because I am Fudge Brownies son.  They expected me to be just like him, well I'm nothing like him!!  I hated  who he was and having to live the lie even more than I hate that you are now pulling my strings and you've got me hanging ten foot off the ground, but what choice have I ever had!!"  I snap at him  "The only good thing that's come out of my whole sorry life is my daughter and you have even taken that away from me!!  Now there's Granite and no doubt it won't be long before you take that away from me too!!"

"What's up with you, you grumpy ass!? ... you are seriously no fun anymore Mace, it's like you've lost your spark and have got no fight left in you!!"

"I don't have any fight left in me, what's the point ... I can kick and scream as much as I like, but its never going to change things, you'll never come clean and tell the truth and you aren't ever going to let me off the hook are you?!  You've taken it way to far to ever change it!!   I don't want to be here, so close to my daughter knowing I can't see her, it's killing me.  I just want to take Granite home and away from you and Forrest, so we can carry on with our life, which was okay until you fucked up again!!"  

Gravel sits at the table opposite me and just scowls at me.  We sit in silence for ages as he makes a start on the can that I refused to drink.

"Wuss, you've got it bad haven't you!!"  he laughs  "I thought you'd be jumping through hoops now he's proposed, it's what you wanted isn't it!!"

"Of course I'm happy, but I have to wake up every morning wandering if today is the day you are going to pull the plug or something is going to happen to draw attention to me and I'm going to lose it all!!  You might enjoying living that way but I don't especially when my life wasn't of my making!!"

"Man you'll have me crying and feeling sorry for you in a minute!!"  he starts laughing.

"Yeah right!!  Do you actually know how to cry?  I bet you can't can you!!  You need a conscience and emotions neither of which you have!!"  I laugh at him  "This identity that you've given me, it is completely safe now isn't it?  and I don't suppose you noticed if Mace Wood was wearing a wedding ring before you stuck the knife in or whatever you did to him?  You never said."  he starts laughing

"Yeah virtually, I told you I'd have to sit for a while before I could make everything disappear, he's a cold case now, I've disappeared the files, there are just a few odds and ends I need to tidy - then you are set forever - but you are safe to get married as him, he's no longer faded on paper."  he laughs  "I slit his throat if you really want to know and no he wasn't married anyway but don't forget you are so that could still catch up with you, not that another six years is going to make any difference to you!!"  he starts really laughing again.  "You never know she might have given up on you by now and divorced you!!"  he laughs  "I can check for you unless you want me to just arrange for Tami to drop off the planet!!"

"Bro ... Are you seriously THAT twisted?  I hope she has given up on me, you all know I never loved her like she wanted me too.  You all knew I was gay, but it doesn't mean I don't care about her!!   DON'T you touch her!!  Isn't it bad enough you've left Jasmine without me, now you want to take her Mother away from her too!!"

"Okay! Okay!  I'll leave Daddies Princess alone!!"  he laughs at me  "So come on I'm curious, you still haven't explained to me, how is my brother a piece of chocolate cake compared to me?"  he asks and I laugh at him

"He sucks dick a lot better than you do for a start!!  Maybe I should tell him his little brother swings both ways when the mood takes you!"  I laugh at him for a moment as he chokes on his drink.  "It's you who needs educating mate!!"  he kicks me really hard under the table!!  "Berry hole that hurt!!  The shame of it ...Gravel Rock got played even after I warned you that I could!!"  I start laughing at him.

"Berry Hole!! That was donkey's years ago and you should have forgotten about that by now TWAT!!  You might have played me once Mace with that cute little face of yours but you'll never do it again!!  Mention that again or try it again and you'll be going home in a wheelchair!!  Mmmm that's an interesting thought, I wander how lover boy would react to a permanent cripple!!"  

"Shut up Berry Hole!!"  I snap at him "Don't worry I wouldn't want to play you again anyway, you seriously make my skin crawl.  I only did it to wipe that smug smirk off your face!!"  he scowls at me  "You think you're untouchable, but you're not Gravel, I showed you that and one of these days someone WILL turn you over properly!!"

"Whatever wuss!!"  he snaps at me  "Come on I want to know about this chocolate cake!!"

"Granite isn't a liar like you, I'm not sure he knows how to lie whereas you, you couldn't lie straight if your life depended on it.  He keeps things to himself a lot but when he tells it, he tells it straight ... the only things he hasn't told me yet is about the wedding ring on his finger, the photo in his wallet and Forrest's name but if I pushed him hard enough - he'd tell me!"  I laugh for a moment  "He makes the job you've given me really easy and at home, when it's just us, I can be me.  Besides he is nothing like the person you described to me ... I think you was describing yourself not him, he's ten times the bloke you'll ever be!!  He isn't selfish, twisted or vindictive like you.  He doesn't use people either like you, I've always known he loves Forrest and he needs me to keep him away from his demons because he can't hack being alone, he's told me straight many times and to go if I don't like it, he thinks he's using me when really he isn't!!  You take lives while he saves them ... look at Slate he came back here without a second thought to give him a kidney when he doesn't even know the boy just because he's family.   If the tables were turned, you would have told him to jog on plus you don't give a shit about your family do you, you are too busy stabbing them in the back!!"

"Oh Pleeeease!!  Enough already!!   You are starting to sound like the green one now!!  He thinks the sun shines out of his backside too!!  That bloke is as blinkered as you are where the brown one is concerned!!"  he starts laughing  "How can you love him, why aren't you pissed that he was the one who grassed your Dad and Uncles up and got them locked up?"

"It's not like they didn't deserve it and actually in the long run it did me a favour, it got them off my back forever, and if you hadn't pounced on me to fill their shoes, I could have lived the life I wanted - being me instead of having to live up to being a Brownie!!"  I laugh a little  "Plus there are two sides to this story aren't there Gravel and I think we all know who the real snake is here don't we YOU!!  Granite was never meant for that life it was the alcohol and drugs that drove him there, and my family that forced him to stay there.  So when he asked you, his brother,  for help you used him to take them down and was even selfish enough to take him with them for reasons only Forrest seems to know!"  I laugh at him for a moment  "I might be a wuss but I'm not stupid, you must have thought you was being really clever pulling Turmeric out and sending me to sit on your brother, you hoped I'd be holding a grudge against him, you hoped there would be a repeat of what I did to my cousin, that I'd snap and finish Gran off to save you the job - didn't you!!"  he just laughs  "Well that back fired on you didn't it!!" 

"Yeah, I should have known you'd be a useless wuss - you just had to go and fall in love with him instead - I should have known better than to put you two faggots together!!  I also should have got Turmeric to finish it years ago."  he starts to really laugh  "See I told you, you are just like the green one, he also defends and makes excuses for the brown one even though neither of you should!!"

"So what's happening with Forrest ... I'm warning you Gravel, you make sure you keep him out of town and away from Granite because that is one murder I will be happy to commit if I really have to!!  I'm not losing Gran and if he ever finds out how Forrest still feels about him, he'll be straight back there without a second thought for me!!  I don't want Forrest to get anywhere near him!!"

"Don't stress Macey boy!!  We are both on the same page with that one even though you are all mouth, we both know it will probably be me or Turmeric who has to do it!!"  he pulls a face  "I think it's only a matter of time now, its going to be the green one first, which should make you happy then you get to keep the brown one all to yourself!"  he laughs at me  "The minute he's back, he's gone before he talks!!  If I knew he would keep his mouth shut then he'd be okay but I know he won't, he's getting too tetchy, you saw how stupid he went outside the hospital when he spotted Gran and it won't be long before he gets to him and opens his mouth.  He's bought the crap so far, but he'll be back, I doubt he'll stay away for long!!"  

I watch his face twists up a little bit. I already know he struggles where both of his brothers are concerned, if they were anyone else they would have both been six foot under years ago, because if Gravel wants you gone, you are gone, he never messes about!!  But I know in the end he will finish them if he has to.  I'm only still here because I'm useful to him, he is using me to pin all of his crap on, and I know one day I'm going to have to carry the can for everything he's done.  I have no choice because I seriously can not ever see a way out of this for me now.

"I want the brown one out of this town PERMANENTLY after the transplant!!  and this is where I'm warning you Mace - if you don't keep him away from here and Slate, he will be following the green one into his box and you won't stop me!!

"How can you get so bitter and twisted, they are both your brothers!!  Isn't it about time you let me into your secret!!  What is Forrest trying to tell Gran that is so devastating for you?  Is your secret really so precious that it's worth doing away with both of your brothers to keep!?"

"Hell yes it is!!  I have my reason which you will never be privy too!  So don't even try fishing again Mace, haven't I already warned you not to ask questions!!  I've already made the mistake of talking once and it won't be happening again!!"  he laughs at me  "If I told you, you'll be wearing the green ones shoes.  I'd have to fade you and I don't want to because I need you to keep the brown one away permanently.  Plus I'll have to find some other mug to pin my shit on, and if you do have to go down, then I want to be the one to take you down and cash in!!"

"You are a sick berry hole!!"  I snap at him  "I feel sorry for Coral and those babies!!  I guess they have got your shit coming just like the rest of us!!  I don't know anyone you haven't messed up!  You screw everyone over - even your own son has had a dose of it!!  I wander what they would think if they knew the truth and exactly what you really are!?"

"Coral and Slate are NONE of your business!!  You just keep away from both of them Mace I'm warning you!!"  he shouts at me quite nastily.  "If I catch you telling them one single thing about me and I've warned you already Mace, if I even suspect you are trying to play Coral you'll be looking at the inside of your prison cell or box!!"  he smirks  "I've not buried anyone alive yet, but I've always fancied it!  I think I might save that one for you and lover boy, because you must have realized by now, when lover boy has gone, you are going to be surplus to requirements Mace, I'm not dealing with an hysterical heartbroken wuss, you can go with him or I'll get you banged up, it's your choice!!"

"Ewww I've just hit a raw nerve haven't I!!  Coral and Slate, maybe you do have some emotions in there some where!!"  I laugh at him  "Maybe we should trade - you leave people alone I care about and I'll leave yours alone!!" 

"Shut it smart ass!!"  he snaps at me  "So what is this bonding session all about?"  he laughs  "Is he up to something or is he being genuine and going soft like you!!"

"I don't know, ask him!!  It's probably just what it is, he doesn't play games like you do!  Berry knows why he'd want me to get to know you better!!"  I laugh for a moment  "If only he knew I actually probably know you better than anyone, especially himself, he doesn't have a clue what you are!!"

"Yeah and it's going to stay that way isn't it Mace!!"  he scowls at me for a moment then smiles  "So what are you going to tell him when he gets back?"  he smirks at me  "How much you love his little brother!"

"Like hell!!  I'll be telling him the truth - that I can't stand you and I don't want him to leave me on my own with you EVER again!!"  he starts laughing  "How is Tarragon?  I take it you are still running Apple Hill on the sly!"

"Of course!!  Although it's been a lot harder since Coral."  he grins at me  "Your sister is good!"  I suddenly don't like the smirk on his face  "she's always got your kid with her.  Jasmine is a shy little thing ..."

"Gravel DON'T!!"  he just laughs at me.  I really don't want to hear anything about my daughter because it hurts too much.

"How do you fancy going out to see an old friend?"  I frown at him  "Turmeric, I said I'd meet him in the dive bar, we have things to discuss."

"Hell no!!  ARE YOU STUPID if Granite sees Turmeric in town he'll suss something isn't right especially if he sees him with you!!"  he just laughs at me  "You seriously are a TWAT!!  Taking another risk you don't need to be taking!!  In fact isn't Mango's house right by the dive bar!!"

"You stress too much!!  You know me, I always live by the seat of my pants!!"  he laughs as he crushes the can in his hand.  "You should try it sometime!"

"No thanks!!"  he laughs at me

"I really don't know what happened to this generation of your family - you all turned out stupid!!  Nothing like your old man and his old man before him."  he laughs at me  "It's probably just a good job you Brownies are a dying breed!!  There is only you, Tarragon and little Jasmine left now you know."  he starts laughing and I frown at him  

"What's happened to Aniseed and Basil?"

"Wearing heavy bricks at the bottom of Apple Lake!"  he starts really laughing  "They weren't a patch on your old man and Uncles, they were getting too big for their boots - but not anymore they're not - they are fish food!!  That's what happens when people upset me!!"

"BERRY HOLE!!  Who?  You?"  he nods and grins at me  "Are you on some kind of mission to wipe out my whole family?"  I snap at him.  I can't believe he's finished off my cousins and there is only me and my sister left which makes me wander what his problem is and if my sister and daughter are safe.  "You better leave Tarragon and Jasmine alone Gravel or I will seriously lose it!!" 

"Oh don't worry Macey boy your sister has her uses."  he sniggers for a moment  "She's never complained about me making her skin crawl, quite the opposite in fact!!"  he smirks at me  "I find it quite amusing, you get to play with my brother while I'm playing with your sister!!"

"YOU BERRY HOLE!!"  he laughs at me  "You make me sick and my sister needs her head testing if she's sleeping with you!!  How long has that been going on?  I take it Coral doesn't know!!  More to the point does Tarragon know about Coral?!"

"Do you seriously think I'd be sat here smiling if they knew about each other, they'd both batter me, you know how hysterical women get, especially Coral.  Tarragon not so much she punches like a bloke, she's actually got more ball than you!!"  he laughs sarcastically  

"HOW LONG have you been messing about with my sister?"  I snap at him  "Why didn't you tell me?!"

"Nearly five years with your sister, she needed a shoulder to cry on when her little brother went missing, besides I had to keep tabs to make sure you weren't keeping in touch with your family!!"   he smirks at me  "What was the point of me telling you, it's not like you can do anything about it, is it Macey boy!!"

He starts laughing but stops quickly because his phone starts ringing.  He looks at the phone number flashing on his screen and smirks.  I'm now worried about my sister, because I know the minute that Gravel gets bored with her or finishes using her, it is curtains for her too!!  Why the hell did he need to mess up Slate and Coral if he already has Tarragon?!

"Yow how's it hanging?!"  he laughs into the phone  "Chill Turmeric!!  Get me a pint in, I'm on my way.  The brown ones left me baby sitting his bitch!"  he starts laughing  "You'll never guess, they've only gone and got engaged, it looks like the brown one has finally gone all soft on Brownie boy!! "  he starts really laughing  "Have you heard from the green one?"  there is a slight pause  "No he's not answering his phone to me either, which is probably a good sign he's still crying!!"  he starts laughing again.  "Give me ten minutes!"

Gravel stands staring at me after he's snapped his phone shut.

"So are you coming with me to see our big bro?"  I shake my head at him  "You should come, he says he can't wait to see you again - he misses you, and he's got a bone to pick with you apparently!!"  he laughs

"Yeah the one in his throat I bet - berry hole!!"  I snap at him  He just stands there laughing at me!!  "You go I'm not interested in what you're up to with T, and I definitely can't afford to have you pulling me into any of your dodgy shit or my clothes stinking of booze!!  I'll stay here and wait for Gran to come back."

"Suit yourself wuss!!  If anyone asks I got called away on police business!"  he smirks as he picks up the empty cans off the kitchen table and just throws them into the open bin where Granite could quiet easily see them.  "See you around kid!!"  he winks at me as he walks out of the kitchen.

As soon as I hear the front door shut, I take the cans out of the kitchen bin and take them outside and throw them in the rubbish bin after I've wrapped them up with a news paper that is on the top of the bin, the berry hole wasn't even going to hide them!!

I go back inside and run upstairs and throw myself on the bed and cry myself to sleep.


~~~~~~~~~~~~ 


Cinnamon turns off the tape and the room is silent all but for me.  

I hear him go over to the police officer sat in the corner of the room, they talk quietly to each other for a moment before the officer walks out of the room.

"Granite?"  he says as he crouches down and puts his hand on my shoulder

I've completely gone!!  I'm literally on the floor in pieces, listening to Mace crying totally cracked me up on top of what I'd just sat listening to.  

I'm not even sure how I got off my chair and onto the floor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Song ~ Traitor ~ Daughtry 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rock 15

Long Gone and Moved on .... 



It feels a little strange being a doctor to be sat out in the corridor after being turfed out of Slates room by the nurses.  I actually want to be in there doing something but I can't - only Bay and Mango know that I am actually a doctor.

I put my arm around Mace as I glance at him.  He appears to be miserable and has been very quiet since we got out of bed this morning.   While he sat nattering through breakfast with Coral and exchanging dirty looks with Gravel, he has hardly spoken half a dozen words to me yet today.

When we arrived at the hospital we spent an hour in with Slate.  Mace was even quiet then, but he received a text from one of his mates and slipped out to phone him.  I sat talking to Bayleaf until the nurses turfed us out of his room because of the things that they need to do with Slate as part of their daily routine.  Physio to keep his joints moving, bed bathing, skin care and all the other stuff they have to do to him everyday.

Bay goes off home to take a quick shower and get himself something to eat and drink.  He has been here all night again, even after he's been told not to.  He sneaked back after Mango had taken him to his Mothers.  I really need to have words with him, he is seriously going to make himself ill if he carries on with what he's doing.  

Why does love make people do such silly things?!  I have to laugh at myself because I really am no better - look at what both me and Mace are doing!!  I'm hanging onto a lost love that I wrecked twenty years ago and Mace is hanging onto me hoping that I will love him one day like he loves me.  We are all crazy!! 

"Who was the text from earlier?   You was gone for ages."  I ask him when I can't stand the silence anymore, he's just sat staring at the wall opposite him like he's miles away in thought. 

"It was Atlas, he has two spare tickets for the game and he wandered if we wanted them, he didn't realize we were away.  We got nattering, you know what he's like, he never shuts up!!"  he smiles at me. 

"How did he not know we were away?"  I frown at him  "Didn't you phone round all your mates to tell them about our fairytale romantic getaway like you usually do?"  I laugh at the expression on his face.

"No I told you I was stopping all the bullshit didn't I!!"  he snaps at me  "Gran how long do you think we are going to have to be staying in Sugar Valley?  I really want to go home already."  Mace says suddenly. 

"Is wanting to go home why you have been so quiet this morning?"  I ask and he just nods miserably.

Oh Berry this is only our second day here I hope he is not going to start already!!  I know he is not comfortable about being in Sugar Valley because HE is here somewhere.  I knew he would start eventually but not this soon.  
 
"That bed is awful I ache like hell, Coral gives me a headache and I'm sorry I really don't like your brother, he's a slime ball!!"  he mumbles miserably. 

"The bed and my brother I can quite understand but I thought you was getting on okay with Coral you two seemed to nattered enough last night and over breakfast!"  I smile at him

"I do get on with her okay but she never shuts up, she's alright in small doses but after a while she gets on my nerves!!"  he laughs  "and don't think you are going to keep leaving me with her while you run around town because I'm not having it!!"  I laugh at him

"Don't worry I won't!"  I laugh at him, he probably thinks I'm going to dump him on Coral and sneak off to see Forrest!!  Chance would be a fine thing!!  

"Why don't we go home then come back when it's time for the transplant?  What is the point of us being in this town other than sitting here day in day out getting bored."  he says and I guess he does have a point, we could be at home until then, but now that we are here my brain is ticking, and I'm never going to find out what Gravel is up to if I'm at home. 

"I'll think about going home until the transplant, but lets stay a week at least, it's been 20 years since I've seen my brother and I have missed him even if I don't like him very much!!"  I smile at him  "Until then, to save you getting bored we should start going out and doing stuff, you're right we can't spend all our time sat here ... not that there is a lot to do in this town, it's not like I can take you to any of my old haunts!!"  All the bars in town.  I start laughing  "The extended family kids all meet up and go bowling together twice a week, Mosaic has already said we can tag along tonight if we want!"

"Yeah he's said the same to me - I'm always up for bowling you know that!"  he smiles at me  "So how long do you think it is going to be before all this kidney stuff is done?"

"I did warn you this could take months Mace, Slate needs to wake up first and he's only half way ready.  He is going to be out for at least another month, then we have to wait until he is strong enough to take the operation, that could be weeks, then the transplant, then it will be a while before I can actually fly home."  

I look at Mace and laugh and decide to drop something in just to test the water, to see how he reacts.  I think I already know I am going to have to move back to Sugar Valley, even if I don't want to.  Something is going on around Slate that I can't quite put my finger on.  I know my brother and and have a really nasty feeling that he is up to something because of all the lies and secrets.  

The baby thing is especially worrying me - I suspect Gravel is trying to pull some sort of scam, pull the wool over everyone's eyes where those babies are concerned - why else is he hiding his fertility problems and not coming clean to Coral?!  I've seen my brother pull some scams in the past and he always finds a way around things that you wouldn't imagine possible!!   Gravel has people on the inside in all sorts of places - he's far from the squeaky clean policeman that everyone thinks he is.  

I've even gone as far as to think last night, when I lay in bed unable to sleep, that he's probably got someone on the inside here at the hospital who can give him a dodgy false DNA test result - I suspect he might be planning to take those babies from Slate and claim they are his to keep Coral sweet.  There is only one thing that could stop him doing that, if either of those girls appear with Amber and Slates orange hair.  This is the only thing I can come up with - I could be wrong but I doubt I'm too far off the mark!!   

It is not just the babies and his fertility problems that Gravel is keeping hidden - there is something else lurking in and from the past!!  Me and Forrest and Forrest's family being kept a secret is something else that is bugging me.  How can Slate not know about any of us?  How has Gravel gotten away with it for all these years and why they have kept their distance and played along with it, especially Forrest - I just can't work it out.  I'm even starting to get a little suspicious of Amber fading and Gravels lack of wanting to talk about it.  Every time I mention Amber he clams up and changes the subject - it is seriously making me wander if Gravel didn't have a hand in her death somehow!!  I know he is capable of anything and that's what scares me!!

I just know I have to stay in this town for Slates sake!!  Look at what Gravel has already driven him too!!  I know Gravel is just going to ruin Slate exactly like he's ruined the rest of us!!  What sort of Uncle would I be if I just walked away and left the boy to my brothers mercy?!  Obviously Slate being his son doesn't mean a damn thing to Gravel, he is going to receive exactly the same treatment that the rest of us have experienced.

"You know it might be an idea for us to go house hunting and maybe settle down here!  I do have family here after all and neither of us have anyone back home!"  

I smile at him as I sit and watch his face twisting up.  I doubt he is going to like this idea one little bit!! Now to dangle the carrot before he starts kicking off! 

"We could sell our house in Cherry Hill and that would give us enough money with what we have saved to get ourselves a house built here, exactly the way you want it.  I know you like all that design and decorating shit, that will find you something to do getting our new house built - you can even put that swimming pool in that you keep nagging me for!!"

"Oh No!! Gran please don't!!  Don't think you can sweet talk me into it with swimming pools and shit!!  I don't WANT to live in Sugar Valley!!  I just knew you would start talking about moving here once we got here!!"  he starts to look upset.

"Look it's just an idea!!  The very last thing that I want to do is stop in this town where HE is!!"  he rolls his eyes at me for mentioning Forrest but I think he would be the only reason why Mace will kick up a fuss over moving to Sugar Valley.  "I'm only saying this because of Slate - I might end up having to stay here for his sake - I'm sure my brother is up to his old tricks again!!"  he shakes his head.  I've told Mace some of the things and stunts that Gravel has pulled in the past so it's not like I need to sit here explaining them to him now.  "You can see what Slate has done to himself and what Gravel has driven him too ... he needs me here even if he doesn't know I exist yet and I won't be able to live with myself leaving this town and leaving him to the mercy of my twisted brother not knowing if he's going to be okay !!"

"This isn't fair - you are just going to use Slate as your excuse to emotionally blackmail me!!  Isn't it enough that you are giving him one of your kidneys - you can keep in contact, he can come out and visit - Hell move him out to Cherry Hill if things are really that bad with Gravel.  We don't have to move here!!"  he snaps at me  "Gran I am NEVER going to be comfortable in this town with HIM living here and you know it!!" 

"Forget HIM - I am with you now aren't I!  I don't know what you are getting all stressed for!!  He won't be interested in me anymore!!  You don't move to a different town every time you get an ex, you ignore them and get on with it!!  So what if he's here - Forget HIM!!"

"Like you can forget HIM you mean!!"  he says sarcastically  "It's not that simple and you know it!!  I'll always be stressed when you love HIM and not me!!"

"I'm working on changing that aren't I!!"  he just stares at me and says nothing  "We are working on trying to change it aren't we?!"

"I suppose ... but it's not happening is it Granite!"

"Hell give it a chance Mace!!"  I laugh at him  "It's ONLY been FOUR days since we agreed to change things!!  I can't just turn my feelings on and off instantly like a light switch, if I could don't you think I would have done it already ... it's going to take time." 

"I know it's only been four days and I'm not stupid - that isn't what I meant!!"  he rolls his eyes at me  "How much time do you need exactly, it's a joke, HE has been there for twenty years so I don't think you are EVER going to do it!!  HE is always going to be there because you don't want to let it go!!"

"HE can probably be in the back of my head forever but HE is not physically here is HE!!  You are!!  Have I thrown him at you once or have you actually felt him around or between us for the past four days?"

"No I haven't felt him between us, but I KNOW he has been walking around this town somewhere for the past two days, he is only in your head at home.   I can't stop thinking about HIM.   HE could have already walked right past me and I wouldn't even know - I'm suspicious of every bloke I look at, so it doesn't matter if I can't feel him between us I know he is still lurking about somewhere and at any time he can pop up and take you away!!"  he points down the corridor to a man sat reading a newspaper  "It could be him for all I know and would you actually tell me if it was?!  You won't tell me his name or what colour he is or anything!"

"You're an idiot!!  He is completely green okay - so you don't need to worry about anyone unless they are all green!"  Hell!  Why did I just tell him that!!

"I didn't think you liked the colour green?"

"It's not that I don't like green, it's actually my favourite colour - I just don't want to see green so it doesn't remind me!!"

"Oh great!!  and I just filled our house up with green plants!!"  he rolls his eyes

I can't help but laugh at him as I call him an idiot and start kissing him.  I need to stop this conversation before I tell him anything else.  I've already stupidly told him too much, he'll probably go hunting the town down now for green guys.

I want to prolong Mace finding out who Forrest is and what he looks like.  On his past form Mace will probably just launch into a full scale attack the minute Forrest is stood in front of him.  Forrest won't have to do or say anything.

Mace gets really stupid when he thinks he is being threatened by another male.  Especially when they are gay like Bayleaf, the snapping and the glaring - it's stupid - and the minute he gets Bayleaf alone he'll warn him off.  I've already had to tell him to back off Bayleaf because I'm not remotely interested in him.  I can't get too close to anyone, I saw the look he pulled when Mango hugged me at the airport and the faces he pulls when I shake peoples hands.  

Mace has lost me quite a few of my mates over the years back home because of his possessive behaviour - he's kicked off royal style at a few of my straight mates because he thought they were getting a little too close to me and there really was no need.  Me laughing with one of his gay mates almost caused world war three and nearly got Mace locked up for murder.  I saw a side to Mace that night that I've never seen before or since.  I honestly thought when they started fighting Mace was going to fade him.  He virtually strangled his mate to within an inch of his life, it took three of us to pull Mace off him.  He scared me with how far he went, the look in his eye was evil and if we hadn't stopped him he would have faded his mate.  I'm worried that is how far he will get with Forrest, I've rubbed him in Maces face for too many years hurting him, enough to unhinge him.  He's only ever happy when I'm around women because he knows that is one place I have never and could never go.

"Do you two ever stop snogging?"  I hear Gravel say  "Anyone would think you two are actually in love or is this just a sex thing cause that is none stop as well isn't it!!  I'm surprised you're not in the linen cupboard right now!!"  he laughs  "I could have been anyone sat here and neither of you would have known!!"

I watch Gravel and Mace exchange a strange look.

"Shut up Berry Hole!!"  I snap at him  "I know it's your favourite game but don't think you are going to get me and Mace arguing with your sarcastic comments because Mace already knows that I've told you the truth about what is going on with me and him so wind your neck in Gravel!!"  he just laughs  "Unlike you and little Miss drama queen, me and Mace don't just shag we actually do talk, maybe you should try it some time - it's good for the sole!!"

"Who's rattled your cage?!"  he starts laughing 

"There is only one person who can rattle my cage, so you tell me!!"  I snap at him  "What are you doing here anyway - I thought you had work today!"

 "I come and go as I please these days, besides we have something important we need to discuss!!"  he looks at Mace  "and we need some space!!"  I laugh when I notice Mace glaring at Gravel.  "Where is Bay?"

"He's just nipped home, he should be back soon why?"

Gravel does the strangest thing.  He grabs Mace's arm virtually pulling him up off the seat and asks him if he can have a quiet word with him and pulls him to the other side of the corridor and they start whispering quietly enough so I can't hear what they are saying.  I notice the scowl drop off Maces face as he looks over at me almost sympathetically.  Then he comes over and kisses me.

"I'll just be outside waiting for Bay to give you two some space."  he smiles at me before he walks off down the corridor.
 

"So what game are you playing now - why send Mace outside?"  I ask Gravel when he sits back down next to me with a wierd look on his face.

"I'm not playing games.  I need to tell you something and Forrest might crop up in the conversation so I thought it best he's not around when I tell you ... Mommy faded six months ago."  

That really shocked me.  He just smacks me with it!  He doesn't even soften the blow to let me know something bad is coming.  I sit there stunned for a moment and just stare at the wall oposite as I can feel myself welling up.  Why the hell didn't he tell me this at home last night, why wait until now?!

"She's not been good for a few years and of course you disappearing for twenty years hasn't helped - you really upset her Gran!!"  That's it Gravel you just stick the knife in like I don't feel guilty enough already on my own!!

"HELL!!"

"Paps is not too good either right now, he's on his last legs I think!"  he says miserably.

"I need to go and see him!!"

"NO!!  You can't!!  Paps is not well enough to cope with you just turning up after all these years!!  He's really angry with you, you turning up will probably finish him off!"  he snaps at me  "and Meadow is likely to kick you round the floor if she gets her hands on you for all the upset you've caused everyone especially Forrest!!"

"Gravel I've been away for twenty years I can't not just go because you say so!!  Don't you think I haven't missed them and felt guilty enough all these years - without you digging the knife in deeper and making me look even worse!!"  I snap at him  "I need to put it right!!  Give me Meadows's phone number!"

"No!  I doubt she will even talk to you!!"  he shakes his head  "After what you told me this morning about you still loving Forrest - I don't think you'll want to go anywhere near them anyway.  Forrest will be there later, I've just spoken to him, he is on his way home right now to pack then he's off ..."  I look up when he says that  "When he found out about you being in town with your bitch, he decided to take off to Meadow's with his bitch."

"WHAT?!"

"He's decided to take time out and go and stay with Meadow until you sling your hook back to where you came from ... he told me this morning it could probably be a permanent move."

"No not that ... you said with his bitch!!"

"He's moved on Gran ... I'm sorry, I was trying to avoid telling you because I knew it was going to upset you after what you told me this morning - he's with somebody else now!!"  he goes quiet for a moment as I sit there numb and the shock sets in  "They are really into each other too, he's moved his bitch into your old house with him.  He told me he's happier with him than he ever was with you and I've heard them talking about getting married - so I guess you'll be getting that divorce soon enough!!"

"Berry Hole!!"  I say which makes Gravel laugh

"Bro - you can talk - you have Mace remember!!"  he says finally 

"Yeah but there is a difference - he's actually moved on I haven't really.  I've told you I don't love Mace - Mace knows I don't love him. he's just stupid enough to hang around on the off chance that I might love him one day!!  I've told you exactly what is going on with me and Mace and he won't tell you any different!!  He knows I still love Forrest so I haven't moved on at all really have I ..."

"You are still living with him, shagging him and playing happy families with him - so does it really matter if you love him or not, you have moved on in a fashion however you wanna look at it."  he gives me that smug look of his.

"Does Forrest know about Mace?" 

"Yes and he's says he's welcome to you!!  He's really glad you haven't come crawling back after him!!  He can't believe you've got the nerve to show your face back here after all this time!!"

"Oh I bet you was right round there sticking the knife in wasn't you!!  I bet you are loving this and couldn't wait to tell him ... but I bet you didn't tell him the truth about me and Mace did you!!"

 "Don't start on me - It's your own fault you blew it years ago by not coming back after you left prison, disappearing without a word, you almost destroyed him and now you waltz back into town twenty years later like nothing with your new bitch - it's no wander Forrest hates you these days!!  You have always been a selfish berry hole!!"

"Yeah of course I'm selfish but we won't even go into who's fault it is that I actually got locked up and why I had to leave town - but I bet you never told him the truth about that either did you!!"   I snap at him sarcastically because he forgets this is his fault and doing!!  "and you are lying!!  He could never hate me like I could never hate him!!  He might be angry with me but never hate!!"

"Oh he does, he hates you with a passion - he tells me quite regularly!!  He doesn't want to see you, speak to you or have anything to do with you - why else would he ship out of town waiting for you to leave again?  The quicker you and Mace go back to Cherry Hill the better it is for all of us especially yourself!!"  he laughs  "I doubt you will want to see him rubbing his red bitch in your face!!"

"RED!!"  this makes me laugh  "Now I know you are pulling my leg here aren't you - Forrest wouldn't!!"  I laugh at him thinking he's trying to be funny   "Forrest HATES the colour red with a passion!!"

"Not any more he doesn't!!"  Gravel laughs  "Forrest is outside right now with lover boy if you don't believe me and I hate to remind you - so is Mace remember!"

"BERRY HOLE!!  Did you send Mace out there on purpose just to cause trouble!!"

Fudge!!!!  Mace and Forrest outside together.  I've just told Mace that Forrest is all green - if Mace spots him he is stupid enough to go over and ask him then kick off!!

I get up and start running down the corridor as an automatic reaction, not really thinking.  I don't even know what I'm doing it for other than because of panic.  

If there is going to be trouble between Mace and Forrest I'm not sure I want to be there!!  I'd be stuck in the middle not knowing which way to go.  I DON'T want to see Forrest with his new bitch - that's the last thing I need.  I don't even want to see Forrest because it will just bring it all back and rip my heart out all over again.

My head is all over the place and I really can't think straight!!   First he tells me about Mommy fading then in the next breath he tells me Forrest is outside and has moved onto his red guy - talk about being hit with a double whammy!!  He hardly gave me chance to deal with one thing before he hit me with the next.  

Both things he knows are really going to upset me - but that's Gravel, no consideration of anyone's feelings other than his own!!

I tear out of the hospital main doors.

The first thing that smacks me in the face as soon as I step outside - Forrest and his red guy right in front of me.  

They have their backs to me and are walking away from the hospital, across the car park, they look like they might even be heading towards Mango's car.   The red guy has his arm around Forrests shoulder.  I feel sick.

I look nervously around for Mace and I spot him stood quite away from the doors over by the benches his back is turned towards Forrest and he's deep in conversation talking to Bayleaf.  Neither Forrest of Mace have spotted me yet.

I just stand there staring at Forrest's back and feel sick. 

I can not bear to watch Forrest and his red guy together anymore!!  I've already seen too much.  I know I should never have come out here - I really didn't need to see this!!  This is exactly what I have always been scared of seeing and why I've never come back!!

I just stand there with my eyes closed and all I can keep thinking is Red!!

Red!! Red!! Forrest HATES red!!

I hear the red guy laughing and I start to feel really really sick!!  His laughter is going straight through me, I just want to scream at him to shut up!!

I open my eyes and just stare down at the floor wandering if I'm about to throw up all over it as I feel my stomach really start churning.  Just seeing the back of him, just the shock of physically seeing him for the first time in twenty years brings everything slamming back and I feel like I've just been hit by a ten tonne truck.  All of those horrible feeling that I've carried around for years that have subsided to a dull ache now come back with a vengeance.

My mind is very tormented, as I can feel the tears welling up and stinging my eyes.  I've got half a mind to just go over to him and have it out with him once and for all as he is here in front of me.  But I know I can't!!  In a way I'm glad I haven't seen his face yet because I think if I did I'd just crack up.

"Gran what are you doing out here?"  I suddenly hear Mace's voice beside me snapping me out of my thoughts.  "Are you okay?"  He tries to put his arm round me and I shrug him off.

I dare not look over in Forrest direction in case Mace sees me or in case he has spotted me.  I don't want him to see me and I definitely don't want to see his face staring back at me.  The last thing I want is Mace and Forrest to face each other, I know Mace will lose it, I don't want Mace to realize who Forrest is.

I panic and leg it.  I bolt across the front of the hospital and keep on running.

I hear Gravel and Mace shouting after me, which annoys me because they have probably just drawn Forrests attention to me, but I ignore them both and keep on running out of the hospital grounds and across the road without looking back.  

I can't get away from the place fast enough.

I managed to hold in the flood until I got back to Gravels house.  I throw myself on the bed and then I start crying.  It hurts so bad I can hardly breath!!  My heart is breaking and my head is swimming all over the place, I don't know what or who to think about first.  What the hell is wrong with me - how can it all still be there, I suddenly feel like time has rolled back twenty years.  I feel like I'm right back at the beginning of the heartbreak and I'm scared I'm going to have to go through all that pain again.

Even though I've always thought that Forrest would have moved on over the years, I guess in the back of my mind there has always been a hope that he hasn't and still feels exactly like I do.  That hope has always been there keeping me sane.   Actually knowing that he has definitely moved on is something totally different.  Just thinking about him being with somebody else kills me!!  Actually seeing it, seeing the person who he is now with makes it feel a thousand times worse!!  Gravel telling me that he hates me - he doesn't love me anymore instead he hates me - I really can't cope with that!!

Hell!!  Mommy has faded and now I feel downright awful!!!  I should have known Mommy and Paps were getting on in age and their time was racing away, but I've always tried to push them to the back of my mind because like Forrest it hurts thinking about them.  I could so easily have picked up the phone to them during those twenty years but it always seemed easier and better for all of us for me not too.

I can't even remember the last conversation that me and Mommy had or the last time I saw either of my foster parents, probably because I was either too drunk or too high to remember or register it.  Now she's gone and there isn't a damn thing I will ever be able to do about putting things right.  She probably faded hating me too for what I did to them and especially Forrest and that really hurts.

I know it's all my fault - I am a coward!!  If I wasn't a coward I would have put these things right years ago!!  Now it's too late to fix either of them. 

I hadn't been lay there long when I hear the bedroom door open and close

"What the hell happened?"   Mace asks as he approaches the bed  "You shit us right up we thought you had run off to the dive bar!!"  I ignore him.  

I nearly did end up in the dive bar I came very very close.  I ran past the bar and actually stopped running and stood outside the door!!  It was only thinking about Slate and him needing my sober kidney that stopped me from going inside.  

"Gran?"

I ignore him again as I carry on crying and he stays silent for a moment.  I hear the phone keys bleeping on his phone keypad knowing he's obviously making a phone call.

"Gravel I've found him, it's okay he's at home, panic over he's not drinking!!"  I hear Mace say into his phone.  "So you and Bay can stop looking, can you call Bay I don't have his number."

I wander for a second because I find it strange Mace having Gravels number, when did that happen?!  I laugh in my head a little imagining Gravel running into all the bars in town looking for me.  He wouldn't be worried about ME drinking and setting off my addiction again, he will just be worried about my kidney being sober for his boy so I can clean his mess up!!  If I'd known that is what they were thinking or what Gravel might be doing I'd have told Mace not to make that phone call to leave Gravel sweating for a while!! 

After Mace has cut off the call which he did quite quickly he crawls onto the bed to holds me while I'm still lying there crying.

    

I just lie there in his arms for hours and cry myself out.  All the time he just lies there and doesn't say a word.  I actually wander if he even knows why I'm crying at all.

I doubt that Mace would be lying there so calmly if he knew what most of my tears are for.  If he knew I was lying here crying because of Forrest he would probably have the roof of the house by now. 

"I'm sorry about your Mom, Gravel told me she faded."

I don't say anything I just lie there not really knowing what to say.

"How come you haven't seen your foster Dad and Sister yet?  I thought you would have been to see them by now, you haven't even mentioned them since we've been here which has surprised me a little!"  he asks quietly  "Maybe you need to go and see them."

Yeah he's going to love this - but I have to tell him - suddenly I don't think I care what he thinks or does or even if I'm hurting him, if he goes or stays, I don't give a shit - suddenly I don't think I care about anything anymore.  

The pain in my chest is getting heavier and I know I'm not escaping this.

"It's a little complicated ... I'm going to tell you something because you are asking the questions and no doubt Gravel will be dropping his sarcastic digs the first chance he gets.  Stuff I've never told you before that you didn't really need to know in Cherry Hill, but as you are here I guess you might hear Gravel or Mango talking about stuff you don't understand.  I also have to tell Slate about our family because he doesn't know any of it either  -  my brother hasn't bothered to tell him for some reason only he knows."  

I look up at him and he doesn't react, he just lies there staring back at me

"I don't want to fight with you over what I'm going to tell you Mace because I am really not in the mood right now.  I came so close to running into the dive bar I've scared myself!   Fighting will probably just tip me over the edge but I just want to be straight with you."  he stares at me silently for a moment. 

"Okay no fighting!  Why do I get the feeling I'm not going to like this!"

"You probably won't!!  Mommy she wasn't just my foster Mother, she was also my Mother in law."  he starts laughing for a moment then stops as he watches my face,  he must have thought I was joking for a split second, but he can see I'm not joking.  "Me and HIM were already dating when my parents faded.  It was HIS parents that took us in - they adopted Gravel when he was a kid but couldn't adopt me because of HIM."  he stays silent  "So Mommy and Paps are HIS parents.  My foster parents and in laws and Gravels adopted parents."

"Just how long were you two together anyway, you've never actually told me!!"  he snaps  "You usually tell me it's none of my business!!"

"Since we were thirteen but we've been friends all of our lives, his parents and my parents were best friends, we were born a month apart and our Mothers were always together so we grew up quite closely together - pretty funny really when you think about it, we both end up gay and together - it was almost like it was fate, we were meant to be together and if shit hadn't happened I know we would still be together now!! "  

I watch him nearly choking because maybe I've just taken the conversation too far, but I don't care!  It's just a relief to say out loud all the things that I have been keeping to myself and have never told him.   

"Thirteen years we were together as a couple before I left, so 26 years he's been a big part of my life, more years than I've been without him ..."

"So HE is your foster brother!!"  he half yells suddenly like what I told him has only just sank in properly.  "You told me you have a foster brother but you never told me it was HIM!!"

"Well I wouldn't would I - I would have been telling you about HIM then so it was easier just not to mention IT."  he pulls a face at me 

"GREAT!!  So we are NEVER going to get rid of HIM are we!!"  he scowls at me  "Even if you do stop loving him, he will always be there!!"

"He's already gone for me at least!!"  he laughs sarcastically and pulls a face  "Look, I've not had any of my family in my life for the past twenty years and my foster family I've burnt bridges that are probably unrepairable now.  Mommy has faded, Paps is not too far behind her, Meadow is going to kick me round the floor according to Gravel for what I've done to HIM and HE hates me.  They don't live in this town so I doubt I'll ever see any of them ever again!!"

This really upsets me again just hearing myself say it and I start crying again.

I am really surprised that he isn't going mental.  He just lies there again silently holding me until I stop crying.

"I've seen HIM today with his new bitch!"  I say quietly

"WHAT?!"  he jumps up again and starts yelling  "You've seen HIM - WHEN??  More to the point where was I?!"

"I don't want to fight with you Mace!  I didn't speak to him, I don't think he even saw me.  He was at the hospital outside with his boyfriend when you was out there talking to Bay.  That's why I ran - I panicked when I saw him.  I didn't want him to see me and I didn't want to face him."

"Hell!!  I never even noticed a green guy outside the hospital, obviously I wasn't paying attention was I!!"  He almost looks disappointed.

"It's probably a good job you didn't or you would have only kicked off at him like you do then I would have had to have got involved!!  You had your back to him and you was busy talking to Bay."  he just looms over me with his mouth open  "You don't have to worry either - Gravel has told me - he's going out of town because of me being here.   He doesn't want to have anything to do with me, he really hates me apparently - so you don't need to stress anymore, it is just like I said it would be - done and over he has moved on!!   It's probably going to be a permanent move too to where Paps and Meadow live according to Gravel, so you don't have to worry about HIM being in Sugar Valley because he isn't anymore."

"Are you just saying this to make me feel better?!" he frowns at me.

"No - ask Gravel, he'll tell you!!"  I smile at him  "HE has GONE and moved on!!"

"You are crying mostly because of HIM aren't you!!"  he stares down at me

"Yes, seeing him especially with someone else - it is hurting like hell and I can hardly take it ... I can't hide it either so if you don't like it you know where the door is Mace!!  I really can't deal with your shit right now - I'd rather you just left and leave me to it!!"

"I'm not going to give you any shit!!"  he smiles at me  "I'm not going anywhere either!!"

"Well maybe you should leave.  I wouldn't blame you if you did, because this isn't going to be pretty and I don't have the energy to worry about your feelings because I can hardly deal with my own!!" 

"I'm glad this has happened and you can actually see that he has gone and moved on.  Maybe this is exactly what you needed to see!!"  he smiles at me for a moment  "You need to cry it out and finally get it out of your system.  Now you can finally let it go because now you can see you have to.  You can finally work on forgetting about him!!"  he smiles at me 

I'm a little, no very surprised, shocked and confused by his attitude and the way he is dealing with it.   I thought that he would have been bouncing off the walls by now, but I don't have the energy to question him or try and work out what is going on in his head right now.
 
He starts kissing me.

He doesn't kiss me for long before he pulls me back into his arms and carries on holding me while I continue to cry.

"I need to get you away from this town and that awful brother of yours!"  he says suddenly.  I frown at him wandering why he has said that. 

"I am going to take you back home as soon as I can arrange a flight and I don't care what you say!!"  he pauses for a while probably waiting for a reaction from me but he doesn't get one.  "We can come straight back here as soon as Slate needs your kidney, but I really think you would feel a lot better being at home right now!!

I don't get why he's being so calm and sensible about it all?!   I think about what he's just said for a moment.  He's right, just thinking about home makes me want to be there.

"Okay!  Let's go home!!"  I mumble finally  "I want to go home!"

I think home is exactly what I need!!


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Song ~ Long Gone and Moved on ~ The Script
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