We both lie down together laughing our heads off after the nurse has left the room. She had tried to part us and move us into separate beds. What she had really wanted was me back next door, but Granite wouldn't have any of it, which amused me.
Granite started to give her a load of flannel about how out in the coded world, and in the hospital where he works, patents sharing a bed is quite normal. How clinical trials have revealed that emotional support helps a patient recover quicker. He told her that Dr Muffin and Dr Rock have both authorised them sharing a bed. When he started to suggest she climbed in with us, she did a runner.
"Mango and Forrest are so going to string you up for that fib!!" I laugh at him "Even I know what you have just told her is a load of bull!! Would you seriously let a patient pull the wool over your eyes like that at work!!"
"Hell no, and if any of my nurses fell for that crap they would be for the high jump!! But then they are pretty stupid in this town, and she just proves it, she fell for it hook line and sinker!! She is a useless nurse anyway, the dosy cow didn't even do my obs did you notice, and that is why she came in here in the first place!!" we carry on laughing for a while.
"Maybe you should call her back ... aren't your obs important, and you are feeling ill!!"
"I'll be fine ... after what my body has been through, I am going to feel like shit!! I'm a doctor remember, and I would know if there was anything seriously wrong with me. Besides no doubt Dr Rock will be back for another pop at me when he's done in theatre, he can do my obs then." he starts laughing "Berry help the patient he has on the table right now, after the mood he stormed out in!!"
"So come on - the lobster thing. What was you really thinking about when you was staring at the door for ages after you watched HIM storm out of the room?" he rolls his eyes "I'm not sure I can believe you was thinking about our sex life!!"
"Honestly, I was!!" I frown at him "I was thinking about how and when the good sex started and about how we just keep getting better. The constant kissing that we keep doing and have been doing for ages, without me even realising. Gravel was right, it never stops does it, the kissing or sex." he laughs as he runs his hand down to the top of my shorts, just above the point where I still have feeling. "Hell I am getting horny just thinking about it ... if I didn't feel so ill I would be pulling the plug on that camera in the corner of the room, and barricading the door." I laugh at him for a moment even though I am confused.
"I don't get it, how does Forrest storming off make you think about our sex life?"
"I was comparing the two of you. It hit me when I was bickering with him, he was reminding me of just how bad mine and his relationship could get sometimes, worse than ours has ever been. Your bickering is nothing in comparison to his, his tongue is razor sharp, yours is more like a blunt table knife." this makes me laugh for a moment. "I didn't even see it when I was living it, me and you as a couple, we are so much better than me and him have ever been, especially our sex life. I am wandering where my head has been at these past five years pining after him and not seeing you!!"
"This is getting seriously crazy!!" I laugh sarcastically "So I guess, you must have been comparing your sex lives. So come on, who do you prefer to shag more ... him I guess!!"
"No!! I ... " he starts to look extremely sheepish "There is nothing to compare in that department ... I ... I never had anything even remotely close to our sex life, with him. We basically had no sex life."
"Fuck off Granite!!" I snap at him "So you are now about to tell me something else that you have twisted and used to whip me with all these years!"
I laugh sarcastically as I try to sit myself up, but Granite pushes me back down and hovers over me.
"No, I have never whipped you with mine and Forrests sex life!! I only ever told you that one thing, the first time that we had sex, about him, and that should have told you that mine and his sex life was not good." he smiles at me "Just like ours wasn't until we started to work on us."
"I guess." I mumble "Are you always going to be comparing us in that head of yours? You know I am really sick and tired of it, as well as very confused by it all now!!" he frowns at me "You have spent the last five years telling me he is better than me in every way, now you are twisting it!!" I pull a face at him.
"I'm sorry, I didn't intentionally mean to hurt you!! I guess while he is in my face, I won't be able to help compare the two of you. When this is all over and we are home and he is out of our life, I will stop I promise!! I won't throw him at you or even mention him ever again!!! We can totally forget about him and get on with our life, which I can do now, because I have finally let him go!!"
"Yeah ... I will believe that when I see it!!" I laugh "You can't just switch it off so suddenly like you are trying to make out that you have done!! You go into a coma obsessed with him and not wanting me, and you wake up saying it's me you want and you don't love him and he's wrong for you. I am beginning to wander if it isn't a case of you always wanting what you can't have - for twenty years all you have wanted is him, now he is in front of you suddenly you don't want him. You have spent the last five years not wanting me, now suddenly because I have a stint in prison ahead of me, you want me!! After you have spent years putting me through hell and everything you have thrown at me ... the switch, it is just too drastic ... this really isn't making a lot of sense!!"
"I know, I'm sorry!! I can understand you finding it hard to believe, I am myself. I'm sure I told you earlier, the reality now is nothing like the twenty year fantasy that I've been having, seeing him again was nothing like I imagined it would be!! I was blinded by the control he had over me and the strong emotional bond that we have had since we were toddlers ... I had to have that talk with Dad and see Forrest again to finally understand ... It was emotional attachment not love ... I know that now!!" he pulls a face as I laugh at him sarcastically, still not sure that I can completely believe what he is saying. "At the moment, me comparing the pair of you, is what I need to do. Now that my head is firmly planted in reality, and I have the both of you in front of me. It is actually doing you a favour and helping me to see a lot of things, especially that you are much better for me."
"Like how am I better for you?"
"Like ... Mine and his relationship, now I can see, it was a joke!! It was very one sided, his way or no way, it didn't matter what I wanted, he controlled everything and everything was done just how he wanted it, he didn't care if it made me unhappy. He controlled and brainwashed me so much I could never be me, whereas with you, it is totally different, I can be myself. We work at our relationship, we share, we compromise, we always find a middle ground, we both do things that we don't like to make each other happy. He would never do any of that, he was very selfish, whereas you are not." he chuckles to himself "You know I must have had rocks in my head not to see just how wrong he was for me!! Even with my alcohol problem he gave me no support like you do, he nagged me to stop but he didn't do anything to try to help me. You became tea total and quit drinking alcohol for me, you wouldn't dream of bringing alcohol into the house and you protect me from it. You come to my AA meetings and socialise with my addict friends even though I know you don't like it, or them, but still you do it, for me!! He didn't quit drinking, he always had bottles of wine in the house, and he would quite often come home stinking of booze after a night out with his friends. On the few occasions that I tried to quit and started to attend AA meetings in Apple Hill - he wouldn't have any part in it. He wouldn't come with me, and my addict friends, he wouldn't even let them set foot in the house, he wanted absolutely nothing to do with them or my problem. With him I could never stay sober, with you I can."
"I still can't get past the no sex life thing ... "
"Our romantic relationship was an even bigger joke, obviously!! Dad was right, we should only ever have been best friends and not tried to take it any further than that. We were drawn into a romantic relationship that we should not have been in by our emotional attachment. I suppose looking back and thinking about it logically, he is not gay, he must have manipulated me and our relationship to keep me all to himself." He smiles at me "These past few months of us being good is what has helped me to make sense of it all and helped me to see things clearly. I have realised that I have only really just learned what relationships and sex are actually about, and I think that is part of why I treated you so badly before, because I didn't really know any other way. Me and him, we were not really close in a romantic sense, affection and sex was not a major thing in our relationship, we never really wanted it and it never used to happen that often with us. Romantically our relationship was very cold." he laughs "Hell we didn't even sleep in a bed properly like a normal couple ... us even lying like this, would only ever happen if one of us was really upset or if I was sick and being a baby."
"Shut up!! You are winding me up now!!" I laugh at him
"Seriously!! We hardly ever did it and we used to fight over the same side of the bed. We used to sleep top and tail, it was the only way we could sleep in the same bed. I rarely got a decent nights sleep, with his snoring and he was always kicking me in the back of the head. Most of the time I used to get up and go and sleep on the couch in our room."
"You made me believe that you had a 'normal' relationship and a good sex life." I frown at him
"No, you just presumed we did!!"
"Why have you never told me any of this stuff before?"
"It was easier not to, it helped me to keep you from getting too close." he pulls a face at me "Besides, I pushed all the bad bits to the back of my mind and blocked them out, and I'm not sure I really understood it myself until you showed me different. There has only ever been Forrest and what we did I thought was normal. The sex we had never really gave me any pleasure, and you used to confuse me because I could never work out why you wanted it so much. Now I understand, because emotionally and sexually, you have woken me up. With him and with you before the day we decided to try and make us work ... sex, didn't really bother me at all, I was just a robot trying to get some relief for my achy balls which is all sex has ever really been for me."
This has me in hysterics but he is not amused with me laughing.
"It's not funny Mace, that just shows how naive I was, and how much he controlled and brainwashed me into making me think that what we had was normal!! I would still be ignorant now if I had not given you the opportunity to show me otherwise and wake me up." he laughs trying to cover up that he is so obviously embarrassed. "I'm beginning to believe your theory, that I was always too pissed or high to see straight when I was with him!!"
"So come on, explain your sex life to me ... in detail ... I'm curious." I snigger at him
"Do I really have to?" he mumbles
"Yes!!" I grin at him "Or you see these hands and this mouth that you recon are going to be very busy from now on ... they will be staying strictly about your waist line!!" he starts to really laugh
"It is actually really funny you should say that ... that is exactly how he used to be!" he carries on laughing "He seriously is a straight guy, male parts freaked him out, berry knows why he was ever trying to have a romantic or sexual relationship with me, and berry knows why I thought it was okay!! I can see now, that part of our relationship was a farce!!" he rolls his eyes "He used to go up the wall if I so much as suggested he did anything in a gay way!! He would kiss me, but his hands and mouth never went below my waist line. He only tried once with his mouth, and he puked all over me, after that his hands and mouth never went near it again!!"
"His hands never went near it?" I frown at him "If he never let you shag him, how did you ..."
"How do you think!! I had to do it myself!!" I laugh at him as he grins at me with embarrassment again. "Why do you think I've never bothered that much about sex, I've never really had it properly, it has always been very DIY!!"
"You are going to have to show me this DIY sometime!!" I snigger at him
"Hell no!! Those days are over, besides your hand does a much better job than my own does." we laugh for moment.
"So come on, how was it?" he frowns at me "I know he never let you shag him, but he used to shag you right."
"Yeah" he mumble "I'm going to be honest now!! Sex with him now I think about it, it was more of a chore. The first time I felt any real pleasure, was the night we decided to work on us. I lost my head, I had never felt anything remotely like it before. It was when you took control, you was basically showing me something totally different. The first time I let you shag me ... I think I knew then, deep down, that there was never any going back, that me and him had been wrong together. I had only ever had the sex life with him as an example before that." he rolls his eyes "Up until then, I really didn't know what I was missing, and I guess that is the first time I ever had sex properly."
"I guess then I should be honest too, that night, when you told me to show you how I liked it, I shit myself, I really didn't have a clue what I was doing!! Remember, you was not the only one who had not had sex properly that way before." he laughs at me quietly "Why are you being so ... open and honest with me suddenly ... ?" I frown at him
"Well you did ask and I guess it's time I let it all out, you know what I'm like I keep everything inside ... I know I've got to change that!! We both need to talk about a lot of things properly and openly ... no more lies, no more secrets!! I know I have shut myself off and made you think the worse of yourself, I made you suffer throwing him at you all the time, and I'm sorry!! I know it's no excuse but I didn't even realise myself at the time, that I was so very wrong!!" I just stare at him "You weren't the only one living in a fantasy bullshit world ... I just didn't realise I was also doing it at the time. Twenty years is a long time, and in my head I've warped the truth and I have got so many things so totally wrong!!"
"I was really looking at him when he was in here earlier ... " he looks at me sheepishly "I don't fancy him!! I don't find him remotely attractive and I'm not sure I ever have. I really can't remember." I stare at him wide eyed "Thinking about it, I'm not sure I ever really looked at him in that way - he was just there, we were always together and just grew into our relationship, we weren't affectionate and had no enthusiasm for sex, not like we do now. Lately I only have to look at you and I start getting horny." he grins at me as he runs his thumb across my lips before he starts to come towards me, he intends to start kissing me.
"Oh so, does that mean you actually do fancy me?" I hold him off
"Obviously!! Haven't I made that pretty clear lately when I can't keep my hands off you?"
"Yeah, but it hasn't always been that way, has it. It has only been recently that you have even noticed me, and half the time I swear you was only using me for sex to switch your head off." I frown at him "The way you used to constantly push me away, it was like I was making your skin crawl!!"
"Don't you be so sure ... you got me the first time you stood on my doorstep with that cute face and hot body of yours, virtually naked all but for your shorts and flip flops!! You didn't really leave much to my imagination did you." he smirks "I think you must have turned my head that day, without me even realising it, because I was adamant I was not going to get a male house mate, especially not a gay one!! I should have told you to do one, but you smiled at me and I forgot myself and let you in." he laughs at me "You have never made my skin crawl or struggled to turn me on, it was keeping your hands off me to stop you from tuning me on that was my problem." this has me laughing quite loudly again. "I have been too busy hiding behind that wall, clinging onto him and living a bullshit fantasy to see what was right under my nose all the time." he rolls his eyes "and I doubt I would have let us get this far if I didn't fancy you!!"
"Suddenly Mr Perfect has more cracks than my favourite mosaic vase!!" I laugh "So was there actually anything good about your relationship?"
"Yes of course there was ... if you take away the sex, him being a control freak and the one sided romantic relationship, we were good. We had a connection, most of the time we didn't need words, as best friends, I doubt many could beat us ..." he stares at me for a moment while he searches my eyes "We need to quit this, we need to stop talking about him and concentrate on us..."
Granite starts to kiss me. I'm not sure if it is to cut off our conversation so he does not have to fully answer my question.
"He kissed me." he says suddenly as he pulls back and stops kissing me
"HE WHAT!?" I snap angrily
"He kissed me." he mumbles again as he hovers over me searching my eyes, which are already starting to sting.
"When I was waking up from the coma." he looks at me sheepishly
"I should have known this was all too good to be true!!" I can feel my blood boiling as well as a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach "You tell me all this stuff that makes me believe we have a chance, then you dump this on me!! Are you trying to fuck my head up on purpose."
"No, I'm just trying to be honest." he mumbles "I needed to put your mind at rest, in case he starts being spiteful and upsets you by rubbing it in your face that we have been kissing."
"You have been kissing!! You didn't stop him did you .... no ... of course you let him kiss you and I bet you snogged his damn ugly face off, and I bet it was more than once!!" I snap sarcastically as I try to push him off me "At least when Atlas tried to kiss me I pushed him away!!!"
"Mace please don't be angry .. I was dazed and confused, coming out of the coma, I think you know how that feels!!" he holds me down so that I can not move away "I won't lie, yes, I did let him kiss me and I kissed him back, but only because it is what I thought I wanted at the time." I don't want to hear any more and start to struggle.
"STOP IT!!" he yells as he holds me down and continues to hover over me "I really needed that kiss to happen, and I swear it will NEVER be happening again!! That kiss has done you, me and us a favour ... that kiss is what made me start doubting myself, him and our relationship."
"How did it?!" I snap at him
"I just felt numb, it did nothing for me sexually or emotionally, I felt absolutely nothing. I was just going through the motions of kissing him ... it was rubbish!!" he smiles at me "All the time I kept thinking about how different it is kissing you. Kissing you causes me a problem every time." he smirks at me as he grabs my hand, taking it down to his 'problem'.
Granite has another wave of sickness, after a heated session of kissing. We over did it a little, it got a little steamy. His body is not up to all this excitement which caused him to feel a little faint and he started heaving, so he lies down on the bed and tries to get some rest.
He lies there with his eyes closed listening to me while I start to tell him about things that I have had to hide from him, things from my past and things about me that he doesn't know, which is what he asked me to do. He laughs, makes the odd comment and asks me a question occasionally, so I know that he is very much awake.
I hear the door open and look over my shoulder, thinking it might be Slate, but it isn't, it is Forrest. He was smiling until her saw me, then his face drops, his smile turns into one of his usual horrible scowls.
"What the hell are you still doing in here convict?" You should be back in your own room and bed by now!!" he snaps at me
"Look Forrest, if you have come in here to have another pop at him, please don't bother!! He is not up to another slanging match, he has had too much thrown at him today, he really needs to rest
I'm amused when Granite opens one eye and looks at me for a second before he closes it again.
"Well doctor, maybe you should do his obs and check him over, the last nurse that came in here forgot to do them and I think there is something wrong with him,. He has just had a funny turn and really is not well ....." he cuts me off.
"Stop being such a damn drama queen ... you have to over exaggerate everything don't you!! There is nothing wrong with him that a few painkillers won't fix!!" he snipes at me "Just look at you, you are pathetic, lying there watching and mauling him with your grubby hands while he sleeps - you give me the creeps!! Your behaviour verges on obsessive stalking!!"
"And your behaviour doesn't!! Creeping in here thinking you can brainwash him while I'm safely out of the way next door!!" I laugh at him "Besides this is normal behaviour for us, its called love and affection ... but then you wouldn't know anything about that would you!!"
He stands there glaring at me, while I can't help but smirk back, obviously Forrest thinks he is a sleep while I know that Granite is still awake and is listening to the way he snipes at me when we are alone.
Suddenly, after the conversation that me and Granite have been having today, I am looking at the man stood in front of me, who has intimidated me for so long, and he does not bother or scare me any more. I am suddenly seeing him in a totally different light, because he is not who I thought he was, he is no longer a threat to me or our relationship. He is nothing but a pathetic, selfish, nasty, control freak!!
"Why are you still in here anyway you letch? I sent a nurse in to evict you!!" he snaps
"You know what Granite is like when he digs his heals in, he is as stubborn as a mule!! When he wants something he generally gets his way. He wants me here, so here is where I am staying until he says otherwise, and if you are not here as a doctor, you should just go and leave us alone."
"Well you obviously are pathetic and don't know how to control him, he never got his own way with me when he threw his tantrums!!" he laughs sarcastically "Don't flatter yourself either, he doesn't really want you, if you was not here anyone who mothers him would do. He always gets like this when he is sick, he turns into a clingy baby, it doesn't mean anything and if you are stupid enough to pamper him and fall for his stupidity, or read anything into it, then more fool you!!" he continues to laugh "As soon as he is better, he will stop clinging and drop your snivelling ass like a hot brick ... I've told you, he's mine and you don't stand a cat in hells chance of getting in between us, so why don't you just get lost and stop making a fool of yourself!! It's just a shame Gravel didn't finish you off completely, it should be you six feet under not Cinnamon!!"
"I am almost starting to feel sorry for you, you can not see that twenty years and I have already come between you!!" I laugh at him "Granite is in a much better place with me and you will soon realise that you are the one making a fool of yourself ... He is with me now and not coming back to you ... "
"You keep on dreaming convict!! Do you seriously think he wants to be saddled with a permanent cripple for the rest of his life ... I don't think so!! He doesn't love you or even want you, he is just keeping you sweet until they lock you up!! Granite has always had a problem with his conscience, and I should imagine dumping the snivelling cripple weighs heavily on his!!" he laughs in an evil way "He will always love me, and soon he will be free of you and crawling back to me when they have locked you up and thrown away the key!! Twenty years I'm praying for, which will get you off our backs quite nicely!! You are delusional if you think you are only getting a few years, I doubt very much Gravel will do you any favours and you are off your head if you think Granite will wait for you to be released from prison!! Your farse of a relationship is over, so why don't you just do one and do us all a favour!! he starts to really laugh "Your trial can't come soon enough for me and don't think that Granite is taking in your snivelling brat either, because I'll make sure it doesn't happen!! The moment your back is turned ... Social services is where that uncontrollable brat is heading ..."
"ENOUGH!!" Granite yells suddenly as he struggles to sit up, his face is like thunder.
I seriously don't know what is wrong with blogger at the moment. It is playing up quite badly - I am not sure if they have limited the amount of words or length of a page but it has made me split up yet another chapter in a stupid place because once I add the pictures it will not save, preview or publish unless I take part of it away.
So Granites reaction to this now comes in the next chapter ..... >
Song = You and I - One Direction